Monday, July 18, 2011

My Wedding and the Anatomy of a Beer: Part One

From cookouts to homosexuality to high school reunions, Proctor's Type has covered a wide range of timely, important topics from around the world.  Unfortunately, one very meaningful subject has been neglected to this point: my upcoming wedding!  This will come as bitter-sweet news to the legions of young (and old), single women who did not know me prior to reading my blog.  I know it is upsetting that I will not be on the market, but at least you can borrow my great wedding idea(s?) in the instance you do ever find someone (maybe not the best way to phrase it).
The "Lucky Lady"
Besides being beautiful, my future wife (pictured) is also very creative and artistic.  This presents something of a road-block as to what decisions I am qualified to make in terms of the wedding planning.  I never wanted to be absent from the planning and I have helped to some degree, however my goal was to think of something significant and unique that would leave its mark on this most important of days.  Should we play the Law and Order music during the service?  Should we tape a $100 bill under one of the pews for a lucky attendee?  I considered everything from Mexican food to planting a tree but nothing seemed to stick.

I had almost given up when I had what can only be described as a once-in-a-lifetime stroke of  That's right... beer.  BEER!  BEER!  It finally made sense:  BEER!  How did I miss it?  Our Wedding is called Proctoberfest for God's sake.  Of course we were planning on having beer at the reception... but we need special beer!  We need a beer that will represent our eternal love (whatever that means).  We need to make a beer that is for us and us alone: we need Proctoberfest and we need to serve it at our reception.

There is only one problem:  I have no idea how to make beer.  I have seen my dad make beer and have had a few homebrews but I need a "master-brewer" who understands the importance of this beer.  I need a friend who is willing to dedicate many hours of his life and use of his equipment to make Proctoberfest.  Lucky for me, I have just the guy, and he just so happens to be in my wedding party.

Buddy needed to try his suit on anyway and we agreed to have a Saturday afternoon beer planning session. He brought over some books and "samples" and we were on our way.  

Buddy asked Laura and I about what flavors we wanted as well as how much alcohol we wanted it to have (I picked a 6.66 abv becuase I thought it would be "scary").  We selected the hops, the malts, the yeast and even the adjuncts.  We entered numbers into a computer program and Buddy plugged away on a calculator.  To say that making a unique beer is complicated would be akin to saying that the Wonder Years was an "ok" television show.  At one point we considered stopping and solving the nation's debt crisis.
After 8 beers and a couple hours we had a recipe and half a buzz:  not a bad way to spend the afternoon.  (Also, I know many of you are wondering...his suit fit.)  

Proctoberfest is now planned and its time to start the manufacturing process.  Part II of the anatomy of a beer will be after we purchase all of the supplies and prepare for brew day which I am considering "Live Blogging" (once I figure out what that is and how to do it).
A Masterpiece in the making


  1. That looks like a very interesting and tasty beer. I might have to rip you off and brew a reduced-size batch of it.

  2. Thats cool Craig but you can't call it Proctoberfest....