Tuesday, December 31, 2013

2013: Year in Review

Hey Everybody!  Holy smokes, 2013 sure did fly by.  I would make the "I just now started writing the right year on my checks" joke, but that is not funny and I rarely write checks.  Right now I am rewarding myself with a break from writing my forthcoming article for my school's Journal of Animal and Environmental Law (2115 of the 6250 words required, over 1/3 of the way home).  One does not realize the value of just getting to make shit up for a blog and not having to cite anything until they have to do the exact opposite.  So, without further ado, here is hodgepodge review of 2013:

I want to start by thanking all of you who read by blog.  Some of you all have even told me you enjoy it, which is the ultimate compliment.  Now after three years and nearly 100 posts, I can announce that ProctorsType has earned its first $100.  And as promised on March 8th, 2012, I made a $50 online donation to the Kentucky Humane Society (reminder, if you want to do the same it is the last day for 2013 tax purposes), and will spend $50 on beer today.  
Here are the 5 most viewed posts of 2013:

There are a couple things that are strange about this list to me. There does not seem to be any theme among the subjects of each entry and the glaring absence of the incomplete, immensely popular top 10 NBA players/Cheap Domestic Beers series.

Top 5 of 2013

1a.  The birth of our beautiful, healthy daughter/blogger Crosby Jane Proctor
The Real Deal


1b.  The U of L Cardinals winning the 2013 Men's Basketball NCAA Championship (and getting cool commemorative stuff)

Dad had the bubbly on ice because we had not drank enough to that point

2.  Laura's Trip to Israel/Palestine

This obviously was not as special for me.  All I did for the two weeks was go to class and throw down a few too many at Ben's down the street.  But Laura, while pregnant, was given this once in a life time opportunity and seized it.  Her experiences and lessons learned will resonate with her and our family for years to come.

3.  Man Baby Shower

Law school friends, make-your-own nachos, legit man gits for baby, brewskies.  The best party ever. 

Redd's, brah
 Read about it here.
Most of the Group
4.  Pizza Pilgrimage

I exited my 20s with a whole week of pizza, which is appropriate because I fucking love pizza.  Accompanying the delicious pizza each night were various groups of family/friends and many beers.
The Lineup:
Monday:  BJ's Brewhouse
Tuesday:  Hometown Pizza
Wednesday: Puccini's
Thursday: Lil' Caesar's and Stones at the crib (economy night)
Friday: Iroquois Pizza
Saturday: New Albanian Public House
Sunday: Dominoe's at parents house
Monday: Boombozz

Even the cake was pizza...

5.  Mini Marathon
I certainly did not break any speed records, but I ran the whole thing and did not stop.  After getting burned out on training, I had not ran more than 8 miles before I threw down 13.1.  I subsequently threw down a bunch of free Mich Ults because apparently not everyone uses their free beer coupon (major head-scratcher).

3 Best Jams of 2013

1.  The Killers- Shot at the Night

This song is a throw in with their new greatest hits album.  The song and video are so awesome, it almost makes me forgive them for lazily releasing a greatest hits album.  

2.  Miley Cyrus- Wrecking Ball

Say what you want, this song is fantastic and addicting.  The vocal is powerful and flawless.  I am linking the lyric video just to be on the safe side.

3.  Demi Lovato- Heart Attack

I do not know if I can defend this one.

3 Good Things About Law School
When you are in law school, you hear a lot of complaining.  It is hard.  Sometimes you do not get the grades you want.  Despite this, I like to stay positive by always keeping in mind what I like about school.

1.  Lunch
Going out to lunch is awesome.  Crawfish etouffee dip and chips at J Gumbos, Nachos at McAllisters, Goat Cheese and Banana Pepper lunch deal at boombozz, Nachos at Qdoba, cookies from Panera.  FTW

2.  Being an Academic Fellow
I have the opportunity to be an adviser of sorts with first year students and I love it.  It is fun getting to know my group and hopefully helping them navigate the difficult first year of law school.  The pay is not great, but it is better than 0 and I would probably do it for free.  Plus, my group (the best group) got Crosby some fun gifts and me a study candle (inside joke).  

3.  Working with the Legal Aid Society
This summer I worked as an Iolta Fellow with the Legal Aid Society of Louisville.  I gained invaluable experience, met some great people (attorneys and clients alike) and helped impoverished clients with legal issues.  

Happy New Year everyone!  Keep it real in the 1-4

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Go Cards! 5 Things: A Little Perspective & My Predictions for UK basketball game and Russell Athletic Bowl

Note:  I am currently watching the 2013 Sugar Bowl on DVD, safe to say I am fairly jacked.

1.  Appreciate Where You Came From

Is there anything more obnoxious than when someone forgets where they came from?  Can you stand when someone who did not have much comes into a little money and all of the sudden nothing is good enough for them anymore?  Or how about when a Keystone Light drinker tries a few micro-brews and transforms into a  self-professed beer connoisseur? (Wait, that's me.)

Although I understand their sentiment, I simply cannot agree with the flocks of Cardinal fans who are disappointed with this football season.  I have heard the terms "waste" and "purgatory" thrown away to describe this season.  Must I remind you where the U of L football program was just a few years ago?  We lost to Kentucky four years in a row. Louisville was not invited to a bowl for three straight years.  Discipline problems were rampant and the team was not graduating its players.

So now we are upset that we lost ONE game?  Our Bowl Game is not good enough?  The VICTORIES are not by enough points?  Let's reflect on what this team has accomplished and not focus on what they did not do.  This team has won 11 games.  This team beat UK for the third year in a row.  This team is playing in an interesting bowl game against a future ACC foe.  With a win in the bowl game, Louisville could finish as a top 15 team.  And last but not least, U of L went down to Cincy and took the Keg of Nails for the foreseeable future.  

I know there has been disappointment.  U of L lost a game they should have won, and with that missed out on a BCS bowl.  But that is football, sometimes you lose, and Louisville is doing that a lot less than they were just a few years ago.  This season is fun, we are fans, let's enjoy it.  
How good is DeVante?  Photo from the Courier Journal
2.  All time Louisville athlete Mount Rushmore:

In my opinion, today we are watching two of the four athletes who should be carved into the mountain.  Based on achievements at U of L, my mount Rushmore is:  Darrell Griffith, Pervis Ellison, Teddy Bridgewater, Russ Smith.  I am sure some of you all think I am crazy.  Please comment with your Mount Rushmore, should be fun.

3.  Mike Greenberg is a stubborn jackass.

I  just finished watching the Sugar Bowl for the 3rd time.  Every time I watch, I think back to the Mike and Mike radio show the morning after.  Greeny said he "knew" that if this game had been played in November, Florida would have won.  So basically, when he said Florida would win there is no way he could have been wrong.  If Louisville won, he was not wrong (like he normally is), Florida simply did not try, so his prediction was effectively an "N/A". What is so hard about saying "wow, who saw that coming?  I guess I should have actually watched U of L play before saying they did not stand a chance".

Normally I am not prone to react to his ridiculous hyperbole.  He says he is objective, but it does not make him so.  He wants to be right and he was simply wrong, again.  Florida absolutely was trying from the very first time they blew Teddy up and knocked his helmet off.  From that point on they were out-coached, out-played, and it was shown that Louisville had the best player on the field playing the most important position in the game.  Greenberg can be entertaining at times, but this take of his was just ludicrous.

4.  U of L v. UK Prediction

I, like everyone else and Vegas, believe this is a toss up.  Therefore I will say U of L wins just because I think they play more as a team at this point.  77-71, Cardinal Victory.  I will go with a wildcard and say Terry Rozier is the player of the game, 15 Points, 9 Rebounds, 4 Assists.  Obviously, UK is good and getting better, so I could be totally wrong.  We will see which team is more prepared.
Picture courtesy of here
5.  U of L v. Miami Russel Athletic Bowl Prediction

I feel much more comfortable picking Louisville to win their bowl game than their rivalry basketball game.  U of L will ride their Cincy victory momentum to a 31-20 victory.  Teddy player of the game:  250 yards passing, 3 TD.  

You will be missed.  Photo courtesy of here
GO CARDS!  Fans, let's enjoy today, it should be a lot of fun. 

The real deal

Friday, December 27, 2013

My Sincerest Apology

I need to come clean to my readers and the world.  For the past few months I have been telling people that the Kroger and/or Target generic version of the frozen California Pizza Kitchen pizza is just as good as the original.  This is simply not true.  
I had the CPK 4 cheese tonight and it was so legit.  Cooking at the recommended time and temperature produced the perfect amount of crispness in the crust and brown spots on parts of the cheese.  There are two types of mozzarella involved, one of which is placed in one inch circular patterns throughout the pizza, so each slice has one bite with a loaded mozz surprise.  
I could go on and on, but I just recommend you go get one and enjoy it for yourself.  I do not know what I was thinking spreading those lies.  I guess I was just trying to have a "unique take" or something.  Maybe I was trying to be a pizza hipster.  Whatever the case, I made an absolute ass of myself and for that I apologize.

Saturday, December 21, 2013

The Great DVD Purge of 2013

For years I have collected DVDs.  It was comforting to know that I would always have access to movies and television series that I enjoyed for years and years to come.  However, between Netflix, law school, and becoming a dad, I am realizing more and more that I will never sit down and watch the majority of my DVD collection.  With this in my mind, I began to consider what I could do with my DVDs.

Previously, I had sold 75 or so that I knew I did not want to some guy on Craig's List for $75.  He then informed me of his master plan to flip them for big bucks.  I wonder how that worked out.  Anyone who wants to buy DVDs is not going to pay a lot for them these days, so I decided against selling them.  Instead, I decided to give the bulk of my DVDs, along with an old DVD player to United Crescent Hill Ministries here in Louisville.  They will be able to share the DVDs with those who will be entertained by them.

Of course, this is going to be harder than it sounds.  It is difficult to give away a chunk of my only current "collection" of anything.  In the same manner as a hoarder on TV gets rid of things, I decided to allow myself to pick out my favorite DVDs to keep, while getting rid of the rest.  Of course, I am going to blog about it as I go as a form of therapy.  Here is my challenge:

I can only keep enough of these:

That the remaining fit on this shelf:

Of note:  I will not get rid of any DVDs that came along with my marriage, but I do not have to fit them on the shelf either.  I have quite a process ahead of myself.  To ease this difficulty, I am going to break the process into steps.  

Step One:  Fill the top shelf with my absolute favorite movies...

That was pretty easy. One problem is I do not not know where my Memento, Pulp Fiction or Badlands DVDs are.  However, the good news is I have two copies of Goodfellas, so one of the best films of all time will be headed UCHM's way.  (Note to UCHM, Goodfellas is probably not for children).

Step Two:  Start the second row with my must-have sport and music DVDs...

Hint, hint to anyone looking to buy me a Christmas gift, I can leave some space on this shelf for:  Springsteen and I, the 1986 and 2013 Louisville national title games, the 2007 Orange Bowl, and Super Bowls XXXVI and XXXVIII.  What am I saying?  I am supposed to be reducing my DVDs.

Step Three:  Fill the bottom shelf with TV series I know I want to keep...

Uh oh.  This may be a problem.  We have some Parenthood, The Office, Justified and OH WAIT!


Step Four:  Start getting rid of some instead of saving them...

Hmmmm...this is probably not enough.

These should go...right?

Ok, I really did get rid of a bunch.  Time to save some more.

Step 5:  I am going to save my favorite western and war movies and put them on a section of shelf two...

I know Justified is not technically a Western, but it is awesome
This freed up some space on the top shelf for some absolute favorite additions:

Step Six:  Save the few Blu Rays because they are the future (lol)...

Step Seven:  Save the extremely funny and extremely violent movies to balance each other out...
Of note:  Laura insisted on putting Dodgeball in the hilarious section
Step Eight:  Debate and debate to settle on the last eight or so spots on the shelf...
Super Survivor: Al Pacino

I would be lying if I said that was easy.

Goodbye friends
Luckily, I am still prepared for when the time comes where I have weeks and weeks of absolutely no responsibilities and I cannot leave the house.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Proctor's Type Guide to the Holidays: Legit Jams for a Great Cause

Readers of Proctor's Type and friends of mine all know how much I enjoy the rock band The Killers.  They are simply fantastic.  And every year the Killers help get me in the Christmas spirit with their annual Christmas song.  Not only are the Christmas songs witty and fun, 100% of the proceeds from purchases of the song go to Red, an organization that is working to eliminate HIV in babies around the world.

Photo Courtesy of here
My challenge to readers is to watch one, two, or all of the YouTube videos I have linked below.  The videos are very entertaining and many feature special guests.  If you enjoy one or all of the songs, please buy them. Please remember the money is for an excellent cause (note: all songs available on iTunes, some on Amazon). Most of the songs are $1.29 and the EP of the 2006-2011 songs is $5.99.  Basically, you can get the whole deal for around $11.

The 2006-2011 songs are all available on one EP called "Red":

iTunes: buy here

2006: A Great Big Sled ft. Toni Halliday

2007: Don't Shoot Me Santa ft. Ryan Pardey
*This is my personal favorite

2008: Joseph, Better You Than Me ft. Elton John and Neil Tennant

2009: Happy Birthday Guadalupe ft. Wild Light and Mariachi El Bronx

iTunes: Buy "Happy Birthday Guadalupe!" Here
Amazon: Buy "Happy Birthday Guadalupe!" Here

2010: Boots ft. Dialogue from "It's a Wonderful Life"

iTunes: Buy "Boots" Here
Amazon: Buy "Boots" Here

2011: The Cowboy's Christmas Ball (lyrics from 1890 poem of the same name)

iTunes: Buy "The Cowboy's Christmas Ball" Here

2012: I Feel It In My Bones ft. Ryan Pardey

iTunes: Buy "I Feel It In My Bones" Here

2013: Christmas in L.A. ft. Dawes
*My 2nd favorite, Owen Wilson is awesome in the video

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Crosby's Guide to the Holidays: The Spirit of Christmas

Upon hearing that Dad's first two tips for "Guide to the Holidays" were something about potato chips and candles, I decided to once again take over his blog and share a little about what I have learned about Christmas in my short time on this Earth.

I have been told that we are coming up on a time of the the year called Christmas.  Mom is playing music that is specially made for Christmas, Dad is burning candles that supposedly "smell like Christmas", and everyone has been telling me about how special this time of year is.  Apparently Jesus was born on Christmas a long, long time ago.  Because of this, we commemorate his birth by spending time with family and friends, practicing peace, forgiving one another, and being generous with our blessings.  We celebrate cozied up by the fire, have joyous parties, and churches everywhere have special worships (I have been told Crescent Hill Presbyterian has the "best" Christmas Eve service).  And of course Dad is spouting off about "Christmas cold ones" and legit NBA basketball.  Last but not least, some friends and family give one another gifts.  Wait...more gifts?!?

Do not get me wrong, I love gifts!  I have been given so many fun and cute things by my generous family and friends.  I have the cutest outfits, fun toys, bouncy chairs to chill in, and even some sports stuff that my dad gets all excited about.  People have even made me stuff.  Heck, my Grandparents can not seem to make a visit without presenting me with something new and fun.  I cannot wait to see all the amazing gifts I will get for Christmas.  But what about those other babies out there who do not get gifts on Christmas?  Unfortunately, many children right in our own city go without gifts.  In fact, many of these kids do not even have warm clothes to wear.  I decided I wanted to help them, it is Christmas after all.

I got on my Ipad (joke, I do not want one of those until next year) and did some research.  It turns out the Salvation Army has a program (Angel Tree) where you can buy gifts for a child or family who need a little help.  That is when I got an idea.  Every year I will select a child about my age from the Angel Tree and we will give them fun, cute stuff just like I get!  Of course this year I am a little limited in my mobility, so I commanded Mom "go get an angel off of the angel tree and get them awesome stuff so they can have a special Christmas!"  She replied "well are you going to stay here with Dad and watch football?"  "Ugh, I guess."

As has been typical in the Proctor household since my birth, it turns out we waited until the last minute, and it was the last day to get an Angel.  Now on a mission, Mom selected the Angel and went on one of her patented Target shopping sprees all in one fell swoop.  I was so excited when she got back.  What does the special baby get?!?

That looks cute, but let me get a closer look...

Perfect!  She is going to love her gifts!  Good job mom!  Now I think I get this whole Christmas thing.  Oh yeah, apparently I wear special Christmas clothes too...

Merry Christmas everyone!  

If you decide you want to help a family enjoy a warm holiday meal, you can do so at Kroger: http://www.kroger.com/community/Pages/salvation_army.aspx

And last but not least, Carl, Ichiro and Bagheera want me to remind you all that you can also help animals in need with the pet angel tree!  Check it out: http://www.nokill-louisville.com/pet-angel-trees

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Proctor's Type Guide to the Holidays: Candle of the Year 2013

To see the first installment of Proctor's Type Guide to the Holidays click here.

Who does not love a good Christmas scent?  This candle is 100% Proctor's Type approved:
Action Shot
Trust me.  This is the candle to have.  It is called Spiced Wreath by Bath and Body Works.  You can purchase at your local brick and mortar or go here to order online.  Great deal right now on the 3 Wicks, 2 for $22.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Proctor's Type Guide to the Holidays: Do Not Fear Being the Chip Guy (or Girl)

The potluck time of the year is upon us.  The holidays begin and everyone wants to get together to gorge themselves.  As we all know, the potluck involves everyone bringing a certain food item to share, some are a free-for-all, while others involve the infamous sign-up sheet.  Today I would like to give all of my readers the first tip of the inaugural "Proctor's Type Guide to the Holidays":  do not be afraid to bring chips to the potluck.  Some people feel like they need to slave over a hot stove for hours preparing their "famous" something or other.  Do not be that person.  Bring some chips.

The truth is chips are fucking awesome.  Everyone loves chips.  They taste good, are full of nutritious oils, and can function as a side or appetizer.  Sure, you may look like you did not put in as much effort as others who "whipped something up from scratch", but the end result will be just as on point, maybe even more so.  You can get multiple bags of chips, in a variety of flavors, all the while keeping the tab under $10 and freeing up time and funds for more important endeavors (pre-gaming the potluck).  

I recently was presented with a sign-up sheet for a pot-luck at school, and to make matters worse it was in the form of a Google doc.  Needless to say, the hosts of this potluck were not messing around.  I needed to sign up for something quickly and not have it be a repeat of something someone has already signed up for.  DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU SIGN UP TO BRING SOMETHING TO A POTLUCK THAT SOMEONE HAS ALREADY SIGNED UP FOR?!?  Thankfully, this has never happened in the history of potlucks.  However, every potluck ends up with a 10-1 brownie ratio per attendee.  It is one of life's great mysteries.

Anyway, it was crunch time and I needed to sign-up for something.  But when will I have time to cook between school and a baby?  Can I sign up for something in the hopes Laura will make it even though she is just as busy?  I was stuck.  That is when I manned up.  I tabbed over to Excel column B next to my name and started typing, C-H-I-P-S.  I then looked down and saw that the Google doc was locked or something and I was not actually typing anything.  Undeterred, I told one of the hosts "put me down for legit chips", loud enough so that everyone around could hear it.  Of course she was not impressed and put me down for "chips".  COME ON!  I am Eric Proctor!  Like I am going to just roll into the potluck with a bag of Mike Sell's or something.  I said LEGIT chips and that is just what I delivered, check these bad boys out:

That's right, Kettle Cooked.  I certainly was not jacking around.  Three loud, bold flavors with pictures of the ingredients on the bag.  Who is just bringing "chips" now?  Not to mention, the bags were all stamped $3.49 which gave the impression I threw out some serious dough to make this potluck special.  In reality they were each $2.49 on sale, but no need to tell them that.  

Of course things got poppin' at the ol' potluck as soon as everyone was crunching on the no artificial preservatives S & Vs (that is salt and vinegar for you amateurs).  People were slugging soda after the spicy jalapeno hit their lips, and last but not least everyone learned quickly not to ask for "barbecue" chips.  That's MESQUITE BBQ bruh, show some respect.

Want a similar success story?  Be bold.  Sign up to bring chips to the potluck.  

Friday, November 8, 2013

Brew at the Zoo: a rant

The Louisville Zoo is considering selling beer.  It seems like a fantastic idea.  In fact, it is probably surprising to many that the Zoo does not already sell beer.  I read a local news story about it, pumped my fist a little, and assumed that this news would make everyone else's day the same way it made mine.  However, when I scrolled down to the comment section I was shocked to find that many informed, knowledgeable, unbiased Facebook commenters have made preventing the Zoo from selling beer their number one goal in life.  What was the Louisville Metro Government thinking doing studies and holding hearings when they could have just asked Facebook?

In all seriousness, we all know it is dangerous territory giving any credence whatsoever to  90% of the commenters of anything you read on the internet.  For reasons unknown they feel the need to shit on everything and interject the online universe with their close-minded "thoughts".  In the case of the Louisville Zoo selling beer, the first comment seemed to encompass all the thoughts of the detractors in one profound statement.  I am paraphrasing here, but it was something to the effect of "Terrible idea.  The zoo is a place for kids.  Doesn't seem right."  Everything about this comment, in my opinion, is wrong.  How about we look at the statements separately?

Terrible Idea.

Is selling beer at the zoo a terrible idea?  Well, if adding a huge revenue stream and getting more paying customers in the gate is a terrible idea for a place that always needs money to upgrade their facilities and increase their conservation efforts then, yes.  Seriously, beer is awesome and so are animals, the Zoo is now going to be home to both.  I know that I personally would be willing to pay $6 for a pint if I knew a couple dollars were going towards getting a new badass Silverback in Gorilla Forest.  Hell, if I really did some work they may name him Eric.  How about having a Carlsberg Elephant stand by the elephants?  $7 for a pint of 7% with a couple dollars going towards efforts to stop the illegal ivory trade.  During happy hour you get a pint for $4 if you can tell the Asian Elephant from the African Elephant without the aide of the sign in the front of the display.  Even the animals could chip in, imagine the Seals giving a shout out to their sponsors, Budweiser, by bouncing an inflatable beer can on their nose as opposed to a beach ball.  Having beer at the zoo is the opposite of a terrible idea., it may be the best idea the Zoo has had since the Herpaquarium.

The Zoo is a Place For Kids

No it is not.  The Zoo is a place for kids and adults alike.  You do not need to be a child or have one with you to get in.  Laura and I have been members of the Zoo for years before we had Crosby.  A trip to the Zoo is a great date and a fun way to get a little exercise.  Adults can enjoy the zoo just as much as children.  I was there, waiting in line for an hour, on Jojo's last day before moving to the Lincoln Park zoo in Chicago (talk about a terrible idea).  I miss him just as much as any other kid out there, probably more.  He threw his feces at adults the same way he did to kids.  The Zoo has built a carousel and playground for kids, it is time to create the Beertanical Garden for adults.

It Just Doesn't Seem Right

I am not 100% sure what this means.  Are people seriously afraid that bros are going to pay $15 to get in then start legit throwing them back at $6 apiece?  Do they think the parking lot may become a tailgate prior to the gates opening?  Could it be they can envision someone having one too many alligator ales and nodding off in the lion's den?  Wait, I am not sure this is my best argument...

One last idea:  once the cold ones start flowing how about selling annual passes with a beer stamp on them, charge three times as much but let every beer-stamped member get three free brews every time they go?  What an idea!  Talk to yall later, I need to comment on a Facebook article.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Crosby's Masterpiece Theater

Last night Crosby decided that she wanted to sleep, but refused to do so in the bassinet.  One of us would pick her up, walk her around and she would eventually fall asleep, then the second we tried to lay her down she would throw both her hands in the air and scream like she was attending a Bon Jovi concert.  Around 2:30 in the morning Laura and I were walking zombies when I finally thought "why are both of us awake and staring at a three day old as she screams and cries?"  Considering I have done a grand total of around 7% of the work in getting Crosby to this point, I volunteered to hold her for a couple of hours while Laura slept.

I chilled out on the couch and laid Crosby on my chest where she fell asleep faster than Slash taking down a shot of Jack.  However, the trick to this game is that I am not allowed to fall asleep myself.  Working with the one hand I had free I was able to grab the remote to the TV (no cable) and the DVD player.  It had been a long time since I had watched a DVD in that player and when I pressed play I was at the mercy  of whatever mood I was in last time I inserted a disc.  Was it the Godfather from when I had a few too many on Saturday night and had a legit Godfather Sunday chill out?  Hopefully, it was not a Redbox that was never returned and we have now purchased for $25.

I held my breath, looked at Crosby and awaited as the title screen loaded to...the Robert Redford classic "A River Runs Through It".  I was instantly overwhelmed with pride because Crosby had selected such a well-acted, beautifully told story.  What started as a mess ended with some young Pitt, Laura getting 2.5 hours of sleep and Crosby finally being quiet.  I thoroughly enjoyed my first installment of Crosby's masterpiece theater.  Hopefully next time the show time will not begin at 3 am.

The next morning, a little groggy but still flyin'

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

So this is the world? - A guest blog by Crosby Jane Proctor

Check me out, I am legit.
Well here I am.  I have hijacked dad's blog to tell you a little bit about my first couple days in this world.  He was worried that "all the readers are awaiting the top 4 of the top 10 NBA player/cheap domestic beer countdown."  No.  No they are not.  I am afraid he may be a little crazy, more about him later.

I entered this world at 6:04 pm Monday October 21st, 2013.  The whole thing was apparently an ordeal.  Mom was hootin' and hollerin' to all the heavens.  I found out afterward that she could have taken medications to help alleviate some of the pain.  She decided not to.  I know now that she is tough, but I also wonder... is she crazy too?  I also heard her say "never again" about fifty times.  Bye bye siblings.  Oh well, now I will be spoiled.
Mom n' me chillin'
On top of all the pain, everyone was speculating as to whether I am a boy or a girl.  Well, I am a girl.  My understanding from everyone's conversations is that it was like a coin flip that you win if it is either heads or tails.  Whoopty doo.  For some reason, dad felt the need to keep chiming in that "she is going to still wear her sports clothes".  Great, I have that to look forward to.

Hang on.

Ok, I am back.  I just screamed for 10 straight minutes just because.

So, back to the story.  Everyone found out I was a girl.  Mom and Dad were ecstatic and tearing up.  "We did it!" they kept saying.  Then I pooped all over mom, I guess it just seemed like the thing to do at the time.  The nurses cleaned mom and I up and we started "kangaroo care", where mom and I lay skin to skin to make a special, early connection.  I really enjoyed this time and getting to know mom.  (Baptist East you can send royalties directly to my home address, wait, where do I live?)
Probably the last time anyone will want to see a picture of my foot
 Unfortunately, that eventually ended and I was handed to dad.  "Ready for your song? (out of tune, monotone) The first thing I remember knowin' was that lonesome whistle blowin' and a yungins' dream of growing up to ride...".  This can not be.  You mean that jackass who I kept hearing sing this terrible song while I was inside IS MY DAD?!?  He kept saying "she loves it!".  When do I learn to talk?  I cannot wait to dispel that myth.  Eventually, the "song" ended and I warmed up to dad.  He seems like he will be alright with a little training.
This guy...
We eventually worked our way up the other room where we are going to post up for a couple of nights.  Nurse #22 was giving mom and I our 30th and 32nd exams respectively while there were grandmothers and aunts ready to beat the door down just to see me.  Of course dad had  Gram and Aunt Laura (her and mom have the same name by the way, way to plan that out) go and get Jimmy John's for our awesome Doula Nina Berry (louisvilledoula@yahoo.com again, send the royalties anytime) and mom.  Before you ask, of course dad got his favorite Jimmy Johns sandwich AND a bag of chips, all the while masquerading as if he was doing something special.  Maybe I can learn something from him after all.

Eventually visitors went home and I was ready to relax for the night.  But why would I do that when I could not eat the right way and scream?  Mom did a superb job keeping me company, while dad was over on a couch (that he could not figure out how to fold out) sawing logs for 9 or 10 hours.  From what I am seeing so far, I am beginning to wish I had been born a boy, at least for the birth process anyway, what a joke!  I did finally get dad up for a few minutes around 2:30 in the morning with one of my best screaming binges yet, but that was nothing compared to mom's almost sleepless night.  Next time I will poop on dad!
The squad
Speaking of dad, this morning I got the opportunity for a little skin to skin with him.  To show my displeasure for some of his recent antics I pulled out a couple of his chest hairs.  That'll show him right?  No.  Instead he tells mom "how about her grip strength?!?"  Seriously, what is his deal?

Well up until now I have benefited from meeting some fantastic friends and family.  I can not wait to meet the rest of you.  I even got to meet my "middle namesake" Pastor Jane.  She prayed with all of us, we are going to need it.

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Man Baby Shower

It is hard being a soon-to-be-father.  I have to to get Laura water, wait to use the bathroom and drive places more often.  Men need something to help them unwind as they prepare for fatherhood.  Mothers have elaborate baby showers with all of their girlfriends and female family members.  They eat fancy snacks, drink fruit punch (?), play fun games and get tons of "cute" gifts for the baby.  In Laura's case, she had TWO of these showers, in different states!  Those showers were beautiful, she loved them and we got SO much stuff for the baby.  But I wanted something like that for me, geared more towards the father.  Luckily, I have amazing friends from law school and I got just that.

Originally dubbed the "Goodbye Fun Eric Party" (thankfully that was nixed), this past Friday became the blueprint for how to throw a Legit Man Baby Shower:

First you need a fantastic party planner:

Then you need a nacho bar with all the toppings:
Not the best picture of me but Laura and the Nachos make for a solid pic

A cake that looks like some kind of ball is a must:

Note the plates and napkins.  Cake Cred: http://instagram.com/fsaeed246
A bro-out Redd's chug is never a bad idea:
Not all guests even need to be human:
Make sure the jams are on point, here is just one of the classics played (Video possibly NSFW):

Best of all are the legit baby gifts.  We had accumulated enough "cute" stuff, we need this baby to be cool as well as cute:
Home, away, and alternate onesies, pacifiers, and a piggy bank with $ already in it
The baby can chill on this in the office:
Makes horse noises 
When the baby comes around there will be two members of the Proctors spilling shit all over themselves, thankfully they make the Gunners bibs in a two pack:
Makes horse noises
And it turns out some cute stuff is ok:

So there you have it.  Brews, nachos, jams, legit gifts and most importantly, fantastic friends, make for an impeccable Man Baby Shower.  Thanks guys, you all are great.

Katie (not pictured) missed the group pic and Kaleb was either taking this picture or off drinking a Redd's somewhere