Tuesday, August 19, 2014

A Day With Dad: A guest blog by Crosby Jane Proctor

This week starts a new semester for dad at school, which means that one day a week I stay home from school and hang out with him (Nana gets a day too).  Apparently paying someone else to care for me is expensive (?).  Anyway, this semester he picked Tuesday, last semester I stayed home on Fridays...there goes my three day weekend.  Today I have decided to share with you what a typical day kicking it with just dad is like.

First and foremost, I am dressed in some type of clothing representing one of his favorite sports teams.  Today it is the Tigers.  Of course, we aren't going to a Tigers game, they do not even play until 7:10 (10 minutes past my bedtime), and even if I were awake, I would not be allowed to watch TV.  Nonetheless this is what I am wearing:

After getting dressed, we read one of my favorite books: "Wild Animals"...

Next is "breakfast with the Killers" (not my idea)...

Sorry dad, I would help clean up but I have to play some more and then take a nap...

After an hour and half nap, it was time to enjoy the day with my big-headed brother...

WHEW!  Those walks can take a lot out of you.  I need to hydrate...

And refuel...
Dad called it a "fiesta", it was really leftover Mexican food.

Now I am full of energy...
Not pictured:  I almost knocked over a framed Dali print!

Now I am not...

Up and at em', it is time to listen to some Bruce (not my idea) and play in dad's office...
In the process of achieving my goal of removing every toy from the bin

Well, hanging out with dad all day has been fun and all, but MOM IS HOME!


Wednesday, August 13, 2014

@tree get outta here

I love trees in general, but there is a certain tree I loathe:
Fuck this tree.
This gigantic, worthless tree is in our backyard.  Before we agreed to purchase our home, we had the previous owner cut off some of the large branches that loomed over our house.  However, this was not enough.  Twice in 2014 we have had huge branches fall from this tree during storms.  The losses?  My jeep, a gate/section of fence, roof damage, gutters destroyed (x2), a picnic table, a cracked kitchen ceiling, three insurance deductibles, and last but not least, our premium and deductibles have both been raised. 
Oh don't worry I got another car: a 2002 gold Taurus
Most recently the tree decided it was time to hit the neglected front half of the house:

You would think the insurance company realized that removing the tree would help prevent them from writing check after check for damage that is causes.  But of course, using logic that makes you want to beat your head against the wall, the insurance company said its policy is to wait until the tree falls on its own, which could cause tens of thousands of dollars worth of damage or kill someone, as opposed to paying to have the tree removed before it falls.  THIS TREE SUCKS.  

Bonus shitty stuff about this tree:
1)  It does not lose all of its massive amount of leaves until early December, so it is inevitable that the yard is covered in leaves for the majority of the winter.
2)  In the spring it loses thousands and thousands of what I call "helicopters".  They get stuck on the roof and cover the entire ground.  THIS TREE SUCKS

Well, maybe I should say this tress sucked.  That's right, this tree is no more.  I summoned the quality dudes from T's Tree to come out and do a number on  it.  Here are the results:

No match for T's Trees
Good riddance

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Re: Christina Perri

Can you recall a time when you discovered something or someone you knew was going to be the real deal?  It is pretty special to be "first" on something like that, especially if whatever (or whomever) you discover was unknown by your friends and family at the time.  Hipsters claim to do this all of the time, but they frequently leave out the two most important parts and discover things that are 1) terrible and 2) never become popular.  I know, I know, the Frankfurter Petticoats has a really interesting arrangement consisting of 2 trumpets and a xylophone, but somehow they didn't catch on with the mainstream music fan.

Anyway, I am not going to say I "discovered" Christina Perri, I am sure her parents and elementary school music teacher knew of her talent before I did.  But I will say I was one of the very first to see something special.  One day about 10 years ago, I was listening to a relatively obscure radio station here in Louisville (102.3 "The Max") and heard a song called "Arms" by Christina Perri.  I felt the generic drama and pain resonate through her powerful voice.  Soon after, I did some serious digging on YouTube and unearthed the "A Thousand Years" video, which was apparently on the soundtrack to a B vampire movie.  Not only did she have the voice, but she had an edgy look too, like my girl Sara Bareilles with tats!  Right at that moment, I told anyone that would listen "This Perri is going to be the real deal sooner rather than later."  If you don't believe me, I bet my mom saved the voice mail.  

Now here we are today and Christina Perri has passed up both Madonna and Beyonce as the highest selling female musical artist of all time.  I am not going to rub it in your face and say "I told you so", but I will ask that the next time I randomly send you a music video or recommend a special condiment that you remember that I sometimes have an eye for these types of things.  I leave you with CP's latest smash "Human", it is a deep video, but if you pay really close attention you will notice she starts as some type of machine and becomes "human" towards the end.  It is something to see: