Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Outerwear and the Inner Soul

Over time we all become our outerwear...or so it seems.  Recently I have decided to purchase some new outerwear (aka jackets and coats) and have been blown away by the magnitude of the choice ahead of me.  What brand is the toughest? the warmest?  the most prestigious? I obviously do not want to make a poor style choice or be cold.  What if I take up snowboarding or run my car off the road miles away from civilization?

Apparently when I was a youth (and until about 3 months ago) I did not understand outerwear.  Starter coats were the norm through 6th grade, then I went through my wild-ass "alternative" years and got an Adidas coat.  I was warm enough and the honeys loved it, so I was in the clear.  Those were simpler times however, and these days school administrators are clamoring to come up with solutions to outerwear problems.  First graders have had their down feathers plucked one by one, leaving them with nothing except water resistance.    Middle Schoolers are being bullied by fellow students with a higher warmness factor.  High schools have had to institute an "inside-out" policy to slow down the on-going Northface/Spyder feud.  Once-safe neighborhoods now have outer shells thrown over every other power line.

When did this begin?  Has it always been there and it took me marrying someone from Michigan to realize it? Growing up in the south end of Louisville, I always assumed an average adult wore Carhartt or an ugly leather U of K jacket.  Now that I travel up north to visit family and east to Prospect and Middletown, I have a whole new outlook on outerwear.  I hear that Colombia is the real deal.  Some say Marmot is legit.  Hard-liners scream Eddie Bauer or bust.  Political and religious debate has given way to a never-ending discussion as to whether Edmund Hillary (wiki) was wearing Mountain Hard Wear or Patagonia when he made his historic ascent.  

It did not take long for me to get wrapped up in my own outerwear.  I recently acquired a sweet Eddie Bauer fall jacket and a Land's End down coat.  I find myself waking in the middle of the night, sweating, wearing both at the same time, all the while having no recollection of putting them on.  After a long talk with family and friends (I wouldn't call it an intervention..) I have decided that my 2012 New Year's resolution will be to wear my outerwear and not let it wear me.  

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Verlander: Proctor's Type MLB Winner 2011

Justin Verlander is the real deal. He rightfully won the AL MVP award to go along with the AL Cy Young award.  Obviously I am biased for Tigers, but I believe anyone who looks at the 2011 regular season as a whole would agree that Justin Verlander was the most valuable player.  The Tigers counted on him to stop losing streaks, as he went 16-3 when the Tigers had lost the day before his start.  He won 24 games, threw a no hitter and took home the pitching triple crown.  

 JV can add another award to his mantel: Proctor's Type MLB winner 2011.  Proctor's Type is a new award given to athletes in various sports who I believe had the best season.  The criteria is completely my own thoughts and feelings and I actually just came up with this idea about ten minutes ago.  The award is a blog entry, a sweet picture and an interesting story/anecdote/statistic etc. about each winner.

Congratulations Justin
In an interview with Dan Patrick, Justin Verlander was asked who he would have voted for the AL MVP and he said himself (good choice).  He was then asked who he would vote for besides himself and he said Miguel (good choice).  The best part was when Dan asked him what non-tiger he would vote for and he said Bautista.  Dan followed that up by giggling and asking whether Bautista had taken him deep last year and JV replied "no, no, I threw a no-hitter against those guys".

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Proctoberfest 10/01/2011

As many of you know I recently married the love of my life Laura Hayes.  The ceremony and reception were everything we wanted and more.  It was without a doubt the best day of my life.  I want to thank all of our family and friends who made it so special.  Obviously this calls for a blog...

As I've been thinking about what I wanted to write about Proctoberfest, I remembered that many say "a picture is worth x words" (the x represents an unknown quantity due to the on-going debate about how many words a picture in actually worth).  Thanks to our aunt Joni and a few other friends with an eye for a photographic moment, we have many great photos to share.  The challenge I have presented for Proctor's Type is to select 25 of these photographs and create a top 25 list to encompass Proctoberfest.  I will try to get as many attendees as possible pictured, but if you do not see yourself it is nothing personal, we still love you.  Also the "rankings" of the 1-25 are not ranking people but the pictures themselves.  Without further ado..

Laura and Bride's Maid Emily

I was not fortunate enough to be a part of the getting ready process with the women but it looks like I missed out on a lot of fun...I think.

Best man Sam & Maid of Honor Katie
Now this is how you make an entrance.

Laura & I
The cake tasted great.


I am the luckiest man in the world.

A hell of a performance
In a performance that will never be forgotten (unless you drank too much at the reception),  your's truly pulled out the classic "Jesse's Girl" with some modified lyrics (Proctor's Girl, get it?).  Many seem curious, Enes seems unimpressed, Lanna seems hesitant, Blake seems more excited than anyone and Kevin now has a piece of video he can cherish forever.  Just remember, a little showmanship and alcohol can cover for any voice, no matter how bad.

Proctoberfest Toast
Proctoberfest, the previously blogged about beer created by Groomsman Buddy, was a huge hit.  I also think the 7% ABV loosened quite a few guests up.

Carter (Ring Bearer) and Cindy (Mother in Law)
Groomsman Ben's car and Groom
These days you can not have any type of photo session without a "Euro pic".  Luckily for me, Ben has a slammed VW with a cold air intake and a manual transmission.  Combine that with my Euro pose and you can not say anything except this photo is Euro as hell.

Sarah, Bride's Maid and Sister
Sarah sang beautifully...

Bride's Maids Lindsay, Emily, Megan, Maid of Honor Katie, Flower Girl Mary
And everyone cried.

Laura and Flower Girl Mary
Mary is the perfect flower girl and the daughter of our awesome friends Mike and Sarah.  For those of you planing your own weddings, no you cannot use her.

My Bride
Bride and Susan (Mother in Law)

I love Susan's face in this picture.  She is happy but at the same time you can see she is realizing the moment.  For years she has been watching her beautiful daughter Laura grow and now a new phase in life begins.  Marriage affects so many beyond the bride and groom themselves.


My mom and I
Bruhs: Josh (literal bro), Buddy, Ben, Trav, Sullivan, Tim, Sam

Sometimes when you get a solid group of bruhs together you have to put on, represent etc.  That is what this is.

Hell of an entrance
Just when you start thinking Proctoberfest is wedding 2.0, pretty P pulls out the ol' twirl, a classic dance move.

Lauren, Lindsay, Katie, Laura, Megan, Emily, Laura (my sis), Sarah, Mary
Everyone smile, except Katie, we want you to scream

Flower girl Mary and Ring Bearer Carter (nephew)

Family Portrait #1
Bill's face FTW


Family Portrait #2
Family Portrait #3
Now we have the Proctor Clan, some have said we were the wild-cards in the whole deal.

Ok, so what in the hell is going on?
Things are really about to start popping off in this picture.  Directing the troops is our volunteer wedding coordinator Melissa, who did a fabulous job.

Bride and Groom
Our first kiss as husband and wife, a special moment.  Our pastor Jane is also kind of in the picture, we love her and she is a lock for POY (pastor of the year)

The Hole
Our church Crescent Hill Presbyterian is a beautiful building right in the heart of Crescent Hill.  There are many scenic shots to be had, but nothing compares to some bruhs heading down into the hole.  


Laura, my wife
This picture shows my wife as I know and love her: beautiful and fun.  We will now be laughing together forever and I could not be more excited.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Penn State

What is wrong with sports, especially collegiate sports?  Bruce Pearl is fired and disgraced because he had a recruit over for a barbecue.  The sports media and fans raked Jim Tressel over the coals because he covered up the fact that some of his players traded THEIR OWN memorabilia and autographs for cash and tattoos.  Miami football is in a state of disarray because a booster, who is now in prison, bought alcohol and prostitutes for players and recruits.   We can even go back to the SMU football "death penalty" in which a entire program was completely corrupted and the notion of amateur athlectics was thrown out the window.

Now I am not defending these actions or questioning their punishments.  I am simply bringing them up to show how small and petty they seem in comparison to what is going on at Penn State right now.  Everyone from the athletic director to Joe Patrerno and on down have KNOWINGLY, for years, covered up allegations of child rape and sexual abuse against a former defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky.  It is easy to say that they passed the buck and tried to clean their hands of it but it goes much deeper than that.
Full Grand Jury Report (very disturbing): Here

 Just think if someone came to you and told you they had seen a co-worker raping a child.  Would you simply send that up the chain of command?  If there was not any follow up, would you simply let it pass and not ask anymore questions?  Any decent person would have called the police and not let the pervert continue to pray on children.  Penn State does not understand the scope of this and they need to take the following steps to try to save any shred of decency within their football program:

1.  Fire Joe Paterno and do not give him any type of ceremony, he does not deserve it.  He has proven through his inaction that he is not what we thought he was and probably never was.
2.  Allow any current Penn State football player to transfer to any school without having to sit out a year
3.  Do not allow Penn State to profit from their football program for the next five years.  It is unfortunate but to really open eyes the money must stop coming in.
4.  I would recommend the Big 10 severing ties with Penn State in football only.  Penn State should have to play as an independent and not receive any conference money.

I feel terrible for Sandusky's victims and families.  I know that the collapse of a football program is not justice but it at least holds some of the perpetrators accountable.

Thursday, November 3, 2011


These past few months have been hectic to say the least, and my Rolling Stone magazine subscription has become a victim of the chaos.  In a rare moment of calm, I thumbed through my growing stack of back issues and cherry picked a few headlines that sparked my interest.  I took a few minutes to read "Why R.E.M. called it quits" and then I proceeded to take a trip down memory lane.  I had heard it mentioned that R.E.M had broken up but I never took time to realize just how much I would miss them.

R.E.M was one of the first "real" bands I listened to.  I can remember watching the losing my religion video on MTV every time it came on (which was a lot).  The song is fantastic and the video is weird, a perfect combination for a music video (remember those?).  Losing my religion also transcended generations within my own family: my mom and dad liked it too.  In fact, I would say R.E.M is one of the few bands that all four members of my immediate family enjoy.  Many R.E.M songs take me back to long car rides on our annual family summer vacations and I can not help but smile.  R.E.M serves as background music when I think about my childhood and they will forever be a part of these cherished memories.

No album solicits such memories as often as Automatic for the People, without a doubt one of the greatest albums ever made.  In 1992 I had the tape to listen to in my Walkman and the CD to listen to on my stereo at home.  I cannot believe that album is 19 years old, where has all the time gone?  I can remember listening to Man on the Moon on the portable CD player I snuck into Boy Scout camp.  Everybody Hurts was frequently played throughout middle and high school for obvious reasons.  Find the River accompanied my "what does it all mean" college phase.  Now Nightswimming plays when I am enjoying a glass of wine with my beautiful wife.  

I am not going to play music critic and explain how R.E.M were the original alternative rock band or delve into their vast range of musical styles and genius.  Instead I am going to post my 5 favorite REM songs and recommend my readers take a few minutes and enjoy the raw beauty of one of the great bands of all time:

5.  Talk about the passion
4.  Stand

3.  Find the River

2.  The One I Love

1.  Nightswimming

Honorable Mention- Check out their "final" song, talk about going out on top...

Wednesday, November 2, 2011


I still think Tim Tebow will be a winning NFL QB...I may be wrong but I am assuredly still cheering for him.

I am just waiting for all the angry, "I told you so!" from all my wannabe NFL scouts followers.  "He sucks!"  "I was right!" "I know everything about football!" "Fuck You!"  Hang on...

I understand that everyone gets their kicks piling on to two bad games (they won one) but why is there no perspective?  Why is he all of the sudden the worst player to ever play football after only starting 6 games in his career for a shitty team?  Hasn't Blaine Gabbert started 6 or so games?   Why am I not hearing how much he sucks?  The reason is because ESPN said Gabbert would be good and that Tebow would suck and everyone wants to be right.  Unfortunately sports conversation is all about throwing some shit out and seeing if it sticks.  We all watch ESPN and it makes us feel like a scout team because we hear analyst after analyst repeat the same "takes".  I was under the impression that Cam Newton was going to be terrible because he couldn't give Jon Gruden a verbal play call...what happened to that?
The truth is I am a huge Tebow fan and I will always spin anything to make him look better.   It is also true that I am putting pictures of Tebow shirtless on this blog to make his haters even more angry and jealous.  I like that he is a genuine person as well as an intense competitor and leader.  What is so bad about that?  Being a fan is about more than trying to be "right" and hating everything that may get in your way.  So if I could ask one thing of my readers, please leave your bullshit "analysis" out of this for just this one time.  We all have sports opinions, these debates are part of what makes sports great.  But the Tebow hatred has gotten out of hand and there is no perspective in our current minute to minute knee jerk reactions to what is going on in sports.  I will leave you with this: