Friday, December 30, 2011

New Year's Resolutions

We are knocking on 2012's door and it is time to deliver our New Year's resolutions.  This will be the first new year of Proctor's Type which is exciting and surprising at the same time.  I am looking forward to posting my New Year's resolutions for all my readers in the hopes that it will hold me more accountable and at the very least give me something to write about over the next year.  The following are my three New Year's resolutions, ranging from important to ridiculous:

1.  Weight Watchers
I will be attending my first Weight Watchers meeting January 2nd.  Ever since college I have had extra pounds I have been trying to shed.  I have had periods where I have worked out hard, dieted, and lost weight; however a loss of motivation leads to those lbs. coming back.  The latest chapter in weight loss involved me losing 20 or so pounds prior to my wedding then putting all or most back on in the celebrations that have followed.  This year is the year that I begin a healthy lifestyle, lose the pounds and keep them off for good.  Laura and I will be holding each other accountable on our daily points and I think I have found an exercise/hobby that I really enjoy.  Please wish me luck and keep me motivated through 2012, hopefully you will get to see a post about weight loss success.  

2.  Biking
The aforementioned exercise/hobby that I have taken up is cycling.  My parents and Laura bought me a Trek for my birthday last year.  I rode consistently for the next few months and worked my way up to being able to ride 10 miles consistently.  This resolution is that I will do a 50 mile ride at some point this year.  I am chomping at the bit for biking weather and now have a bike rack for the jeep as well as tools and an air pump.  Right now 50 miles sounds tough but I have many biking friends and family members who consistently do 50 miles plus.  

3.  Hoarding
You probably think this means I am going to stop hoarding, however my resolution is just the opposite.  Laura and I keep a pretty clean and organized home.  This leads to me judging all of the hoarders I see on TV.  If you follow my twitter account you may see tweets such as these during a viewing of the A & E program Hoarders:
"#hoarders pissing me off again"
"Throw away that piece of shit, its not more important than your family #hoarders"
"Stop making excuses and CLEAN YOUR FUCKING HOUSE #hoarders"

Its obvious from these tweets that I am ignorant to the disease and should gain a better understanding of hoarding behavior before commenting.  For that reason I plan to hoard in 2012.  I am going to select one room of my house and hoard the hell out of it.  If I finish a coke can I am going to walk to the hoarded room and throw it on the floor.  Instead of washing my clothes I am going to pile them up in the corner of the hoarder room.  After I make a fresh Keurig cup of coffee (history here), I will throw the used K cup on a bookshelf.  I will not clean the cat litter anymore and may introduce some new creatures to the room.  

Once I have my room hoarded, dirty and virtually uninhabitable I will begin to spend all of my free time in there.  Who knows, maybe I will like it and you will see me on Hoarders sometime.  

Thursday, December 29, 2011

And on the 4th Day...

Quick title note, per my wife's suggestion, I will no longer have the date after And on the 4th day's title.

Faith and Family 
This is the time of year when we all make our New Year's resolutions.  This is the year we lose weight, quit smoking, start bathing daily etc.  While these popular resolutions are noble and respected, I would like to recommend a resolution we could all stand to enact.  This year we should work on using more perspective and knowledge when it comes to discussions, arguments and other's opinions.  It has become all too common place to say something, someone or somewhere "sucks" based solely on our own ignorant biases.  If you do not believe me look through the comments section of a news story on almost any webpage.

This past week I was on a webpage forum discussing various law schools and asked some University of Kentucky applicants if they had also applied to the University of Louisville.  Another user quickly replied that they could not stand Louisville as a whole and could not imagine why anyone would want to live there.  They were telling perspective students bullshit about MY city.   I quickly became upset and thought "I bet they have not ever even been to Louisville, or at least not the "whole" city, plus they are from Lexington for God sake's".

Then came one of those no-fun moments of humility and self discovery.  I could have replied that it was in fact Lexington that sucks, that the city has no culture and reeks of horse crap.  Of course I do not know if any of those things are true (probably not), they were the product of my emotional, reactionary, biased thoughts.  I quickly determined that spewing mindless garbage about another's home was not going to help anyone decide what law school to attend.  My simple reply was to copy their gushing description of Lexington and paste it to my thoughts on Louisville (clever, huh?).

Whether its a city, religion, Tim Tebow or Eddie Bauer vs. Polo Ralph Lauren, constructive perspective and knowledge are much better tools to use for these debates.  So, if you are on the hunt for New Year's resolutions, consider this one.

Last Thursday night an all-time great collegiate football player played his last amateur game.  The sad part is most of us probably missed it.  We were done reading And on the 4th Day, comfortable in our favorite chair and probably decided to pass on the MAACO Las Vegas Bowl.  In the game a one loss Boise State team trounced a 6-6 Pac 12 opponent (Arizona State) 56-24.  Due to the ridiculous nature of the NCAA bowl system, the top 10 ranked Boise State squad was sent to Las Vegas to whip up on ASU while inferior teams will be playing in front of huge audiences and for millions of dollars in BCS games.

Boise State's Quarterback Kellen Moore finished his college career with a 50-3 record, that's right, in his four year college career he won FIFTY games and lost only three.  What does he have to show for it?  A 4th place finish in the 2010 Heisman Race and one BCS victory.  Despite Boise State's early season victories over powerhouses Oregon and Virginia Tech over the years, everyone just "knew" that Boise could not run with the big boys and that Kellen Moore was just a "system" QB.  So here we are, wondering what could have been with the winning-est college QB leading his team's defense of the Maaco Las Vegas bowl.

Our World
While Carl and I were on our morning walk, we came across a haunting sight.  There was an unwrapped (used?) condom on the sidewalk.  I would not have been so horrified if it was not something I had seen before.  Years ago, while living in my parents house, my friend Travis and I came across a huge pile of condoms off the side of the road.  What is with all these condoms on the ground?  

Are people having sex on the sidewalk and simply discarding the used condom on the ground?  Is it displayed as some sort of unwelcome sign of victory like when a cat drags a disgusting carcass to the front porch?  Now do not get me wrong, I am all for safe sex but there is nothing safe about this situation.  Throwing a used condom on the ground exposes the general public to the spread of disease that the couple is trying to prevent!  The more I think about this, the more I think that I should have the Center for Diesase Control's (CDC for short) phone number programmed into my speed dial.  I am fairly certain that latex can exist a couple of hundred years before dissolving.  Who in their right mind is going to pick that thing up and throw it away?  It could easily stay where it is and run the risk of ruining life for generations to come.

Unfortunately, I do not have a solution for this epidemic.  My advice would be to always be looking down and explain to your children that throwing a condom on the ground is not OK and to never handle condoms found on the sidewalk.

Tool of the Week
Yorvit Torrealba
Who?!?  Exactly.  Only hard core baseball fans know who Yorvit Torrealba is and it should have stayed that way.  Unfortunately, Yorvit took it upon himself to slap an umpire at a VENEZUELAN WINTER LEAGUE GAME.  He was so enraged at an umpire during a VENEZUELAN WINTER LEAGUE GAME that he simply could not help himself and slapped him.  Get over yourself Yorvit Torrealba!  You are Yorvit Torrealba, you used to be known as a utility catcher with a decent pinch hit bat and a name that is hard to pronounce and spell.  Now you are known as an asshole, way to go.   

Beer of the Week

While we are reading things that are hard to pronounce, Smithwick's is the beer of the week.  A classic Irish Style ale, Smithwick's has excellent drink-ability balanced with a nice red flavor.  Also a great value, a six of Smithwick's costs about $8 and can be found almost anywhere beer is sold.  I know a lot of readers only do the Irish beer once a year, my recommendation is to mix this in the rotation throughout the year.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

And on the 4th day...12/22/2011

First off I want to congratulate Tim Radway for winning the naming contest for my weekly Thursday blog entry.  His explanation for how he came up with the name: "A title for Thursdays, it should be "And on the 4th Day"...a semi biblical reference since it seems like you like God and whatnot, but also since Thursday is the 4th day of the week."  Funny guy with a funny blog, check his out here:

Faith and Family
I recently had an exchange with a customer that went something like this:
Me: Happy Holidays
Customer: Now why would you say that to me and not Merry Christmas?
Me:  I say happy holidays to everyone.
Customer:  Well I say Merry CHRISTMAS to everyone

I obviously should have thanked this customer, they are "putting the Christ back in Christmas" after all.  Seriously though, are we so polarized and divisive now that saying happy holidays as opposed to Merry Christmas is frowned upon?  The phrase happy holidays includes Christmas, now if I had said "I want to wish you happy holidays except for Christmas", I could possibly see a reason to be upset.  I recommend reverting back to when Christmas was not a "political issue".

This year, we as Christians should strive to celebrate Christ's birth by spreading the good news through our actions and not our words.  Forgiving a friend or family member who has wronged you,  donating money or time to help those in need, or shoveling a neighbor's driveway seem more "Christmasy" than saying the appropriate holiday greeting or shunning the neighbor with the menorah in the window.  Christ's message of love and peace is a perfect one, and the anniversary of his birth is an ideal time to share that message.  Let's just not get hung up on terminology or one-upping each other's front lawn nativity scenes.  

Oh yeah, to all of my readers:  I wish you and your families the happiest of holidays and a blessed new year.

I decided to consolidate my NBA preview into a series of predictions with the idea that I would go more in depth prior to the playoffs (like last year: 2011 NBA playoff preview).  Hopefully these are a little more accurate:
Eastern Conference Playoffs:
Opening Round:
(1)Miami Heat d. (8) Orlando Magic (3-0)
(2)Chicago Bulls d. (7) Atlanta Hawks (3-1)
(3)NY Knicks d. (6) New Jersey Nets (3-2)
(5) Indiana Pacers d. (4) Boston Celtics (3-1)
Semi Finals:
(1)Miami Heat d. (5) Indiana Pacers (4-2)
(2)Chicago Bulls d. (3) NY Knicks (4-1)
(1)Miami Heat d. (2) Chicago Bulls (4-3)

Western Conference Playoffs:
Opening Round:
(1) OKC Thunder d. (8) Portland Trail Blazers (3-0)
(2) Dallas Mavericks d. (7) San Antonio Spurs (3-2)
(6) Denver Nuggets d. (3) Memphis Grizzlies (3-2)
(4) LA Lakers d. (5) LA Clippers (3-1)
Semi Finals:
(1)OKC Thunder d. (4) LA Lakers (4-2)
(2)Dallas Mavericks d. (6) Denver Nuggerts (4-3)
(2)Dallas Mavericks d. (1)OKC Thunder (4-3)

NBA Finals:
Miami Heat d. Dallas Mavericks (4-1)

MVP: LeBron James
Finals MVP: LeBron James
Leading Scorer: Kevin Durant
Defensive Player of the Year: Dwight Howard
Rookie of the Year: Kemba Walker

Our World
These cars as Christmas gift commercials are getting extremely out of hand.  NO ONE GETS A FUCKING CAR FOR CHRISTMAS!  If an alien came to earth and watched TV for an hour they would assume that luxury cars were the most frequently given gift.  Recent commercials have taken it to a whole new level, they begin with the gift receiver obtaining what I guess is supposed to be a shitty gift, like a new smart phone or necklace.  Lo and behold the smart phone has a picture of the new car in the driveway and the necklace has a key attached to it!  Thank God it was not just a $500 gift! 

I guess I could be wrong and brand new cars are frequently given as gifts and I am simply unaware.  If this is the case, I will choose to remain ignorant.  This is due to the fact that if I came across such gifts I would beat the red bowed auto with a lead pipe until I proved my point or went to jail.  This economy is too rough to have to deal with these 1% bullshit commercials.  
Someone get me a baseball bat...
Tool of the week:
Sometimes, deep down, we know something is true but refuse to accept it because it feels better to believe the story.  This very situation surfaced this week:  guess what, Rudy is a douche bag.  We all have seen the movie and we so, so want it to be true as told.  Sure we thought that the story was a little-bit embellished for Hollywood, but the general premise is so inspirational!  Well, it has been known for years that Daniel Ruettiger (Rudy) campaigned for the movie to be made and that many of the scenes were completely fabricated.  Joe Montana himself said the famed jersey scene never happened and that Coach Devine's depiction was ridiculous.

Up until this week all we had on our hands was a deceptive movie.  Now Rudy has shown his true colors, he has been fined hundreds of thousands of dollars by the SEC for a pump and dump stock scheme. He made a crappy sports drink, told stockholders it was outselling Gatorade then dumped his stock before his scheme could be figured out.  Watching Rudy will never be the same!

Beer of the Week
Fuller's ESB
Having recently booked our London/Paris honeymoon, Laura and I (well mostly me) have decided its time to get our English brew on.  Of the few different kinds I have had, Fuller's ESB is by far the best.  There are enough hops to give a delicious, not-too-bitter flavor.  The 5.5% ABV is reasonable and does not slow drinkability.  A Fuller's brewery tour has been added to the must-do list.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Yet-To-Be-Named Thursday Weekly Post 12/15/2011

Earlier today I blogged about some changes to come to Proctor's Type (link here).  A weekly Thursday newsletter style entry is at the top of the list and this is the first of those.  Do not forget that there is a contest going on to name this weekly entry, please comment with your ideas and the winner will be announced with the official naming next week.  Here we go:

Faith and Family
I have a couple of very exciting items to share regarding my personal life.  The first is that I am an Uncle again, Laura's brother and wife had a healthy baby boy Nolan Christopher Hayes.  The name relates perfectly to my taste in film.  Mother and baby are doing great and brother Carter is excited to have a new playmate.  Laura and I are going to have to squeeze in a trip up north to meet him in person.

Back in April of this year I made a decision that I was going to attend law school and change careers.  For years I had tossed the law school idea around but never put in the effort to put it into action.  Thanks to 28 years of maturity, a 100% supportive wife and helpful advice from friends and family, I decided that now is the time.  I had two months to study for the June LSAT with the goal of obtaining a score that would offset my average GPA from undergrad and allow me to be admitted.

After hours and hours of practice tests and logic games I took the June 2011 LSAT and received a score that I am very proud of.  From that point, I obtained letters of recommendation from a former boss and a lawyer friend from church and banged out a quality personal statement.  Over September and October I applied to six schools (Louisville, Kentucky, Cincinnati, Northern KY, Valparaiso and Michigan State) and the waiting game began.

A few months of impatiently checking email and snail mail culminated yesterday with my receiving my 6th and final acceptance from the University of Louisville.  Thinking back to April, when I was unsure where or even if I would be admitted, I am ecstatic that I have a choice of schools.  I am truly blessed to be in this situation and I have to admit I am excited about this life transition.  I pray for patience, guidance and strength as my family decides where I will attend and even more importantly how in the hell we are going to pay for it.

As to which schools I am leaning towards, I plan to withdraw from Michigan State and Valparaiso in the coming weeks, as these do not appear to be the best situations for us.  Decisions from that point will be based on a few different factors, including potential scholarship opportunities and our willingness to relocate or commute.  As Sara Bareilles would say, it is a little uncharted from here.  Cincy did get a little leg up when they sent me this sweet Christmas card:

Depending on my upcoming holiday schedule, I hope to put together a full NBA 2011-2012 preview in the next couple of weeks.  Hopefully it is a little more on point than my playoff preview fail from last year (Link Here , the article was solid, the projections, not so much).  Until then I figured I would fill you all in on my sleeper: my Indiana Pacers!  That's right, while everyone has discussed the CP3 deal, the Pacers sneaked in and grabbed David West.  Keep in mind that Darren Collison and David West played together in New Orleans and look at this lineup on paper:
PG- Darren Collison
SG/SF- Danny Granger
SG/SF- Paul George
PF- David West
C- Roy Hibbert
Bench- Tyler Hansrough, George Hill, Dahntay Jones, A.J Price, Jeff Foster

Now call me crazy but that looks like a deep team with a nice mix of young and veteran players.  Also remember that although they only won one game, the Pacers gave Chicago all they could handle in their first round playoff match-up.

Our World
It is almost a daily occurrence that I see a Facebook status update regarding the demise of music.  Examples include:  "today's music sucks!" "fuck modern music!"  "if I have to listen to pop radio I am going to murder everyone!".  Personally I grew up listening to a wide variety of music.  I love classics like Bruce Springsteen, Bob Dylan and Heart. Through my youth and college I listened to a lot of alternative rock, made mix cds for friends with bands they had never heard of and felt as though I had "good taste" in music.  I am sure if I went through my old Facebook and Myspace stuff there was something about the demise of music.

These days seem to be different.  I find myself listening to Katy Perry, Sara Bareilles, Ke$ha, Rihanna and the like constantly.  Now here is the kicker: this new music is legit!  Have I lost my "taste" or is this shit just that good?  I am going to have to disagree with this demise of music talk.  It could be I am just not cool anymore. I may be out of touch, seeing as I have "discovered" Pandora Radio, Mumford and Sons, and Florence and the Machine all within the last six months.  Whatever it is, I am going to keep banging my KP Teenage Dream CD and drown out all this talk.  And to all of you modern music haters, I challenge you to play some Adele, LMFAO, Beyonce etc. to start your Christmas event and watch that party explode!

Tool of the Week

Newt Gingrich
Seriously GOP...this guy?  You can not be serious.  I do not know if you all missed it, but this past week Newt took his 4th no adultery pledge (the first three being his marriages).  No, this is not a joke (Link Here).  Remember all the republicans saying Clinton's strong economy did not matter because "you can not trust a man who cheats on his wife".  What the fuck happened to that?  Oh that's right, none of that "family values" shit matters to the GOP when it hurts their true cause: lowering taxes for the most wealthy Americans.  So why lie about it, why masquerade this "cause" with anything else?  Its because they want to dupe hard-working, decent people into believing that its about abortion, gay marriage or guns when in reality its about screwing the middle class over so that the uber-rich can keep all of their money and power.  I hope this guy wins the nomination because I want four more years of Obama, but at the same time it is sad that half of our country will vote for him without giving any thought as to his true motivations.

Beer of the Week

Bell's Double Cream Stout
It is getting to be that time of year when the beers get as dark as the sky outside.  Winter time is great for staying warm inside and sipping on dark beer.  Stouts do not get much darker or smoother than this one from my favorite brewery.  I drank a few of these at a Christmas party last weekend and highly recommend it. Plenty of chocolate and coffee flavors but not enough to be considered a chocolate or coffee stout per say.  I paid $13 for the six pack.
Rating: 8/10

Spreading Proctor's Type

Increasing Readership
As many of you have noticed, I have been trying to increase Proctor's Type readership.  I have been posting new and classic blog posts on Facebook and Twitter more often.  Proctor's Type now has a fan page on Facebook (please check out and like) and a twitter @Proctorstype (please follow).  If you are a Digg reader, you can find a few Proctor's Type posts to digg.

One of the most exciting things after typing a blog post is going back and checking the "stats":  how many people are reading?  Where are they coming from?  Has anyone commented?  Has anyone "liked" or shared the post on Facebook?  A well thought out blog (which some of mine are) that contains pictures can take up to three hours to type, insert pictures, edit and post.  All the time and effort payoff when someone says nice read or something to that effect.  Hell, its worth it when someone comments and disagrees with whatever I am writing about, at least I know they read it and thought about it.

Now, how can I spread Proctor's Type more?  How can I get new readers?  I would appreciate any ideas from my current readers, you all know what you like and what you do not about blogs on the internet.  My ask is for readers to comment (positive or negative), like, share, retweet, digg etc., any and all help in sharing Proctor's Type is greatly appreciated.

Yet to be named Thursday Newsletter 
While brainstorming ideas to increase readership, I recalled multiple conversations with my mother that went something like this:
Me: "Mom, did you read my blog?"
Her: "Oh yeah, the one about your wedding?  Laura is so beautiful"
Me: "No mom, I was actually referring to the multiple posts since the wedding one"
Her: "Oh, no, I can't read those sports and beer ones, I don't know what you are talking about"
This made me think: if I can not get my own mother to read every post, how can I expect a consistent following from friends and even strangers?

My favorite thing about Proctor's Type is that it is not specialized, I do not just write about sports, my personal life, travel etc. I write about an array of subjects that interest myself and hopefully my readers.  Unfortunately for readership this creates a problem, not everyone has the exact same interests as me, some readers love sports but are not interested in contrived social issues.  Some are yearning to learn the history of coffee but could care less about amateur beer reviews.  With an average of 4-5 posts a month, there can be months between Beer Reviews or News and Notes.  So how can I increase consistent readership and still not specialize my blog?

My solution is a yet-to-be-named, newsletter style post that I bang out every Thursday.  In each entry will be shorter, more concise blips about subjects near and dear to Proctor's Type's heart.  Each (insert name of Thursday blog) will have sections devoted to Faith and Family, Sports and not so serious Social Commentary (Our World ), as well as a beer of the week, and a tool of the week (tool being a derogatory term for another person, not like a wrench or anything).  There will still be the traditional single subject posts as well but News and Notes as well as Beer Reviews are a thing of the past.  My goal is to have readers expecting the yet-to-be-named Thursday blog and being able to skip what does not interest them and enjoy what does.

I am already sick of typing yet-to-be-named Thurday blog so I am encouraging my readers to submit ideas, with the winner being announced in next week's edition.  Keep in mind that "Thirsty Thursday: quenching (something)" has already been presented and is being considered.  Please look for the first Thursday blog later TODAY and let me know what you think.

Astute readers have probably noticed advertisements to the right and at the bottom of each entry.  When I started Proctor's Type earlier this year, I thought about how cool it would be to make any amount of money, no matter how small, from my blog.  I went months before adding the advertisements but recently decided it was time to give it a try.  I have worked the template so that the ads do not interfere too much.  The ads seem to be related to the blog content, so that is pretty cool.  If you see an ad for a site or product you were planning on checking out or if something catches your eye feel free to click, the ad will populate in a separate window.  Trust me, I am certainly not getting rich off of this and making money is not the intent if Proctor's Type.

Well, here is a picture of Tom Brady...enjoy and I will see you soon with the first edition of the Yet-To-Be-Named Thursday blog

Friday, December 9, 2011

Bring the Hornets to the Ville

How do we fix the problem that is the league owning the New Orleans Hornets?   I have a completely unoriginal, calculated and rational idea: move the team to Louisville.  Being a native Louisvillian (is that what we are called?), I can attest that for years there have been rumors surrounding the possibility of an NBA team setting up shop in our beautiful city.  Louisville is a vibrant, growing city that lacks two things: a professional sports team and a couple of damn bridges (local problem, not to be discussed here).  Unfortunately, whenever this idea is presented three common complaints are heard about why it "just would not work".  Let us look into these reasons and see just how much water they hold:

1.  They would not have a place to play
I know this seems silly considering that we are home to a new 22,000 seat palace (Yum Center) and a practically vacant 19,000 seat facility (Freedom Hall).  However, nay-sayers assume that U of L would not share the Yum Center and that Freedom Hall is too dated.  In terms of the Yum Center, I am sure that if it was solely up to the University of Louisville athletic department that they would be hesitant, but that should not be the case.  If I recall correctly, tax payer funds were used for the construction of the Yum Center and therefore the facility should be used for the best interest of the city.  If the slightly smaller Staples Center in LA can host two NBA franchises, a WNBA team and a NHL team, something tells me our college team (whom I am an avid fan of) can share the Yum Center.
Slap a Hornet picture next to the Cardinal, easy.

If there are contractual problems with the sharing of the Yum Center,  a renovated Freedom Hall would be another viable option.  Parking would not be a problem considering U of L played there for decades and routinely packed in 19,000 fans.  Many aesthetic touch-ups would need to be made and a few more luxury boxes added, but the facility itself is large enough.  Improvements and renovations would make it a more likely host of major concerts, rodeos etc.  Please remember that all of the facility doubters are the same people who said no one would ever go downtown to watch a U of L game...

2.  Louisville is not big enough for a professional sports team
I know Louisville's 27th highest populated U.S. city number is a little fudged (top 50) but it should be noted that we have more potential NBA fans than many cities that already have a team.  Studies have also listed Louisville as the city with the most profit potential for an NBA team among cities without a team.  It should also be noted that many Lexington (63rd most populated U.S. city) die-hards would routinely drive 90 miles to see more basketball.  Personally I travel to Indianapolis to catch the Pacers and do not see any major difference that dictates why they can support a team and we could not.  There is plenty of walking distance lodging, dining and nightlife, especially around the Yum Center.  I think not having a professional team in Louisville is holding the city back from being grouped with other major cities in the area in terms of national notoriety.

3.  We are a college basketball town, no one cares about the pros    
No offense to readers who think this, but this is the most ridiculous of arguments against an NBA franchise in Louisville.  Dallas loves high school and college football but they seem to be supporting the Cowboys.  Now I will admit that the NBA does not have nearly as wide of net as the NFL in terms of casual fans but the general point is still similar.  In Kentucky basketball is king, so wouldn't make sense that we should have an NBA team and not the opposite?  Just because we prefer collegiate basketball (for now) does not mean we simply would not follow a local NBA team.  I like pepperoni on my pizza, but if you hand me a plain cheese slice I am not going to throw it in the trash.  

A couple of years ago my wife bought us tickets to go see the Pacers play the Nets in Indianapolis.  It was late in the season and both teams were eliminated from playoff contention but we hand-picked this game...we wanted to see T-Will (Terrence Williams, former Cardinal)!  This is what I think is most often left out of this discussion: we love our Cardinals and our Cats while playing in college and after.  I am sure some of my Wildcat fan readers still have their Antoine Walker Celtic jersey in the closet somewhere.  

With the rate U of K and to a lesser degree U of L are churning players into the NBA, odds are a couple will end up on the Louisville Hornets.  Imagine a franchise player like John Wall or Anthony Davis taking our team to the playoffs, I am sure plenty of fans would want to see that.  Our NBA team could even create a situation where Cards and Cats fans are cheering for *gasp* the other team's former players.  

The league's recent rejection of the Chris Paul trade is proof that the Hornet's ownership situation is broken, they have no place in New Orleans and the situation needs to be resolved quickly.  So come on Louisville, lets band together and help the NBA fix this problem.  

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Heisman 2011

One of my favorite sporting awards is the Heisman trophy.  There are thousands of potential winners and there is very rarely a sure-fire winner.  Campaigns are ran to try and get certain players to win and former winners get a vote.  In no other sport does an MVP type of award have so much politicking and debate surrounding it.  This will be my first blog in which I submit my Heisman vote that does not count.  Just like the actual vote, my vote will rank three players of the five finalists.

HONORABLE MENTION:  Although not finalists, Kellen Moore(QB, Boise State) and Case Keenum (QB, Houston) would be excellent choices for the Heisman.  Unfortunately college football always favors the big boys and TD/Int ratios of 41/7 (Moore) and 45/5 (Keenum, who also threw for over 5k yards) are afterthoughts compared to the revenue the school a player plays for produces.

I guess I am done bitching about that for the day, on to the list:

The finalists are Robert Griffin III QB Baylor, Andrew Luck QB Stanford, Trent Richardson RB Alabama, Montee Ball RB Wisconsin and Tyrann Mathieu DB/PR LSU

And my choices...
3.  Trent Richardson RB Alabama
Alabama's Trent Richardson had a season for the ages.  Opposing teams knew he was Alabama's main weapon on offense and still failed to slow him down, much less stop him.  Trent ran for 1583 yards and 20 TDs with the opponent's stacking the box against him.  It is for this reason that I place him above the other RB Montee Ball.  Ball's numbers may be flashier than Richardson's but he had a lot more open up for him due to the phenomenal play of his teammate QB Russ Wilson.  It should be noted that Richardson's numbers are VERY similar to his former teammate Mark Ingram's, who took home the Heisman two years ago.  He also wins the unofficial award for "Heisman candidate I would least like to make mad"

2.  Andrew Luck QB Stanford
If you have been watching ESPN this past season, you may think Andrew Luck is already a hall of fame NFL quarterback.  Many got too caught up in projecting him to the NFL and missed his amazing college season.  Playing QB for an other-wise average Stanford team, Luck was one win away from being in the national championship game, which he returned this season to try and accomplish.  Luck threw for over 3000 yards and 35 TDs to just 9 INT.  Luck was without a doubt the catalyst to his team's success and deserves a lion share of the credit for their BCS bowl appearance.  I haven't been able to figure out if girls think he is cute.

1.  Robert Griffin III
If I had a Heisman vote (I don't, sorry), I would undoubtedly have RG3 at the top.  His passing numbers(3998 yds, 36-6 TD-INT) exceed Luck's in every aspect and he added 9 TDs on the ground.  He did all this while playing for a Baylor team that lacks overall talent along the lines of Stanford.  The Heisman shouldn't be based on who will be the best professional player and it should not be an SEC player of the year award.  Robert Griffin III is the real deal and I believe he is the most deserving Heisman candidate since Tim Tebow.  Now if I could just figure out why he has that RG3 nickname...

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Outerwear and the Inner Soul

Over time we all become our outerwear...or so it seems.  Recently I have decided to purchase some new outerwear (aka jackets and coats) and have been blown away by the magnitude of the choice ahead of me.  What brand is the toughest? the warmest?  the most prestigious? I obviously do not want to make a poor style choice or be cold.  What if I take up snowboarding or run my car off the road miles away from civilization?

Apparently when I was a youth (and until about 3 months ago) I did not understand outerwear.  Starter coats were the norm through 6th grade, then I went through my wild-ass "alternative" years and got an Adidas coat.  I was warm enough and the honeys loved it, so I was in the clear.  Those were simpler times however, and these days school administrators are clamoring to come up with solutions to outerwear problems.  First graders have had their down feathers plucked one by one, leaving them with nothing except water resistance.    Middle Schoolers are being bullied by fellow students with a higher warmness factor.  High schools have had to institute an "inside-out" policy to slow down the on-going Northface/Spyder feud.  Once-safe neighborhoods now have outer shells thrown over every other power line.

When did this begin?  Has it always been there and it took me marrying someone from Michigan to realize it? Growing up in the south end of Louisville, I always assumed an average adult wore Carhartt or an ugly leather U of K jacket.  Now that I travel up north to visit family and east to Prospect and Middletown, I have a whole new outlook on outerwear.  I hear that Colombia is the real deal.  Some say Marmot is legit.  Hard-liners scream Eddie Bauer or bust.  Political and religious debate has given way to a never-ending discussion as to whether Edmund Hillary (wiki) was wearing Mountain Hard Wear or Patagonia when he made his historic ascent.  

It did not take long for me to get wrapped up in my own outerwear.  I recently acquired a sweet Eddie Bauer fall jacket and a Land's End down coat.  I find myself waking in the middle of the night, sweating, wearing both at the same time, all the while having no recollection of putting them on.  After a long talk with family and friends (I wouldn't call it an intervention..) I have decided that my 2012 New Year's resolution will be to wear my outerwear and not let it wear me.  

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Verlander: Proctor's Type MLB Winner 2011

Justin Verlander is the real deal. He rightfully won the AL MVP award to go along with the AL Cy Young award.  Obviously I am biased for Tigers, but I believe anyone who looks at the 2011 regular season as a whole would agree that Justin Verlander was the most valuable player.  The Tigers counted on him to stop losing streaks, as he went 16-3 when the Tigers had lost the day before his start.  He won 24 games, threw a no hitter and took home the pitching triple crown.  

 JV can add another award to his mantel: Proctor's Type MLB winner 2011.  Proctor's Type is a new award given to athletes in various sports who I believe had the best season.  The criteria is completely my own thoughts and feelings and I actually just came up with this idea about ten minutes ago.  The award is a blog entry, a sweet picture and an interesting story/anecdote/statistic etc. about each winner.

Congratulations Justin
In an interview with Dan Patrick, Justin Verlander was asked who he would have voted for the AL MVP and he said himself (good choice).  He was then asked who he would vote for besides himself and he said Miguel (good choice).  The best part was when Dan asked him what non-tiger he would vote for and he said Bautista.  Dan followed that up by giggling and asking whether Bautista had taken him deep last year and JV replied "no, no, I threw a no-hitter against those guys".

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Proctoberfest 10/01/2011

As many of you know I recently married the love of my life Laura Hayes.  The ceremony and reception were everything we wanted and more.  It was without a doubt the best day of my life.  I want to thank all of our family and friends who made it so special.  Obviously this calls for a blog...

As I've been thinking about what I wanted to write about Proctoberfest, I remembered that many say "a picture is worth x words" (the x represents an unknown quantity due to the on-going debate about how many words a picture in actually worth).  Thanks to our aunt Joni and a few other friends with an eye for a photographic moment, we have many great photos to share.  The challenge I have presented for Proctor's Type is to select 25 of these photographs and create a top 25 list to encompass Proctoberfest.  I will try to get as many attendees as possible pictured, but if you do not see yourself it is nothing personal, we still love you.  Also the "rankings" of the 1-25 are not ranking people but the pictures themselves.  Without further ado..

Laura and Bride's Maid Emily

I was not fortunate enough to be a part of the getting ready process with the women but it looks like I missed out on a lot of fun...I think.

Best man Sam & Maid of Honor Katie
Now this is how you make an entrance.

Laura & I
The cake tasted great.


I am the luckiest man in the world.

A hell of a performance
In a performance that will never be forgotten (unless you drank too much at the reception),  your's truly pulled out the classic "Jesse's Girl" with some modified lyrics (Proctor's Girl, get it?).  Many seem curious, Enes seems unimpressed, Lanna seems hesitant, Blake seems more excited than anyone and Kevin now has a piece of video he can cherish forever.  Just remember, a little showmanship and alcohol can cover for any voice, no matter how bad.

Proctoberfest Toast
Proctoberfest, the previously blogged about beer created by Groomsman Buddy, was a huge hit.  I also think the 7% ABV loosened quite a few guests up.

Carter (Ring Bearer) and Cindy (Mother in Law)
Groomsman Ben's car and Groom
These days you can not have any type of photo session without a "Euro pic".  Luckily for me, Ben has a slammed VW with a cold air intake and a manual transmission.  Combine that with my Euro pose and you can not say anything except this photo is Euro as hell.

Sarah, Bride's Maid and Sister
Sarah sang beautifully...

Bride's Maids Lindsay, Emily, Megan, Maid of Honor Katie, Flower Girl Mary
And everyone cried.

Laura and Flower Girl Mary
Mary is the perfect flower girl and the daughter of our awesome friends Mike and Sarah.  For those of you planing your own weddings, no you cannot use her.

My Bride
Bride and Susan (Mother in Law)

I love Susan's face in this picture.  She is happy but at the same time you can see she is realizing the moment.  For years she has been watching her beautiful daughter Laura grow and now a new phase in life begins.  Marriage affects so many beyond the bride and groom themselves.


My mom and I
Bruhs: Josh (literal bro), Buddy, Ben, Trav, Sullivan, Tim, Sam

Sometimes when you get a solid group of bruhs together you have to put on, represent etc.  That is what this is.

Hell of an entrance
Just when you start thinking Proctoberfest is wedding 2.0, pretty P pulls out the ol' twirl, a classic dance move.

Lauren, Lindsay, Katie, Laura, Megan, Emily, Laura (my sis), Sarah, Mary
Everyone smile, except Katie, we want you to scream

Flower girl Mary and Ring Bearer Carter (nephew)

Family Portrait #1
Bill's face FTW


Family Portrait #2
Family Portrait #3
Now we have the Proctor Clan, some have said we were the wild-cards in the whole deal.

Ok, so what in the hell is going on?
Things are really about to start popping off in this picture.  Directing the troops is our volunteer wedding coordinator Melissa, who did a fabulous job.

Bride and Groom
Our first kiss as husband and wife, a special moment.  Our pastor Jane is also kind of in the picture, we love her and she is a lock for POY (pastor of the year)

The Hole
Our church Crescent Hill Presbyterian is a beautiful building right in the heart of Crescent Hill.  There are many scenic shots to be had, but nothing compares to some bruhs heading down into the hole.  


Laura, my wife
This picture shows my wife as I know and love her: beautiful and fun.  We will now be laughing together forever and I could not be more excited.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Penn State

What is wrong with sports, especially collegiate sports?  Bruce Pearl is fired and disgraced because he had a recruit over for a barbecue.  The sports media and fans raked Jim Tressel over the coals because he covered up the fact that some of his players traded THEIR OWN memorabilia and autographs for cash and tattoos.  Miami football is in a state of disarray because a booster, who is now in prison, bought alcohol and prostitutes for players and recruits.   We can even go back to the SMU football "death penalty" in which a entire program was completely corrupted and the notion of amateur athlectics was thrown out the window.

Now I am not defending these actions or questioning their punishments.  I am simply bringing them up to show how small and petty they seem in comparison to what is going on at Penn State right now.  Everyone from the athletic director to Joe Patrerno and on down have KNOWINGLY, for years, covered up allegations of child rape and sexual abuse against a former defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky.  It is easy to say that they passed the buck and tried to clean their hands of it but it goes much deeper than that.
Full Grand Jury Report (very disturbing): Here

 Just think if someone came to you and told you they had seen a co-worker raping a child.  Would you simply send that up the chain of command?  If there was not any follow up, would you simply let it pass and not ask anymore questions?  Any decent person would have called the police and not let the pervert continue to pray on children.  Penn State does not understand the scope of this and they need to take the following steps to try to save any shred of decency within their football program:

1.  Fire Joe Paterno and do not give him any type of ceremony, he does not deserve it.  He has proven through his inaction that he is not what we thought he was and probably never was.
2.  Allow any current Penn State football player to transfer to any school without having to sit out a year
3.  Do not allow Penn State to profit from their football program for the next five years.  It is unfortunate but to really open eyes the money must stop coming in.
4.  I would recommend the Big 10 severing ties with Penn State in football only.  Penn State should have to play as an independent and not receive any conference money.

I feel terrible for Sandusky's victims and families.  I know that the collapse of a football program is not justice but it at least holds some of the perpetrators accountable.

Thursday, November 3, 2011


These past few months have been hectic to say the least, and my Rolling Stone magazine subscription has become a victim of the chaos.  In a rare moment of calm, I thumbed through my growing stack of back issues and cherry picked a few headlines that sparked my interest.  I took a few minutes to read "Why R.E.M. called it quits" and then I proceeded to take a trip down memory lane.  I had heard it mentioned that R.E.M had broken up but I never took time to realize just how much I would miss them.

R.E.M was one of the first "real" bands I listened to.  I can remember watching the losing my religion video on MTV every time it came on (which was a lot).  The song is fantastic and the video is weird, a perfect combination for a music video (remember those?).  Losing my religion also transcended generations within my own family: my mom and dad liked it too.  In fact, I would say R.E.M is one of the few bands that all four members of my immediate family enjoy.  Many R.E.M songs take me back to long car rides on our annual family summer vacations and I can not help but smile.  R.E.M serves as background music when I think about my childhood and they will forever be a part of these cherished memories.

No album solicits such memories as often as Automatic for the People, without a doubt one of the greatest albums ever made.  In 1992 I had the tape to listen to in my Walkman and the CD to listen to on my stereo at home.  I cannot believe that album is 19 years old, where has all the time gone?  I can remember listening to Man on the Moon on the portable CD player I snuck into Boy Scout camp.  Everybody Hurts was frequently played throughout middle and high school for obvious reasons.  Find the River accompanied my "what does it all mean" college phase.  Now Nightswimming plays when I am enjoying a glass of wine with my beautiful wife.  

I am not going to play music critic and explain how R.E.M were the original alternative rock band or delve into their vast range of musical styles and genius.  Instead I am going to post my 5 favorite REM songs and recommend my readers take a few minutes and enjoy the raw beauty of one of the great bands of all time:

5.  Talk about the passion
4.  Stand

3.  Find the River

2.  The One I Love

1.  Nightswimming

Honorable Mention- Check out their "final" song, talk about going out on top...

Wednesday, November 2, 2011


I still think Tim Tebow will be a winning NFL QB...I may be wrong but I am assuredly still cheering for him.

I am just waiting for all the angry, "I told you so!" from all my wannabe NFL scouts followers.  "He sucks!"  "I was right!" "I know everything about football!" "Fuck You!"  Hang on...

I understand that everyone gets their kicks piling on to two bad games (they won one) but why is there no perspective?  Why is he all of the sudden the worst player to ever play football after only starting 6 games in his career for a shitty team?  Hasn't Blaine Gabbert started 6 or so games?   Why am I not hearing how much he sucks?  The reason is because ESPN said Gabbert would be good and that Tebow would suck and everyone wants to be right.  Unfortunately sports conversation is all about throwing some shit out and seeing if it sticks.  We all watch ESPN and it makes us feel like a scout team because we hear analyst after analyst repeat the same "takes".  I was under the impression that Cam Newton was going to be terrible because he couldn't give Jon Gruden a verbal play call...what happened to that?
The truth is I am a huge Tebow fan and I will always spin anything to make him look better.   It is also true that I am putting pictures of Tebow shirtless on this blog to make his haters even more angry and jealous.  I like that he is a genuine person as well as an intense competitor and leader.  What is so bad about that?  Being a fan is about more than trying to be "right" and hating everything that may get in your way.  So if I could ask one thing of my readers, please leave your bullshit "analysis" out of this for just this one time.  We all have sports opinions, these debates are part of what makes sports great.  But the Tebow hatred has gotten out of hand and there is no perspective in our current minute to minute knee jerk reactions to what is going on in sports.  I will leave you with this: