Friday, November 8, 2013

Brew at the Zoo: a rant

The Louisville Zoo is considering selling beer.  It seems like a fantastic idea.  In fact, it is probably surprising to many that the Zoo does not already sell beer.  I read a local news story about it, pumped my fist a little, and assumed that this news would make everyone else's day the same way it made mine.  However, when I scrolled down to the comment section I was shocked to find that many informed, knowledgeable, unbiased Facebook commenters have made preventing the Zoo from selling beer their number one goal in life.  What was the Louisville Metro Government thinking doing studies and holding hearings when they could have just asked Facebook?

In all seriousness, we all know it is dangerous territory giving any credence whatsoever to  90% of the commenters of anything you read on the internet.  For reasons unknown they feel the need to shit on everything and interject the online universe with their close-minded "thoughts".  In the case of the Louisville Zoo selling beer, the first comment seemed to encompass all the thoughts of the detractors in one profound statement.  I am paraphrasing here, but it was something to the effect of "Terrible idea.  The zoo is a place for kids.  Doesn't seem right."  Everything about this comment, in my opinion, is wrong.  How about we look at the statements separately?

Terrible Idea.

Is selling beer at the zoo a terrible idea?  Well, if adding a huge revenue stream and getting more paying customers in the gate is a terrible idea for a place that always needs money to upgrade their facilities and increase their conservation efforts then, yes.  Seriously, beer is awesome and so are animals, the Zoo is now going to be home to both.  I know that I personally would be willing to pay $6 for a pint if I knew a couple dollars were going towards getting a new badass Silverback in Gorilla Forest.  Hell, if I really did some work they may name him Eric.  How about having a Carlsberg Elephant stand by the elephants?  $7 for a pint of 7% with a couple dollars going towards efforts to stop the illegal ivory trade.  During happy hour you get a pint for $4 if you can tell the Asian Elephant from the African Elephant without the aide of the sign in the front of the display.  Even the animals could chip in, imagine the Seals giving a shout out to their sponsors, Budweiser, by bouncing an inflatable beer can on their nose as opposed to a beach ball.  Having beer at the zoo is the opposite of a terrible idea., it may be the best idea the Zoo has had since the Herpaquarium.

The Zoo is a Place For Kids

No it is not.  The Zoo is a place for kids and adults alike.  You do not need to be a child or have one with you to get in.  Laura and I have been members of the Zoo for years before we had Crosby.  A trip to the Zoo is a great date and a fun way to get a little exercise.  Adults can enjoy the zoo just as much as children.  I was there, waiting in line for an hour, on Jojo's last day before moving to the Lincoln Park zoo in Chicago (talk about a terrible idea).  I miss him just as much as any other kid out there, probably more.  He threw his feces at adults the same way he did to kids.  The Zoo has built a carousel and playground for kids, it is time to create the Beertanical Garden for adults.

It Just Doesn't Seem Right

I am not 100% sure what this means.  Are people seriously afraid that bros are going to pay $15 to get in then start legit throwing them back at $6 apiece?  Do they think the parking lot may become a tailgate prior to the gates opening?  Could it be they can envision someone having one too many alligator ales and nodding off in the lion's den?  Wait, I am not sure this is my best argument...

One last idea:  once the cold ones start flowing how about selling annual passes with a beer stamp on them, charge three times as much but let every beer-stamped member get three free brews every time they go?  What an idea!  Talk to yall later, I need to comment on a Facebook article.