Monday, September 12, 2016

EXPLAINED: "All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You" by Heart

The Heart classic "All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You" is both powerful and beautiful. But it is also one of the most fucked up songs ever written.

If unfamiliar, please check this out

As a courtesy to my readers, I will walk you through the lyrics of the song in order to show you just how truly messed up the story really is. (The lyrics are in bold and my comments are in italics). 

It was a rainy night when he came into sight
Standing by the road, no umbrella, no coat
So I pulled up along side and I offered him a ride
A woman, apparently cruising for loose men, happened upon a woefully under-dressed stranger getting rained on. Seeming to take pity on him, she creeps to a stop and volunteers to drive him. But what are her true motives? (foreshadowing)
He accepted with a smile so we drove for a while
Possibly lacking verbal skills, the man proves he knows as little about the dangers of accepting rides from strangers as he does about dressing for inclement weather by accepting the narrator's proposition with a smile. The two drive aimlessly for reasons unknown. 
I didn't ask him his name, this lonely boy in the rain
Preferring to think of her passenger as possibly-under-aged and wet, she declines to ask his name.
Fate tell me it's right, is this love at first sight
Wait, what? The aimless, silent driving has apparently created quite a spark between the two. She asks fate (which does not make any sense when you think about it) if the two of them are now in love. It is unknown what, if anything, fate answers.
Please don't make it wrong, just stay for the night
This does not make any sense at all, but it is clear she wants him to spend the night.
All I want to do is make love to you
Say you will you want me too
All I want to do is make love to you
I've got lovin' arms to hold on to
In the hopes that he will accept, the narrator proposes that they have sex. As part of her selling of the idea, she emphasizes her arms and that them having sex is her singular focus.
So we found this hotel, it was a place I knew well
For some reason they have to locate a hotel that she knows the exact location of. She has spent a lot of time there. This is something of a plot-hole, which will be explained later.

We made magic that night. Oh, he did everything right
He brought the woman out of me, so many times, easily
Apparently the hapless nitwit is a very capable lover.
And in the morning when he woke all I left him was a note
I told him I am the flower you are the seed
We walked in the garden we planted a tree
She slipped out before he awoke and she left him a note with an extremly confusing analogy. 
Don't try to find me, please don't you dare
Just live in my memory, you'll always be there
She asks him not to try and locate her, but demands that he stay in her memory. Both requests are odd. If he wants to find her, it will not be hard, considering that she frequents the hotel they just spent the night in. And the second line sounds like something from Inception.
All I want to do is make love to you
One night of love was all we knew
All want to do is make love to you
I've got lovin' arms to hold on to
Oh, oooh, we made love
Love like strangers
All night long
We made love
The primary theme is really driven home.
Then it happened one day, we came round the same way
You can imagine his surprise when he saw his own eyes
They run into one another and she has birthed his child. He is shocked.
I said please, please understand
I'm in love with another man
And what he couldn't give me
was the one little thing that you can
She makes one perfectly reasonable request: that he accept that she sought him out, used him for his sperm, had his child without telling him or ever intending to tell him, and that she was in love with an impotent man, and not him, the entire time.
STILL UNANSWERED: So if she was in a relationship the whole time, why did she know the hotel so well? Did she repeat this same scenario over and over until pregnant? And if so, why did she think her and the lonely boy in the rain were fated to be with one another? 
All I want to do is make love to you
One night of love was all we knew
All I want to do is make love to you
Come on, say you will, you want me too
All I want to do is make love to you
One night of love was all we knew
All I want to do is make love to you
Say you will, you want me too
All night long...
More of this... 

28 comments:

  1. I call B.S. I've been walking around in the rain randomly for years and never have hot rich chicks stopping for no strings sex? I'm gonna give it one more decade, then I'm done.

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    Replies
    1. Chin up buttercup.. I'm sure your mystery heiress is out there driving back and forth in the rain

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  2. Yeah, I mean come one, you have to admit that every time it starts drizzling while you're walking around that you pop a small chubby.... just KNOWING what COULD happen!

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  3. How dare you!!! My mate doofy from Epping loves this song. He says this is the best song ever.

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    Replies
    1. Who is doofy? What does he know about music?

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    2. Don't diss doofy homie - he practically wrote the chorus

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    3. Doofy loves to plough the man

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  4. Your mate doofy must be the homeless guy in the song

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  5. Doofy loves Yolambi

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  6. Please, please, understand...... Doofy is in love with another man

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  7. Damn right she is god dammit

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  8. This is very confusing

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  9. Eric Proctor, was the hotel Mahoneys Inn.... I will wait there one day in the rain. Thanks, Doofy

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  10. I'm with doofy on this one. This is one of my favorite songs of all time. Long live the queen

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  11. Sorry Doof, Im in love with another man

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  12. I'm waiting for you doofy, bring the condoms

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  13. Ejjj doofy are you ploughing yolambididdy. You horny dog

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  14. Whilst your comments are appreciated, we do not need to know about Doofys personal life. Thanks

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  16. Schemo,schemo,schemo. Grow up. You're all a bunch of corks

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  17. I would suggest psychoanalysis to work out why you are so hurt by such a simple song.. she found a working use for all the stuff you guys blow into blankets..

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