Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Proctor's Type Guide to the Holidays: Do Not Fear Being the Chip Guy (or Girl)

The potluck time of the year is upon us.  The holidays begin and everyone wants to get together to gorge themselves.  As we all know, the potluck involves everyone bringing a certain food item to share, some are a free-for-all, while others involve the infamous sign-up sheet.  Today I would like to give all of my readers the first tip of the inaugural "Proctor's Type Guide to the Holidays":  do not be afraid to bring chips to the potluck.  Some people feel like they need to slave over a hot stove for hours preparing their "famous" something or other.  Do not be that person.  Bring some chips.

The truth is chips are fucking awesome.  Everyone loves chips.  They taste good, are full of nutritious oils, and can function as a side or appetizer.  Sure, you may look like you did not put in as much effort as others who "whipped something up from scratch", but the end result will be just as on point, maybe even more so.  You can get multiple bags of chips, in a variety of flavors, all the while keeping the tab under $10 and freeing up time and funds for more important endeavors (pre-gaming the potluck).  

I recently was presented with a sign-up sheet for a pot-luck at school, and to make matters worse it was in the form of a Google doc.  Needless to say, the hosts of this potluck were not messing around.  I needed to sign up for something quickly and not have it be a repeat of something someone has already signed up for.  DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU SIGN UP TO BRING SOMETHING TO A POTLUCK THAT SOMEONE HAS ALREADY SIGNED UP FOR?!?  Thankfully, this has never happened in the history of potlucks.  However, every potluck ends up with a 10-1 brownie ratio per attendee.  It is one of life's great mysteries.

Anyway, it was crunch time and I needed to sign-up for something.  But when will I have time to cook between school and a baby?  Can I sign up for something in the hopes Laura will make it even though she is just as busy?  I was stuck.  That is when I manned up.  I tabbed over to Excel column B next to my name and started typing, C-H-I-P-S.  I then looked down and saw that the Google doc was locked or something and I was not actually typing anything.  Undeterred, I told one of the hosts "put me down for legit chips", loud enough so that everyone around could hear it.  Of course she was not impressed and put me down for "chips".  COME ON!  I am Eric Proctor!  Like I am going to just roll into the potluck with a bag of Mike Sell's or something.  I said LEGIT chips and that is just what I delivered, check these bad boys out:

That's right, Kettle Cooked.  I certainly was not jacking around.  Three loud, bold flavors with pictures of the ingredients on the bag.  Who is just bringing "chips" now?  Not to mention, the bags were all stamped $3.49 which gave the impression I threw out some serious dough to make this potluck special.  In reality they were each $2.49 on sale, but no need to tell them that.  

Of course things got poppin' at the ol' potluck as soon as everyone was crunching on the no artificial preservatives S & Vs (that is salt and vinegar for you amateurs).  People were slugging soda after the spicy jalapeno hit their lips, and last but not least everyone learned quickly not to ask for "barbecue" chips.  That's MESQUITE BBQ bruh, show some respect.

Want a similar success story?  Be bold.  Sign up to bring chips to the potluck.  


  1. Your oven looks fuckin old ! Sears Outlet got brand new ones !!!

  2. Haha "nutritious oils" - this blog is just as legit as the chips