Gift Ideas: Holidays 2014

Do you have someone that is impossible to buy for?  Are you a participant in some form of gift exchange (draw names, white elephant etc)?  If so, you are running out of time.  Fortunately, we are here to help you out with a few last-minute ideas:

1)  Lottery Tickets, Cost: $1 and up.

      

        If you want to almost assuredly anger the recipient of your gift you can give them lottery tickets in lieu of the money you spent to buy the lottery tickets.  Four things are almost certain to happen: 1) money will be lost 2) there will be about 3-4 minutes of mild pleasure while the recipient scratches off the boxes 3) whomever provides the coin to "scratch" the ticket will have an unsubstantiated feeling of self worth and 4) someone will proclaim "you won!" on a ticket in which the payoff is equal to the cost.

2)  A Restaurant Gift Card for the perfect amount to not be enough for two trips but too much for one trip, Cost: (look up the restaurant's most expensive entree, two drinks and a salad up-charge, multiply by two then add about $5).

        In the card: "Well, you can go twice and get a couple sandwiches and waters or go one time and glutton yourself with the 7-layer chocolate cake you did not want"

3)  Leatherman, Cost $20-90. 

        I have given and received many Leatherman multi-tools over the years.  It is a fantastic gift, but I cannot say for certain any of these Leatherman utility tools have ever been used for anything.  I would like to think they have, but the truth is I do not know what half of the shit on there does.   Either way, the recipient feels handy until they leave the tool in their belt pouch and it somehow ends up destroying the washer and they realize they cannot fix a washer with a Leatherman.

Oh good, a serrated blade, now I can (something)

4)  Reserved Burial Plot, Cost: varies upon location.  

        This may seem a tad on the morbid side.  On the other hand, the American Funeral Directors Association says that pre-planning creates peace-of-mind and can save thousands of dollars over time.  This is a touchy one, but would bring some solid laughs to a white elephant exchange.