Sunday, February 15, 2015

Snow Storm RE: How To Survive

They are saying it is going to snow like the Dickens tonight and tomorrow.  Here are 10 survival tips for snow storms:

1.  Have on hand 3 beers for every inch of snow predicted.  If the prediction is a range, use the highest end of the range for your calculation.  For example: a forecast of 6-12 inches= minimum 36 cold ones at the ready.

2.  If the electric goes out do not just assume you should put your beers in the snow.  The temperatures are going to be dropping rapidly and your can/bottle may very well explode.  My recommendation is to have a collapsible cooler inside and fill it with snow and beer in the event of a power outage.

3.  A variety of beer is not ideal.  Sure, you may not know what mood you will be in, but that is all the more reason to just stick with the basics.  Find the staple of your choice and load up.

4.  Have DVD copies of replays of your favorite sporting events ready to roll in the event cable/internet goes out.  Crack a few and pretend like you are watching it the first time.

5.  If you take vital medication, make sure you have some.  Also make sure you have shelter, food, and water.

6.  If you are from Louisville, be prepared to discuss where you were in 1994 and how many days you got off of school/work.  Also, be prepared to feel old because that was 21 years ago.  The winter storm of 1994 is old enough to drink your beer you are stock piling, but do not let it.

7.  If you are transporting your beer and run off the road into a snow embankment, do not hesitate to start pounding the brews.  Then piss on the snow until it melts and you can leave.  Of course, you will be twisted so sleep it off.

8.  If the forecasters are off on the amount of snow be prepared for:
        a.  Social media posts about how terrible meteorologists are.  Quite possibly many of your                   friends will say that if they messed their jobs up that badly they would be fired.
        b.  Various snide items of memorabilia declaring "I survived the winter storm of 2015". Do not           purchase.

9.  If the forecasters are correct about the amount of snow:
        a.  Whiny ramblings about how adults should have snow days too.
        b.  Everyone saying everyone else does not know how to drive in the snow.

10. Do not lock yourself out of the house, especially if you do not have pants on.


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