Saturday, January 16, 2016

OP-ED: U of L Brandeis School of Law: "compassion", "social justice" and..."pizza"?

The law school of which I am a fresh alum recently decided to connote itself as, loosely stated, a "compassionate" law school working towards "social justice".  There is debate about whether this was a good idea and/or necessary and two highly-regarded professors have publicly weighed-in on the issue. (here and here)

I will not be taking sides, at least on Proctor's Type anyway.  Rather, I have an additional proposal for the ideological direction of the  Now I do not quite have the exact phrasing down yet.  "Striving for Pizza" seems to over-state the importance and "a "pizzariffic" law school" sounds like something from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  Semantics aside, the idea is simple: the Brandeis School of Law has pizza readily available EVERY DAMN DAY.  It would be a pizza guarantee and would be formally recognized during orientation in a manner similar to the oath signing ceremony.

Current students and recent alumni would be quick to point out that between the school itself, student groups, and legal research providers, there is already quite a bit of pizza to go around.  A student who was willing to join every student group and take in countless training sessions could easily eat free pizza 3-4 times a week.  But that is not what I would call a "pizza guarantee", not even close.  There needs to be an area of the building where there is conditions-free pizza, a pizza "safe place", so to speak.

Many may worry about the financial implications of providing endless pizza within the law school.  To that, I provide two arguments.  First, our school is frequently tabbed as a "best value" law school, with full time in-state tuition coming in at less than half the cost of many private schools.  If a slight tuition raise were necessary, so be it, we are all too used to customary raises in tuition without any explanation whatsoever.  At least this raise in cost would have significant tangible benefits accompanying it.  Second, enrollment numbers at law schools across the country have decreased significantly and Brandeis is no exception.  Just think how many potential students deciding between two schools would choose the one that always has pizza over the one that does not.  Further, someone deciding whether or not to go to law school at all may be swayed in that direction if they knew the amount of pizza involved.  More students means more tuition dollars plain and simple.

Last but not least, I must emphasize the importance of pizza variety.  Law school is a stressful environment filled with hours of reading and studying.  Papa Johns every day is not going to spice it up enough.  Don't get me wrong, Papa Johns can be a part of the rotation and is very good (side note: I want to thank the angel from heaven who ordered for school events and frequently ordered a green olives one topping.  I often got the majority of that S.O.B to myself), but we need to get creative.  Why not install some ovens and have some Papa Murphy's ready to bake so as to coincide with a particular student's schedule?  Boombozz on Fridays would decrease skipping class for a three day weekend.  Mellow Mushroom on the day of the law school prom (whatever that is called) would add to the glamour of the evening.  The possibilities are endless.

In sum, pizza unifies everyone in a unique and special way.  As the Brandeis School of Law contemplates how to set itself apart in the current realm of legal education, it should seriously consider a pragmatic and non-controversial pizza guarantee.

Eric Proctor is a 2015 graduate of the University of Louisville Brandeis School of Law and a pizza lover.

1 comment:

  1. Just more Neo-Marxist propaganda from the pro-pizza lobby. I think I just may have given myself whiplash from SMDH so hard. Frankly, this entire article is bologna (good pizza topping?). Whose pockets would be emptied so these entitled students could live in this land of infinite pizza? Not mine, I'll tell you that much.

    The author fails to consider the substantial logistical nightmare the ComPizzaniate Law School movement would create: do you like pepperonis? How do you feel about thin-crust? Are you gluten-free? This opens up an entirely new can of worms (def a BAD pizza topping) that no one asked for. Has the author even thought about our children? (probably plain cheese pizza fans... Ewww)

    While the author's intentions may be noble, his ideas for a solution are much like his beloved PJ's pies: half-baked. If you want to live in a mythical Pizza Paradise I suggest you take a look at your old report cards for an idea of where to go: CiCi's