Sunday, January 7, 2018

Count me out: Twenty One Pilots

(disclaimer: "Count me out" is not intended to offend anyone, it is simply a way to proclaim that whatever activity or item being discussed is NOT FOR ME, COUNT ME OUT!)

The other day I was listening to Amazon Music's "Top Alternative" station and thoroughly enjoying the endless flow of Imagine Dragons, The Lumineers, and that one song by The Strumbellas. All of the sudden I heard what sounded like a shitty Linkin Park moaning and softly rapping about missing their childhood. It wasn't thirty seconds before I was thumbs-downing, COUNT ME OUT.

What was this garbage? Well, it turns out if you combine the absolute worst aspects of Limp Bizkit, The Chemical Brothers and Dashboard Confessional you get Twenty One Pilots. The lyrics are sappy, juvenile, and contrived. The "beats" are so soft they could revolutionize the toilet paper industry. And don't even get me started on the unwarranted whining. Seriously, check out these lyrics from one of their hit songs:

Sometimes a certain smell will take me back to when I was young
How come I'm never able to identify where it's coming from
I'd make a candle out of it if I ever found it
Try to sell it, never sell out of it, I'd probably only sell one

It'd be to my brother, 'cause we have the same nose
Same clothes homegrown a stone's throw from a creek we used to roam
But it would remind us of when nothing really mattered
Out of student loans and tree-house homes we all would take the latter

That smell is shit and I get a huge whiff every time you invade the Top Alternative station. Here is one more set of lyrics if you aren't convinced:

Dump it in
Smash it down
Drive around the Trashy Town
Is the trash truck full yet?

Ok, so that is not really a Twenty One Pilots song. It is from one of Guy's favorite books "Trashy Town", but you get the point.

Now do not get me wrong, these guys are very popular. They have number one records and play large venues. But do I want a ticket to their next show? NO, NOT FOR ME, COUNT ME OUT! 

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