Wednesday, January 13, 2021
Tuesday, December 22, 2020
Hello everyone. One person has asked for my NBA predictions and that is all I need. The haters will have this blog memorialized to throw in my face later and I get to bloviate about the League; either a win-win or just a huge overall loss for content in general, depending on how you look at it.
A few assumptions:
1) Health assumed for all players not currently injured, including KD and Kyrie.
2) Covid-19 cancellations/ re-scheduling is not accounted for, 72 games played is assumed for all teams.
3) The 8 seeds from each conference are the final 8 seeds, in that the 7 and 8 seed have advanced from their respective play-in tournaments.
4) Harden is on the Rockets. Rare is an MVP-caliber player available in this manner. I will follow up when/if he is traded.
ROOKIE OF THE YEAR: LaMelo Ball
I think LaMelo is the best player currently of the rookies and also has the most upside. I also think he will be the League Pass MVP with nightly displays of his already elite-level passing.
|Photo from The Charlotte Observer
ALL NBA 3rd Team: James Harden, Jamal Murray, Paul George, Pascal Siakim, Rudy Gobert
Wherever Harden plays, he is going to be at an All NBA level. Murray carries over his insane bubble scoring. A little bit of a bounce back for PG, who is on record saying how the Bubble negatively affected his mental health. Siakim and Gobert continue their All NBA level from last year.
ALL NBA 2nd Team: Steph Curry, Damian Lillard, Jayson Tatum, Kawhi Leonard, Bam Adebayo
Steph reminds the world of his greatness. Dame is more of the same. Same for Kawhi. Tatum bumps up a team level as he grows (literally and figuratively) into a consistent top-ten player. And Bam's trajectory is similar to Giannis'.
ALL NBA 1st Team: Luka Doncic, LeBron James, Kevin Durant, Anthony Davis, Giannis
This is the same as last year, with the exception of a recovered KD returning to his rightful spot.
|Photo from the New York Times
Hardest Omissions: Ja Morant, Nikola Jokic, Donovan Mitchell, Jimmy Butler, Joel Embiid, Ben Simmons, Russ Westbrook, Chris Paul, Domantas Sabonis, Zion Williamson
Most Improved Player: Michael Porter Jr.
Healthy and still only 22 years old, I love this guy's offensive game and with his size, the D could make a leap for a Nuggets team that is desperate for D.
Comeback Player of the Year: Kevin Durant
MVP: Anthony Davis
I think and hope LeBron takes some maintenance. AD keeps the dominant Lakers rolling.
Coach of the Year: Nick Nurse
Eastern Conference Playoffs:
1. Milwaukee Bucks
Dominant regular seasons continue with Giannis locked up. Got better with Jrue.
2. Brooklyn Nets
There is a ton of depth behind KD and Kyrie.
3. Miami Heat
The Bubble was not a fluke.
4. Toronto Raptors
Never gets "culture" credit that other teams do and they should.
5. Boston Celtics
Kemba health is a huge question mark, but even if he is not there, Tatum, Brown and Smart can carry this team.
6. Philadelphia 76ers
I want them to trade Simmons for Harden, but for now, here we go running it back again.
7. Indiana Pacers
Very talented and were without Sabonis in the Bubble, I think I am playing it safe with them at 7.
|Photo from CBS Sports
8. Washington Wizards
Give me the team with Russ and Beal over the Hawks, Magic, etc.
Bucks over Wizards 4-0
Nets over Pacers 4-2
Heat over Sixers 4-2
Celtics over Raptors 4-3
-Mostly chalk here
Bucks over Celtics 4-2
Nets over Heat 4-3
-I can see any of these series easily going the other way
Bucks over Nets 4-2
-Giannis is headed to the Finals by playing more minutes and better contributions from his teammates
Western Conference Playoffs:
1. LA Lakers
The only question is whether they coast and rest or they gun for the one seed, which they can get if they want it
2. LA Clippers
Embarrassed from the last time we saw them play, The Clippers remind us why they were many people's picks to win it all last year
|Photo from LA Times
3. Utah Jazz
With cornerstones Mitchell and Gobert locked-up, they get a healthy Bojan for a team that was a Conley in-and-out three from beating the Nuggets in the Bubble.
4. Phoenix Suns
The darlings up the Bubble, the young Suns got the veteran leadership they need to take the next step
5. Golden State Warriors
Curry is back. Losing Klay obviously hurts, but if Curry is the all-time player we believe him to be, he can get this team to the playoffs. Oubre is a sneaky-good addition.
6. Denver Nuggets
The offense is going to be fantastic, but at some point they have to play D which will be tough with their best defender inexplicably heading to *checks notes* the Detroit Pistons
7. Dallas Mavericks
Remember I am only assuming health for currently healthy players, which Kristaps is not. Luka is all-world but the west is too stacked to not have a reliable number 2.
8. Houston Rockets
Even an out-of-shape, uninterested Harden gets you to the playoffs. What if Wall and Boogie stay healthy? Biggest question mark team.
|Photo from Bleacher Report
*Disclaimer: I tried my best to get the Grizzlies in, but just could not make it work, hopefully I am wrong.
*Disclaimer 2: I had the Blazers at 5 them completely removed them and swapped in the Warriors. There are only 8 teams, a team has to under-perform, maybe it will be the Blazers. Then again maybe they make the WCF again and the haters can have a field day with this.
Lakers over Rockets 4-1
Clippers over Mavs 4-3
Jazz over Nuggets 4-2
Warriors over Suns 4-3
Can I imagine the Mavs with a healthy Kristaps beating the Clippers, yes, but I could not pull the trigger.
Lakers over Warriors 4-1
Clippers over Jazz 4-3
The Lakers coast. Clippers-Jazz is a coin flip, but I am envisioning Raptors Kawhi.
Lakers over Clippers 4-3
My hot take pick is the Clippers winning the West, but I am making my most-likely predictions. We get the WCF we craved last year and the teams save on travel costs.
THE NBA FINALS:
Lakers over Bucks 4-2
To win it all in the NBA, you have to get hurt first, usually many times. This one hurts for Giannis.
|Photo from ESPN
NBA Finals MVP: LeBron James
Saturday, March 21, 2020
Friday, February 15, 2019
Wednesday, November 7, 2018
This situation was ideal for a couple bros seeking copious amounts of Keystone Light and companionship. Drinking at a Party Zone was cheaper than going out, safer than going out, and in many ways, tighter than going out. After a few years we had some kids in the Party Zones (us and our wives, not together), and we could rip and roar after the children nodded off while still being attentive fathers.
Unfortunately, a couple years ago we each moved to different neighborhoods, far away from one another. The convenience of a short walk to annihilate some crispy cold ones together is gone and we do not see each other nearly as often. I miss it. The time has come for a new pounding partner and I have the perfect place.
CHECK THIS OUT: BEAUTIFUL HOME THREE DOORS DOWN FROM ME
That is right, currently on the market is the perfect home for my future pounding partner to uproot their family and move into as soon is possible. It has some bedrooms, some bathrooms, hardwood or carpet or something on the floors, and a back yard that is ideal to tear into a 30 rack with yours truly. I do not have a long checklist or criteria. We can disagree on sports or politics. We do not need the same family size or structure. My future pounding partner doesn't need to be interesting, smart, or attractive. They simply need to be down to fuck up cold ones with a similarly thirsty suburban dad a few doors down. So, future pounding partner, head to the bank to get pre-approved and as long as you love cold ones and proximity, consider yourself pre-approved on this end.
Saturday, September 8, 2018
Needless to say, the Speedway trip was going swimmingly until I was advised by a small sign in the cooler that I could purchase a second Gatorade Zero Lemon Lime for a dollar (“buy 1 get 1 4 $1” or some shit like that). Now I had a decision to make, I only wanted one Gatorade Zero Lemon Lime, but considering just one costs $2.49, adding a second to replenish and hydrate me in the future for a single dollar seemed too good of a bargain to pass up. After being trapped behind a “regular” chatting it up with the Speedway Clerk for what seemed like two hours, I finally made my purchase and proceeded to work.
Once at work, I stowed the additional Gatorade Zero Lemon Lime away in a place to keep it cool for refreshment the next day. I headed to court and worked my cases, intermittently taking huge swigs of my Gatorade Zero Lemon Lime. At one point, I realized I no longer had the bottle with me. Had I finished it and discarded the bottle without thinking or had I left it somewhere? After interrogating my colleagues, I quickly realized that that Gatorade Zero Lemon Lime was not going to be recovered. “Oh well”, I thought, “at least I have refreshment waiting for me tomorrow morning in the form of the additional Gatorade Zero Lemon Lime that I purchased for one dollar”.
The next day, yesterday, I exhausted myself early in the morning. The rest of the morning was a blur as I contemplated the refreshment and replenishment awaiting me in the refrigerator at work. The family all got ready, I dropped the kids off, and “floored it” to get to work/hydration as quickly as possible. I finally arrived at work, scanned my security card, muttered something to a coworker, and raced towards the refrigerator, ready for electrolytes.
(This is where the story takes a dark turn, reader discretion advised.)
I was exhausted, but running on adrenaline. I pulled the refrigerator door open with gusto, but my excitement quickly turned to despair, the additional Gatorade Zero Lemon Lime that I had purchased for one dollar the day before was nowhere to be found. Had someone taken it? Had I drank it and not remembered? Was the additional Gatorade Zero Lemon Lime that I purchased for one dollar the day before an illusion resulting from dehydration? (This happens to people stranded in the dessert all the time).
At this point I was nearly sobbing, but couldn’t produce tears due to dehydration. On a whim, I opened the freezer portion of the work refrigerator and there it was: a rock solid, frozen form of the additional Gatorade Zero Lemon Lime that I had purchased for one dollar the day before. My dumbass had put it in the freezer instead of the refrigerator like a fucking idiot! I spent the rest of the day sipping what little melt the heat could produce of the additional Gatorade Zero Lemon Lime that I had purchased for one dollar the day before. The day culminated with me leaving approximately 10 ounces of bottled refreshment undrank and frozen on my desk. Before leaving for the weekend, I stared at that frozen blob and wondered: “what is this world?”, “what is my role in it”, “and why am I so fucking thirsty?”
Friday, March 16, 2018
With my family headed to Ireland, I will not be attending this dinner, rather, I will be eating “fish and chips” every damn day for the next two weeks.
Thursday, March 15, 2018
"Hang on family, we can't go to this old castle because I need to find a Starbucks so that I can come up with a five sentence story or lash out at the haters." Or even better (worse), "I would like to experience the cliffs, but the supporters are awaiting the continuation of the 15 best Killers' songs/ badass pictures of Gorillas." (seriously, what the hell was I thinking with that). Not happening.
All in all, I feel like this has been a successful run, with some results more successful than others. Here is a ranking of your all's favorite types of content, based on stats:
1. Crosby blogs
2. Guy blogs
3. Count Me Out
4. Comments from the haters
5. Lashing out at the NCAA
6. Lashing out at the haters
7. Five Sentence Stories
999. count down of the 15 best Killers' songs/ badass pictures of gorillas
1,000,000. Smoothie recipes
For the supporters, I will try and get some content up while in Ireland, but it is more likely to be on Instagram. And do not fret, there will be more content on this site soon. I can't leave the haters starving.
Wednesday, March 14, 2018
Tuesday, March 13, 2018
"This smoothie has almost 700 calories in it. Thanks for nothing."
"Where is the spinach, asshole?"
"Can we please get Crosby's smoothie recipe?"
"Count me out: this horrible smoothie recipe"
"I can tell by just reading this that the consistency is off. Go to hell."
"Can I recommend an addition to this recipe for your next smoothie? Arsenic."
"I know a Nigerian Prince who will publish your smoothie recipe book, please send me life savings."
"Five Sentence Story: I read the smoothie recipe post. I unfollowed @Proctorstype on Twitter. I unfollowed Proctorstype on Instagram. I de-friended Eric on Facebook. I permanently blocked Proctorstype.com on my browser. I wish him nothing but the worst."