Monday, August 17, 2015

Fellow Tiger fans, let's pick a new guy

Yesterday, while Jason Day was breaking records in the last golf major of the year, I was watching the Tiger's bullpen blow yet another game and a couple episodes of the X Files.  Why?   Because I do not have anyone to cheer for because I am clinging onto Tiger like an obsessed ex-lover who just cannot let go.  (It should be noted that, unlike many, I am not actually an ex-lover of Tiger).  The truth is he just does not have it going right now and it is time to cheer for someone new.  I used to pretend to be some kind of a purist who would watch golf without Tiger contending.  I was lying to myself and everyone else.  It is time to pick a new stud (that's one way to phrase that -Editor) and I would like to walk you all through my thought process.

First and foremost, I am going to narrow down the list to 5 guys.  These guys are all young and most have won majors.  I do not want to pick someone older, just to have to turn around and pick someone else in a few years.  I also do not want to pick someone who sucks (as compared to the other pros, I understand all PGA tour players are excellent at golf).

Candidate #1: Dustin Johnson
Photo courtesy of CNN and a non-major tournament
I like that he rockets to the top of the leader board, but I am not a huge fan of him never actually winning.  I also do not like or use cocaine, which could be a good or a bad thing considering he has cleaned himself up.  In the end, I am not as big of a fan of "comeback stories" as others are, especially when the comeback is from a series of completely self-imposed problems.

Verdict: Not my guy

Candidate #2: Jordan Spieth
First down!
This would be the obvious choice of a bandwagon to jump on.  He is fantastic.  And going with the front runner certainly is not the worst thing in the world.  He won the first two majors this year and was right there for the other two.  But he has one major downfall that may not be his fault at all.  It is the way people talk about him.  I cannot tell you how often I hear from golf commentators that he "looks like you want him to look", "does things the right way", and "respects the game".  What a crock of shit.  If this is what everyone "wants" then why does everyone love Tiger so much?  There is a small sect of golf fans who are glad this type of guy has supplanted Tiger, but that group is not nearly as large as they think they are.  Great player, good guy, but a tad too vanilla for me.

Verdict: Not my guy

Candidate #3: Rickie Fowler
One advantage Rickie has is he is the easiest player to spot if watching from 10,000 feet above the course.
There is nothing wrong with flamboyant, garish clothing and he gets paid a ton to wear it.  I just cannot keep up style-wise.

Verdict: Not my guy.

Candidate #4: Jason Day
Photo courtesy of BBC
The headline accompanying the above photo is "Jason Day: From Drunk 12-Year-Old To US PGA Champion".  Obviously, this boosts his case and he certainly has an advantage in our "prisoner of the moment" society.  He is Australian, which I am of mixed opinion.  Seems cool, cries a lot.

Verdict: Finalist

Candidate #5: Rory McIlroy
Curly hair is a major plus.
Depending on the font, his last name can look really cool when typed.  He is Irish, which I like.  But his best quality?  He is probably the best golfer in the world but ended 2015 with 0 for 3 in majors in which he played.  He also missed the British Open due to injury.  This means I am "buying low".  So when he wins a couple majors next year, I can be really proud of myself.  I just googled who his Premier League club is and am going to erase that from my mind.

Verdict: Winner

So Rory is my guy, but it should be noted that if Tiger even sniffs a major, I am dropping Rory faster than he dropped/was dropped by that tennis player.

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