Thursday, January 19, 2012

And on the 4th Day...

Proctor's World
Speaking of exercise, I was .4 lbs up at my Weight Watchers weigh in.  I am not going to fret because I stayed within my points, weighed in at 6 p.m. as opposed to the normal 10 a.m. and I was fresh off a vacation weekend.  This is a marathon, not a sprint.

Last note about me:  I am retiring my original @proc5000 twitter account today.  I am sure many of you will miss my live tweeting of saved by the bell re-runs, saying which #pacers and #cardinals are #wet, and #tebowner updates.  We will always have those memories.  Please follow @proctorstype, my blog/twitter thing.

Our World
I bought Laura a Pandora bracelet as a gift for our wedding.  She has a dog charm, a cat charm, a pumpkin representing our wedding and a decorative wooden charm.   She loves it.  Mission accomplished, that should be the end of it right?  Then why am I so jealous?  

Why do women get to wear jewelry with a bunch of cool shit on it?  Men should be afforded the same opportunities, that is why I propose Mandora.  Mandora will revolutionize the charm bracelet business by appealing to the other half of the population.  Obviously Mandora is going to be more than men wearing Pandora bracelets. 

Mandora will be designed by men for men.  Bracelet options include barb wire, figaro and electrical wire.  You can purchase charms with your favorite sports teams, power tools or muscle cars.  Recently lost your virginity?  Grab the x-rated "became a man" charm!  Have you recently been arrested?  You can choose from the handcuff charm or the brand new "get out of jail free" charm (if acquitted).  You can save money on charms by purchasing the beer bottle cap Mandora puncher!  Simply take the cap off of a beer, drink it, then punch a hole in the top that will fit perfectly on your Mandora bracelet.  Many men purchase numbered charms representing their max bench press, beers drank record or horsepower in the Camaro.  

So stop staring at your wife's Pandora bracelet and wishing you were her.  Get a Mandora today!  Also be on the lookout for the Emo Mandora line featuring the broken heart, "it's ok to cry" and "I hate my life" charms.

Weekly readers may have noticed that two weeks ago I made my playoff NFL picks and last week did not.  Oops.  Lets just pretend I picked them all correctly.  This week I will take my Patriots (there's no such thing as jinxing, there's no such thing as jinxing...) 31-17 over the Baltimore Ravens and the Giants over the 49ers 28-24.
Victor Martinez tearing his ACL was not something I was expecting to start what looks to a be a promising Tigers spring training/season.  I would not mind bringing Soriano over to add some power to the 5 hole as long as the Cubs eat most of that huge contract.  He is nowhere near V Mart's average or OBP but hits many more HRs.  I can remember many instances where Miguel gets on and singles/doubles not getting him in, maybe Soriano can blow a few out to add much needed runs.
Remember at the beginning of the season when arguments were being made that this may be the season Kevin Durant surpasses LeBron James as the best player in the world?  Well here comes the aging Kobe with a huge "REMEMBER ME?".  Kobe has put the Lake Show on his shoulders and has them in a position to do damage in the west.  I will still give LeBron the number one spot but I am not ready to definitively give anyone other than Kobe the number two.  Here is my top 5: 1. LeBron 2. Kobe 3. Dwight Howard 4. Durant 5. D Wade

Tool of the Week
Lake Effect Snow
If you are like me you probably thought "Lake Effect Snow" was some bullshit the Weather Channel made up a few years ago to boost their ratings.  We would see some snow on the ground, tap our buddy on the shoulder and say something like "oohhhh I bet that is lake effect snow...wowwww, looks the same to me".  It's all white, it's all wet, it's all cold...what is the damn difference?

Well, it turns out Lake Effect snow is a real thing.  I have seen it and it is a motherfucker.  When winds whip over larger bodies of water from the east, the moon is in its winter solstice and cold fronts meet north of the equator a lake effect is taking place!  This makes it snow hard as hell and could really put a damper on an otherwise normal day.  Lake Effect snow can be dangerous, so please be careful and open-minded.  I know there will still be many of you who do not believe, but please at least be open to the possibility. 

Beer of the Week
Miller Lite

I am sure I am going to get some hate mail for this one.  I will go ahead and give you examples:
"Drink a real beer Pussy!"

"Way to contribute to the problem asshole!  Drink local!"

"It looks the same going in as it does coming out...yellow and fizzy!"

All of the above are good points and noted, but sometimes I really want Miller Lite.  Miller Lite is the perfect beer to drink on a Sunday afternoon if you spent the previous Saturday night downing heavier brews.  Miller Lite is 100x better than Bud Light, whatever that is worth.  It should also be known that Miller Lite is the perfect hangover cure, simply drink three 16 oz. Miller Lite aluminum bottles first thing in the morning after a long night.  You will be partying again in no time.  


  1. I <3 Mandora.

  2. Not only educational but enjoyable! Nicely done, Eric.

  3. I have never heard of that snow phenomenon, although I agree that Miller Lite is the best of the "Domestic" beers. I'm also very jealous of the Dino hat.


  4. Thanks guys for the comment! I appreciate it FTW