The mere fact that PG24 did this to the obnoxious punk ass Birdman warrants his being on this list. Additionally, Paul George is LeBron James Lite and he was named that NBA's most improved player in 2013. Like the King (spoiler alert: LeBron will be featured in this series), Paul George contributes across the board and is a fantastic perimeter defender. From ESPN.com, check out PG's across the boards improvements in his first 3 years.
You think your beer is cold? FUCK YOU! It is not nearly as cold as a COORS LIGHT! Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Got a high fever? Air Conditioning out? Just pound a few Coors Lights and you will be shivering in no time. In all honesty, I do not quite understand the cold obsession. In fact, I have heard that the colder something is, the less terrible it tastes. I think that is why liquid antibiotics are refrigerated (maybe?).
Whatever the case, the coldness is not the reason for Coors Light making this list. Coors Light checks in on the list because it was an integral part of one of my fondest memories of being a young man. My buddies and I were tailgating a Cardinals game during the John L. Smith era about 9 am. I was gulping down some Coors Light, crushing the cans and throwing them on the ground, one after another. Some would say I was putting on quite a show. It was right around time to walk in when a buddy of mine said "wow, you're really tearing through those Coors Lights". Compliments do not get better than that.
The talking heads have exploded with wide-ranging opinions as to Dwight Howard's worth after his recent "decision" to join the Houston Rockets. Some say Dwight Howard is a top 5 player while others say he is not "worth it", whatever that means. Like every other jackass who watches too much NBA and listens to too many commentators wildly speculate about the League, I feel the need to make the "correct" top ten NBA player list, but with a twist...
Earlier this week,a brilliant Deadspin writer, Will Gordon, ranked 36 "Cheap American Beers", and although I disagree with his assessment, the idea was genius. Like every other bro/student who loves drowning brews, I feel the need to make the "correct" top ten "Cheap American Beers" list. There is a lot riding on the creation of these arbitrary lists and I do not want to know what will happen if both are not released in a timely fashion. Therefore, I am left with one option, make the lists concurrently and countdown one player/domestic a day.
Stephen Curry can flat score the rock. He led the league in 3PM last year by a wide margin and really showed his stuff on a national stage when the Warriors knocked off everyone's darling Nuggets team in the first round of the 2013 playoffs. Additionally, in 2009 I said he should be the number one pick in the draft and I want to pat myself on the back a little for that bold prediction.
One time I was out hackin' it around on Long Run golf course. It was about 95 degrees outside and cold ones were without a doubt in order. That day I learned a golf tip I will never forget. If you buy 6 cans of brew at the clubhouse they give you a collapsible cooler full of ice to put them in. And what does that mean? That means you load that bad boy up with gas station purchased brew on the cheap. It just so happens that on this glorious day my golf mates had purchased a substantial amount of Rocks. I spent that day slicin' drives, pounding Rocks and sweatin' like a mug. Quality memories of Rolling Rocks for sure, plus in the Deer Hunter there is a scene where Robert De Niro is trying to convince a love interest to have a Rolling Rock. The combination of a round shooting about 120 with cinematic history make Rolling Rock a legitimate choice to begin our top ten countdown.
Word on the proverbial street is that Laura and I are having a baby. Well, like "most word on the street"s, that is 100% accurate. Many of our friends and relatives are already well aware of this because Laura is currently 21.5 weeks along. Our family is fairly "jacked" about the whole ordeal, as are we. One observations of note is that when people find out there is a baby on the way a flood of questions follow. In an effort to get these pressing questions answered for everyone, I have decided to dust off the ol' blog and provide a sample Q and A regarding the baby...
1. Who are the parents?
Just Kidding.
It's me and Laura!
2. Are you having a boy or a girl?
We have no idea, nor are we going to know until the "baby enters light". Even if we wanted to know, the Doctor we are working with said determining a baby's gender prior to its birth is impossible.
3. Do you have a boy's name?
Yes. A boy will be Miles Atticus Proctor (Monogram: MAP). I have had this boy's name selected for at least 10 years. Laura is on board too. Choo! Choo! There is a good chance the Miles train is coming down the tracks!
4. But what if he is not good at math?
"Atticus" not "Abacus".
5. Do you have a girl's name?
Kind of. The leader in the clubhouse is Crosby. I like girl's name for girls. Laura likes boy's names for girls. This has created some confusion.
6. I really want to get the baby something. What do you all need the most?
Please forgive And on the 4th Day... formatting errors, it has been awhile. Proctor's World
So a quick, brief synopsis of what is going on with my life. School is going well. The first year major "paper" has been completed for better or for worse, I have made solid friends and I have this summer's work plans figured out. What is an average day like? Well, here is a picture of me vacuuming a bruh's house in between classes:
Also of note, Laura is going to Israel for two weeks in April. She was fortunate enough to receive the funding through a grant type of deal. We should all pray for her and her group's safe travel and enlightenment. We should also pray for me, as I will be bachin' it for a couple of weeks.
But enough good stuff. This is the internet, I should be complaining about mundane, every day problems. MY KEURIG IS MESSED UP! I hit the 8 oz. button and get three, tops. I run the same coffee through again and still do not get a sufficient amount. Here is hoping that it is the reusable cup I am using and not a complete break down. If that were to happen, all this positive could go south really quick.
Our World
What in the hell is wrong with Facebook? You know how people say that drivers completely change their personality when behind the wheel? I am starting to think the same is true for Facebook. Some reasonable, fun and intelligent people have a tendency to become the opposite on Facebook for some reason. There are two prevalent problems in my opinion: the sharing of stupid or offensive political memes and humble bragging. Fix these and Facebook can be enjoyable again.
Ok, so you see a political meme you think is important, true, funny, whatever. You want to share it... STOP. Now I want you to consider that it will most likely offend or upset half of your Facebook friends. We live in a polarized, black and white country. It is unfortunate but true. Still want to share it? STOP. Now I want you to read it and see if it is void of any real details or facts. 99% of these things are made up bullshit that cater to like-minded followers, especially the "stories". Still about to "like"? STOP. Please go to Snopes and see if what you are reading is a complete horse crap urban legend. Still hovering over the share? STOP and ask yourself two more questions. Is this going to make me look like an ass? Am I better than this? Complex political and social issues such as gun control, welfare, taxation, health care and crime cannot be summed up in a snide meme. Now, after this test, if you still want to share, have at it. Also, if you have an original thought, by all means, shoot.
I guess that I should add that if you are my friend on Facebook I have been reporting all of these as spam. On the other hand, a picture of your dog on cat gets an automatic "like". Something to consider.
Second, please stop humble bragging. There is nothing wrong with speaking positive about yourself or your life. Hell, that is half of what Facebook is, letting people know what is going on. But if you feel the need to brag or show off something you are excited about, just do it without a "humble" filter. For example: "I cannot believe I cleaned this big, messy house in 45 minutes" is not needed. Go with "I have a big house and am really efficient at cleaning." or go all the way with "my house is larger and cleaner than your's". Want to show a picture of your new car? Good. But please do not caption it "I have always been so frugal, I cannot believe I just bought a brand new Lexus!". Go with "I used to have to worry about money but now I do not. Look how badass my car is." Finally, and I have done this one, if you run/walk/bike a certain distance and want to post time, distance and route just post it. No "this sucks" or "wish I had went faster" needed. You did the exercise, you earned it (unless you drove around using mapmyrun GPS), if you want to share it, share it.
Tool of the Week
Everyone involved in the of designing the new Jeep Cherokee.
Photo Courtesy of www.themotorreport.com
These may be nice, they look kind of cool, hell maybe I will buy one and post pictures on Facebook (callback). BUT THIS IS NOT A JEEP CHEROKEE. This is a Jeep Cherokee:
Photo courtesy of Curbside Classics
Boxy, 4x4, ground clearance aka the real deal.
Beer of the Week
Shiner 966 Farmhouse Ale
These are delicious. They have enough of the farmhouse bitterness to let you know what you are drinking, but are light enough to be very session-able. I can see myself drinking these in a barn...or at home.
Here in just a few minutes I am going to swing by school to grab some books and gear up for the second semester of law school that starts next week. Blah. BUT after that I am meeting up with Buddy (beer maker who has contributed to Proctor's Type in the past) to collaborate on ArsenAle, a beer named after my adopted English Premier League soccer club of which Buddy is also a fan. We decided to make it an ESB, a very British style I thoroughly enjoy.
Of course we had to know what we were getting into so we tried four different ESBs on New Year's Eve: Fuller's (the best), Red Hook, Schlafly's, and Anderson Valley. From this we decided we needed to really hop it up to get the ESB bitterness but that the majority of the hops need to be added in early to keep the ESB profile. This is about the ending of my understanding of the process. Luckily, Buddy has been making beer for years, including the famed Proctorberfest from out wedding (read more here, here, here, and here). I plan to piggy back his expertise, use his equipment, and hopefully learn a thing or two. Imagine the guy who grabs paint brushes and shit for Picasso. I am excited about chronicling the process and eventually drinking a lot of beer. We purchase today and brew tomorrow. I will keep you posted and in the mean time if anyone is feeling super creative please modify this image to say ArsenAle to where it would look cool on a bottle. If you come up with something good please send the JPG to eric.t.proctor@gmail.com. I will certainly give you a shout out in Proctor's Type, thus launching your graphic design career.
It is currently 8:01 AM EST. I am giving myself one hour to write a hodgepodge blog with no real planning, just an hour to type, link, put up some pictures ..whatever. It may not be organized well, it may not make a lot of sense. Who knows? Here goes...
I had briefly thought about scrapping this blog. I do not write often enough and I honestly do not know how many readers I have. However, I thought better of that and will keep Proctor's Type alive and well. If I ever get to a point where I know I am never going to want to blog again then I will kick Proctor's Type to the curb. This is boring and I am wasting some of my hour blogging about why I decided to blog.
Moving on...
Here's a thought, I do not care if you do not like Christmas. I do. I love Christmas. I had a fantastic time decorating the trees last night with my wife. Christmas, however diluted or commercial it has become, is still a special time for me and my family. On the other hand I also do not care what people call a "Christmas Tree". Call it a "Community Tree" if you want, in a way that seems more "Christmasey" anyway. You want to call it "Holiday shopping", fine, that is what it is. Seriously if your "cause" is "keeping the Christ in Christmas", get a new damn cause or reevaluate what "keeping the Christ in Christmas" really means. Something tells me yelling and screaming about the terms people use when decorating a tree or spending ridiculous amount of money on people who already have what they need to survive is not assuring the world that Christmas is still a celebration of Christ's birth.
Well I just spent 9-10 valuable minutes pissing off some readers. Please keep on reading. Let's move to a topic that is not so divisive Hahaha, Christmas is divisive now. What is wrong with the world? Ok, let me think, something everyone likes...ummm....this is hard...it is also difficult to think of something everyone likes. Major LOL there btw. Everyone likes..dogs! Fantastice, here is a picture of Laura and Carl with a headband on that "makes him look like a Reindeer":
Look at that! How cute!
So are we all back to our good moods now?
Let's talk U of L for a few minutes. Actually, let's talk UK first. I am not going to rip UK here. I have been making a concerted effort for years now to be more reasonable and appreciative of my friends and family who happen to be UK fans. My message to UK fans, who tend to be a tad insecure every now and then.. your basketball team is loaded and you will be fine. Just think how good you will feel when they get a high seed in the tournament and you can have your bravado back. It will happen. Trust me.
Now to all my fellow Cardinal fans: we are in the ACC and are in a BCS bowl. ENJOY IT FOR GOD'S SAKE! I have heard so many fans worried about if Charlie is going to leave or worried that Florida is going to blow us out. Be a fan! Be happy and enjoy what HAS happened as opposed to dreading what MIGHT happen. And if Charlie leaves, let's show some class (we will because Louisville has classy fans) and THANK HIM. Charlie Strong brought us from the darkness to the light. We will get another good coach. Hopefully we will not need to.
I am going to go make another cup of coffee. The Keurig has not been displaying the "add water" button in a timely fashion and this first cup only ended up being a halfer.
Crisis averted. Let's continue. Wow this is already getting long. Also, it looks like I have already typed a lot.
Some of you are fans of the Tool of the Week portion of And on the 4th day... (remember that?!?). Well, how about a tool of the century? None other than the insecure, low-life, over-rated, woman beating, PIECE OF SHIT GARBAGE, DOUCHE BAG that it Chris Brown. Everything about him pisses me off. I hate the idea of defending oneself by saying "stop hating" when someone points out that YOU, by your own volition , did something terrible. The whole "why you worried about what I am doing, worry about yourself" bullshit is ridiculous. I am worried about what you are doing because you beat a woman and seem to think it is OK. I am worried that a bunch of your immature followers say things like "Chris Brown can beat me anytime" and you do not bother to say that abusing women is wrong. Miranda Lambert, Jenny Johnson... whoever, please stay on this guy's case.
Wow, I really do not like Chris Brown in case that was not apparent. A musical artist I do like? THE KILLERS. If you are a casual fan and have not heard Battle Born yet please do. The Killers are back and the album is absolutely spectacular. What rock music is supposed to be. How about I rank all the Killers' Albums with Brandon Flowers solo album thrown in:
1. Sam's Town
2. Battle Born
3. Flamingo
4. Hot Fuss
5. Day & Age
6. Sawdust
Fellow Killers fans..do you agree? Please comment and let me know.
It looks like I have about 13 minutes left. How about I discuss a recent major change in my life? I recently made a new Facebook and deleted my original account. Why, you and so many others are asking? Well, if this does not explain it I do not know what will:
While I am posting videos, how about I post a video I made about making a beverage that is the key to health this winter:
Here is a test to see if my wife actually read this: the frozen strawberries do not work as well as the fresh ones.
If you think that it is only RGIII vs. Luck for the future of the QB position you are not paying attention. Those guys are fantastic but Russell Wilson is right there with them. Back to Back drives against the Bear's defense? I like it.
I am running out of material and time, about to clean up and head to school for a Criminal Law review. You guys keep it real.
One of the more polarizing figures in modern music is Pink. Some view her as just another run-of-the-mill pop music act who is more style than substance. I, on the other hand, believe her to be an uber-talented musician who represents independence and the importance of loving yourself.
I believe even Pink's biggest detractors would concede that she has been outrageously successful commercially. That same group would most likely admit that she has a resonating, powerful voice that cannot be denied. The differences in opinion arise from her music's substance and style, as well as her personal aesthetic and "act", so to speak. Is Pink a phony-tough fake who sings absurd songs about partying and being a bad ass? Or, is she a genuine talent who speaks for those who all-too-often do not speak for themselves? I believe she is the latter.
"Her hair makes her look like a boy!" "What is she wearing?" "I do not think she should be singing about getting drunk and cursing is her music, she is supposed to be a role model for young girls!" Sound familiar? Shouldn't we have our daughters just listen to Taylor Swift (no offense, love her too) sing a song about crying after a boy broke her heart? Women should not tell guys to eff off, right? Let's tone down the noise about actual emotions and focus more on our looks and manners.
Wait a second, public displeasure with Pink sounds a lot like a 1950's black and white short about "how to be a lady". Get the fuck out of here, this is MUSIC we are talking about. All of the anti-establishment ideas we embrace about punk rock are frowned upon when coming from Pink. Rappers routinely rap about partying, going to the club and treating women like shit. Why is that okay for them, but when Pink says go to the club, party and have respect for yourself people lose their mind?
Maybe it is just that we group Pink in with other pop acts who just skim the surface and turn out manufactured "love" songs hit after hit. If that is the case, we need to remove her from that group and recognize her as a rock music artist who has carried "pop punk" for the last decade. Pink goes deeper than standard-issue, modern day "oh, you're sexy, I'm sexy too, let's hook up" bullshit that dominates the pop charts. This mantra does not represent how 99% of music listeners actually live their lives. We are routinely called ugly, fat, and stupid by the world around us. We fall in love with people who do not love us back. We have bad days, we say things we do not mean, and we do things we are not proud of. This is the real world, and Pink's music represents this.
Now, it should be noted than I love a well written song as much as the next guy and the substance of Pink's lyrics have been a frequent subject of scorn from her foes. Yes, "so what?, I'm a rock star, I've got my rock moves and I don't want you tonight" is not going to lead Spin Magazine guy (more about him here) to wax poetic about Pink changing his life. On the other hand, "you're so mean, when you talk, about yourself, you are wrong, change the voices in your head, make them like you instead" has assuredly made a bullied, hurting teenager see themselves in a better light. I believe sometimes it is better to speak simply from the heart than intricately from somewhere else.
In conclusion, I doubt that non-fans who read this are going to run out and buy Pink's catalog. I am not trying to imply that everyone should like Pink's music, only that they reconsider what it is they believe her music stands for. With bullying and self hate becoming a national crisis, it is refreshing to see someone not only denounce the bullies, but tell them to go to hell as well.
See what I did there? It is called a transition. I am now going to make my extremely biased choice for the American League MVP and Cy Young. You guessed it, Miggy should win the MVP (regardless of whether or not he wins the Triple Crown) and Justin Verlander should win the AL Cy Young. I admit that Mike Trout is deserving of the award as well, but I am taking Miguel because WAR is a flawed statistic and should not supplant every other criteria for the award. That would be like saying "instead of counting the entire electoral college for the election, we are just going to go whichever way Oregon goes, that seems like a cool state. People treat WAR as if there was a parallel universe where this "replacement player" was put in every situation and AB that the player being compared to was a part of. IT DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY. If you like newer trendier statistics: Miguel has a better OPS and more Runs Created. Trout steals more bases and plays better defense but he strikes out more and has cooled off down the stretch run. Am I going to never watch baseball again if Trout wins? Of course not. Do I think Miguel deserves consideration for his phenomenal career to this point? No. I think that if you look at this year in its entiety, throw out the sexy story lines and sexy statistics, then you will see that Miguel has been the Most Valuable Player in the MLB this year.
Now I will make my case for Justin Verlander...he has the highest WAR of every AL pitcher. DUH.
My top 10 NFL teams right now regardless of record and not over-reacting to anything:
10. Seattle Seahawks- Defense is awesome, Russ Wilson getting there, best home field advantage in league
9. Cincinnati Bengals- The defense needs to shore up but the offense looks fantastic
8. Chicago Bears- Opposite of Bengals
7. Pittsburgh Steelers- Big Ben playing like an MVP but defense has me SMDH
6. Arizona Cardinals- The Good: Defense top 5 in NFL The Bad: Kevin Kolb starting QB The Ugly: John Skelton may create a QB controversy when he is healthy
5. San Fransisco 49ers- Runs, stops the run, great coach, but just an OK QB (keep in mind, do not over-react, he is still Alex Smith
4. New England Patriots- BIAS ALERT by week 8 Hernandez will be back and defense will be top 10 in NFL, playing so much better. D just has to learn to finish
3. Green Bay Packers- Defense is much improved, something tells me A Rod will be ok
This is probably the 2nd best time of the year for sports (March Madness, Masters, Opening day being #1), baseball pennant chases are heating up, NFL and college football are up and running and my new "thing", the English Premier League, is the perfect Saturday morning warm-up. With this in mind, I figured Proctor's Type will throw out a few "takes" on what is going on around the world. I would like to fire up some civil debate as well as have something permanent that my readers and I can go back to and look how foolish I was.
1) Djokovic > ?
Am I the only one who thought Wimbledon 2012 was Federer's last hurrah, that Nadal would unfortunately succumb to chronic knee injuries and that Djokovic would dominate men's tennis for a long, long time? Enter Andy Murray. I know, Andy Murray is a name that had been hanging around the party but he was stuck in the corner talking to the annoying drunk guy. Well get Andy a martini and open up the VIP room, Novak is there and the party has grown by one. Yesterday on twitter (@proctorstype) I proclaimed that Djokovic was undoubtedly going to come back and win. He did not, and now Andy Murray has a grand slam to go with his gold medal. I still think Djokovic has men's tennis in his grasp but that grip has loosened a tad.
Is there a more ridiculous dichotomy than sports media proclaiming that everyone will over-react to Week One and then the same talking heads insanely over-reacting to Week One in the National Football League? If an alien came to Earth and listened to ESPN radio the past few days, he would learn the following things about the NFL:
The five best Quarterbacks in the NFL are 1. RGIII (alien would assume this is his proper name) 2. Joe Flacco 3. Tony Romo 4. Peyton Manning and 5. Mark Sanchez.
The Saints, Steelers, Packers, Giants and Eagles all suck.
A 49ers v. Ravens Superbowl is a given.
The Jets are actually good and are now the class of the AFC East. (Being a Patriots fan, I love that this is the story)
2/3 of the NFL starting QBs are "elite". Alien would look up definition of elite and not understand this, just like everyone else.
3) Alabama looks unstoppable. They will most likely coast to an undefeated BCS championship. They may be even better than their last few years. Blah, blah, blah. One thing they could not do is BEAT AN NFL team. The Browns would beat them. The Vikings would blow them out. The notion that any NCAA team could beat any professional team (NFL, NBA, MLB, NHL) is ridiculous. Seriously, it is bullshit fodder that is something stupid drunk people rant about that but do not understand. The Bobcats would have beat UK by 20 points last year. If you gave the Astros metal bats they would run rule Arizona. And whoever won the Frozen Four would get their ass kicked by whoever won the Stanley Cup.
I think people do not realize that professional athletes are the best of the best AND they get bigger, faster, stronger and more skilled after they become professionals. Not every player from Alabama signs to play in the NFL. If they were better than the Browns players wouldn't the Browns cut their roster and sign all of the undrafted Alabama players?
Hello team,
Long time no blog. Well, ol' pretty P (me) has been a little busy with starting law school, traveling up to Chippewa country for a rowdy wedding last weekend, and eating a lot of beans. I am going with the dark red kidney beans today FYI. Today I am going to slide right in and bang a quickie out. I am also going to post a short blog with haste. A few memes I made and a thought on the upcoming college football season...
I am renaming "First World Problems" meme "East End Problems" for the purpose of this blog. I heard someone say one time that ranking "worlds" (first world, third world) is not politically correct. And I have always believed why not be politically correct if you can? Here is a East End Problem:
We all love Condescending Wonka...
For those of you who are friends with my cat Bagheera on Facebook you know he is a little emo. So I have made a new meme, meet Emo Bagheera...
And a Bad Luck Brian...
College football is ready to get going and all I can say is I hope you are on the train. I see big things for my Cards this year and hopefully they take care of business against those Cats this Sunday (Funday). I will take my Cardinals 31-17. The best thing about going back to school? Student season tickets...
Photo Courtesy of Louisville Cardinals Facebook Page
I will close with a thought on Penn State. I will be cheering for these guys Saturday at noon for two reasons. First they are playing CMU conference rival Ohio U and I want Ohio to lose. Secondly, and more importantly, I want these guys, who had NOTHING to do with the monster Sandusky, the joke that was Joe Paterno or anyone else involved with the atrocities that took place prior to them getting there, to build something new. If you are a Penn State fan you need to be on board with that. Paterno's time cannot be considered "glory days", those were the dark times. Now is the time for something truly special, put the football in the past, remember the victims and hope that these young hard-working, loyal men will redeem your school.
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