Gym Notes

1)  Someone needs to explain to me the deal with picking the medicine ball up above your head and violently throwing it on the floor.  At some points, it seems like half of the gym is doing it.  I have no doubt it is a beneficial exercise, most of the people doing it are fairly winded.  I just wonder who made it up and how it became so popular so quickly.  

Possibly, somewhere in a Crossfit garage far, far away, an extremely amped bro was letting off some steam and took some aggression out on a medicine ball.  After a few reps, a movement was born.

2)  A tip: when you are trying to get The Cranberries "Zombie" on repeat (in order to get severely jacked), be sure to type more than just "Zo" in the search bar.  Otherwise, this will end up in the mix:

There is nothing wrong with some S & G in chill time, but it will stop a vigorous medicine ball floor pound session right in its tracks.

Special Day At Kroger

I have a new routine going.  I do the grocery shopping on Wednesday mornings.  Today, the fantastic Hubbards Lane Kroger is hosting some type of educational tour for managers of other stores.

Are you serious with this produce?

There are many perks to shopping right now.  A polite man asked me what size cart I want.  Those on the tour are making great effort to get out of my way. But the BEST perk is the vast array of samples.  There are samples everywhere, including Starbucks.  The only downfall is the amount of times I have been asked if I am "finding everything ok", but the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages.  

The store looks great guys!  Keep up the good work.  

Calendar of Events

For many, it has been a rough, long winter.  The impending snow storm here in Louisville is not making it any better.  It is for this reason that I am presenting a list a of upcoming events for everyone to look forward to:

MARK YOUR CALENDARS AND GET JACKED!

1)  March 15th: Selection Sunday

       Find out the path for your favorite college basketball team (or if they have one).  Plus, this means no more in-game Joe Lanardi predictions such as "if x team can hang on to beat y team it will help x team's tournament seeding and hurt Y team's resume".  Even for fans of teams on the outside looking in, this is a fantastic thing.

2)  March 19th-20th: Round 1 of the NCAA tournament (I know this is now technically round 2, but that is absurd and this is an upbeat post)

      I hope I do not have to explain why this is fantastic.  For God's sake, men get vasectomies so they can watch basketball all day and night instead of working.

3)  March 23rd- Oberon Release 

Summer in a bottle

4)  MLB Opening Day AND The NCAA Men's Basketball National Championship Game

       

        Crack a few Oberons and watch baseball all day, yeah that sounds like a hell of a plan.  Then, after you have had enough Oberons to stomach it, watch (in all likelihood) those Wildcats cut down the nets.  At least it will make my family and friends that are UK fans happy...this is what I am telling myself anyway.


5)  April 9-12: The Masters

       Watch as golf's greatest (except maybe Tiger) compete for the year's first major.  There is an added bonus if you are into slow motion zoom-ins on blossoming trees accompanied by pleasant piano music.

They play golf too!

6)  April 30- May 2: The NFL Draft

        This is for all of you "football only" types.  Feel free to "grade"(on the fly) the selections made by professionals with decades of experience who have invested countless hours researching the players.  If DeVante and Teddy are reunited, be prepared for the jacked meter to explode.

7)  May 2: The Kentucky Derby

       *Insert Hunter S. Thompson Quote*

8)  THE GREATEST SUMMER SOUNDTRACK EVER:

Mumford and Sons "Wilder Mind"- May 4th

Brandon Flowers "The Desired Effect- May 18

Florence and The Machine "How Big How Blue How Beautiful"- June 2

Nate Ruess Yet To Be Named Solo Album- TBD Summer 2015

Top 10 Players in the NBA/ Top 10 "Cheap American Beers" (#3)

Catch Up:
 #4-10

#3 Chris Paul & Anthony Davis/ Busch Light

Courtesy of http://cdn.fansided.com

I am sure many (both?) readers who have been following this countdown for over a year are wondering why I keep taking the liberty to list two players in a single position.  Well, my best explanation is that a lot has changed since I started this list and I lost the original piece of paper where I wrote down the top 10.  It may be pathetic, but this is what I am doing.  Not to mention it would be an absolute travesty to not have AD on the list, which he would not have been if I wrote all of this in anything approaching a timely manner.  He is on pace to have one of the great statistical seasons in the history of the NBA.  Chris Paul is still fantastic even though the Clippers are annually the equivalent of losing hot water during a shower.

I know that Anheuser Busch have been some horrible dicks of late to the craft beer community.  But that being said, I love an ice cold Busch light.  The flavor is better than its big brother: the un-ranked Bud Light, and it is less expensive.  I think the world would be a better place if most places you went there were street vendors selling cans of Busch Light for $1.  Street vendor makes a little money on the markup, purchaser gets an ice cold Busch Light for a reasonable price, and of course the can will be recycled.

Condensed weather report

Snowed like a mug & cold af

Snow Storm RE: How To Survive

They are saying it is going to snow like the Dickens tonight and tomorrow.  Here are 10 survival tips for snow storms:

1.  Have on hand 3 beers for every inch of snow predicted.  If the prediction is a range, use the highest end of the range for your calculation.  For example: a forecast of 6-12 inches= minimum 36 cold ones at the ready.

2.  If the electric goes out do not just assume you should put your beers in the snow.  The temperatures are going to be dropping rapidly and your can/bottle may very well explode.  My recommendation is to have a collapsible cooler inside and fill it with snow and beer in the event of a power outage.

3.  A variety of beer is not ideal.  Sure, you may not know what mood you will be in, but that is all the more reason to just stick with the basics.  Find the staple of your choice and load up.

4.  Have DVD copies of replays of your favorite sporting events ready to roll in the event cable/internet goes out.  Crack a few and pretend like you are watching it the first time.

5.  If you take vital medication, make sure you have some.  Also make sure you have shelter, food, and water.

6.  If you are from Louisville, be prepared to discuss where you were in 1994 and how many days you got off of school/work.  Also, be prepared to feel old because that was 21 years ago.  The winter storm of 1994 is old enough to drink your beer you are stock piling, but do not let it.

7.  If you are transporting your beer and run off the road into a snow embankment, do not hesitate to start pounding the brews.  Then piss on the snow until it melts and you can leave.  Of course, you will be twisted so sleep it off.

8.  If the forecasters are off on the amount of snow be prepared for:

        a.  Social media posts about how terrible meteorologists are.  Quite possibly many of your                   friends will say that if they messed their jobs up that badly they would be fired.

        b.  Various snide items of memorabilia declaring "I survived the winter storm of 2015". Do not           purchase.

9.  If the forecasters are correct about the amount of snow:

        a.  Whiny ramblings about how adults should have snow days too.

        b.  Everyone saying everyone else does not know how to drive in the snow.

10. Do not lock yourself out of the house, especially if you do not have pants on.

   

Awesome News: Chris Dominguez signs minor league deal with the Reds

Post by Louisville Bats Baseball Club.

On one hand, I hope Dominguez can make the Reds, on the other I hope we have him here for the Bats.  I swear I saw Dominguez hit a ball about 450 feet out of Jim Patterson Stadium.  If the cheap beer stand had been there at the time, this shot would have cleared it by 10 feet.  So jacked for baseball.

Fries and mayo

After Pulp Fiction came out, variations of the following conversation were had all across the country:

Person 1 (assuming they are the only person in the world who has seen Pulp Foction): Can you believe that in other countries they eat fries with mayonnaise?

Person 2: Ew!  That's gross and fattening! 

"Cultured" Person: Believe it or not, it is actually pretty good!  You should try it, I did!

------------------------------------------------

Were people, especially Americans, really that surprised that French Fries dipped in mayonnaise taste good?  

My Legacy

If I could choose one thing to be known for it would be that I am a guy who always orders an a la carte pancake to accompany a savory breakfast.

Gift Ideas: Holidays 2014

Do you have someone that is impossible to buy for?  Are you a participant in some form of gift exchange (draw names, white elephant etc)?  If so, you are running out of time.  Fortunately, we are here to help you out with a few last-minute ideas:

1)  Lottery Tickets, Cost: $1 and up.

      

        If you want to almost assuredly anger the recipient of your gift you can give them lottery tickets in lieu of the money you spent to buy the lottery tickets.  Four things are almost certain to happen: 1) money will be lost 2) there will be about 3-4 minutes of mild pleasure while the recipient scratches off the boxes 3) whomever provides the coin to "scratch" the ticket will have an unsubstantiated feeling of self worth and 4) someone will proclaim "you won!" on a ticket in which the payoff is equal to the cost.

2)  A Restaurant Gift Card for the perfect amount to not be enough for two trips but too much for one trip, Cost: (look up the restaurant's most expensive entree, two drinks and a salad up-charge, multiply by two then add about $5).

        In the card: "Well, you can go twice and get a couple sandwiches and waters or go one time and glutton yourself with the 7-layer chocolate cake you did not want"

3)  Leatherman, Cost $20-90. 

        I have given and received many Leatherman multi-tools over the years.  It is a fantastic gift, but I cannot say for certain any of these Leatherman utility tools have ever been used for anything.  I would like to think they have, but the truth is I do not know what half of the shit on there does.   Either way, the recipient feels handy until they leave the tool in their belt pouch and it somehow ends up destroying the washer and they realize they cannot fix a washer with a Leatherman.

Oh good, a serrated blade, now I can (something)

4)  Reserved Burial Plot, Cost: varies upon location.  

        This may seem a tad on the morbid side.  On the other hand, the American Funeral Directors Association says that pre-planning creates peace-of-mind and can save thousands of dollars over time.  This is a touchy one, but would bring some solid laughs to a white elephant exchange.