And on the 4th Day...

Proctor's World
Hello World.  It has been nearly two months since my last And on the 4th Day... (more about this later) and a lot has been going on in Proctor's World.  Here are some pictures and context:

Pops and I pre-gaming Springsteen in Detroit

In late April, Laura, my parents and I ran up to Detroit for one of the best days of my life.  It started with a Tiger's victory at Comerica in which we were joined by more family (Andy and Cindy down from Petoskey) and culminated with Springsteen at the Palace of Auburn Hills.  Springsteen put on a hell of a show, we had custom shirts and I made an ass of myself afterwards in what will forever be known in my family as the "close your trunk" incident.  I can now cross seeing Springsteen with my wife and parents off of my bucket list.  

Way to go Sarah, we are proud of you!

We were in Michigan again this past weekend to see some family and celebrate Laura's sister Sarah's law school graduation.  Prior to Sunday's graduation ceremony we spent Saturday hitting up Founder's and New Holland brew pubs with other family (Josh, Megan & Co.).  Sunday we waited patiently and cheered loudly as Sarah crossed the finish line and then went to Gilbert & Blake's for an excellent celebratory dinner.  I had the Lobster Ravioli, highly recommended.

Seeing Sarah as well as friends Roy and Taylor graduate from law school has me excited for my upcoming law school journey.  Congratulations guys and I know you all will kill the bar.  

From biggest to smallest:  Carl, Laura, Bagheera

While all of our comings and goings are fun, it should be noted that we are still having a hoot here in Louisville.

Weight Watchers Update:  I have been maintaining for the most part the past couple of months.  22 LBs down to date.

Our World

With election season heating up we will hear a lot about what is going to change, what is going to stay the same, what our values are and what are values should be.  With this in mind, I have decided to list a few thoughts on what I would like to see come to fruition in terms of legislation in my city, state and country.  Some may seem more important than others and readers may very well disagree with some.  I would appreciate some high-brow feedback in the comments section, either agreeing or disagreeing.

1.  Gay Marriage-  Why is this a debate anymore?  Two consenting adults should be able to get married regardless of their sexuality.  Can we please stop this ridiculous "debate" and allow all Americans this most basic right?  There are real problems in this country and gay marriage is not one of them.  The only problem are these cruel amendments that are stomping on American's rights.  Twenty years from now when we have come to our senses and this is a non-issue we are going to look back and say "what in the hell was that?"

2.  Beer on Sundays-  I want to be at least one beer in by 1 PM kickoff on NFL Sundays.  I do not know why there is a law banning liquor sales until 1 PM on Sundays, but I know I want it repealed.  If it has something to do with church I will happily bring my bulletin to BW3s as some sort of pass to get a damn beer in my hands!

3.  Beer on Election Day- I voted and now I want to start the results party!  Is there really a problem with people getting drunk instead of voting? And if there is, are we really sure these are crucial votes in the election process?  Sell beer on election day!

4.  Golden Parachutes-  Think about your job and what happens if you screw up really bad.  If you are a math teacher and none of your students learn math because you spend the entire class talking about your sex life you would be fired.  Would you be given a large sum of money to leave?  I work at a bank, if someone comes in for a equity loan and I loan them 200k on a property worth 50k I would get fired and maybe sent to jail.  I would not be given my salary for the next three years as some sort of goodbye gift.  I am sick of company's laying off employees to fix the CEO's fuck-up and then turning around and giving said CEO millions to just get the hell out.  I am not sure how to legislate against this but I want it legislated against.

Tool of the Week

Eric Proctor

Birthday 2009, cruise ship, probably my 8th or 9th Caucasian

That is right, your's truly finally takes home the prize.  How does someone take nearly two months off from their supposedly weekly blog?  Especially after the previous And on the 4th Day... said I would be back on schedule?  The truth is I am not sure how often I will be able to blog for awhile.  Proctor's Type is not going away, but I do not want to win this award ever again by guaranteeing posts that may not come.

Beer of the Week

Bell's Oberon

Summer in a bottle.  10/10.  Crisp, refreshing.  I look forward to it every year.  Please do not put an orange in it.  Released annually right around Opening Day.  Summer beer does not get better than this.  $10-$12 for a six pack.

A Call to Action

FBI Ten Most Wanted

Dear Readers,
Above is a link to the FBI's ten most wanted fugitives.  These guys need to be caught, and today I am asking you, a reader of Proctor's Type, to help.  Learn the faces of these low-lifes, read about their crimes and check your social circles to see if you have been unknowingly spending time with a fugitive.  HINT:  they may be using an alias! 

I know Proctor's Type is, for the most part, a light-hearted, entertaining read but today we are going to discuss the scum of the Earth.  This is a list of thieves, murderers and perverts!  Have I ever told you how much I dislike criminals?  And to think these are some of the worst of the worst, still on the run and enjoying their freedom.  HINT #2:  Do not assume they are dead!  Murderers Fisher and Brown are known to have wilderness survival skills.  Pedophile Toth uses "charm" and intellect to enter a vast array of social circles.  Murderer Godwin has escaped from jail twice.  Theives Mogelivich and Gerena could very well be in their native countries (taking a vacation soon?).  Drug dealing murderers Ravelo and Saenz are most likely traveleing between Mexico and the United States southwest.   



This child killer makes me want to puke.  Be on the look out while in honduras.



These dregs of society are all in which leads me to HINT #3:  upon seeing a fugitive please consider them armed and extremely dangerous.  Men with nothing to lose tend to behave wildly, off the cuff so to speak.  Do not become their next victim.  If you suspect you have found a fugitive, please contact your local FBI office or law enforcement agency.  I do not want you to contact me personally until you have contacted the police or FBI.  I do not have the capabilities to apprehend a fugitive.  Please contact me afterward so I can share your success with all of my other readers.  I will dedicate an entire entry to your heroism and diligence.

I do not think one apprehension resulting from a reader sometime in the next three months is too much to ask for. 

Thank You,
Proctor's Type

P.S.  I want to give a special message to the pervert and newest entry to the list:  Eric Toth.  I do not like that we share the same first name and I do not like that you think it is ok to engage in production and distribution of child pornography.  I travel the midwest frequently to visit family and I will have my eyes peeled for you.

You'll be in jail soon!

And on the 4th Day...(européenne nouvelles)

Hello everyone, I am aware this is my first blog entry in a month.  Life became very busy prepping for the honeymoon and very enjoyable while on the honeymoon.  And on the 4th Day... is back and can be expected weekly.  Thank you for reading and as always please "like" my Facebook page (Here) and share with your friends.

Proctor's World
Speaking of honeymoon, we are back and truly had what can only be described as a trip of a lifetime.  Let us rewind a little...
In October of 2009 I proposed to Laura, she said yes and we were soon discussing our honeymoon plans.  That is right, Laura was more excited about planning our honeymoon than the wedding itself.  She asked if we could go to Paris, I suggested London as well and the wheels were set in motion for a post-marriage European excursion.  From that point wedding planning took over and we were fortunate enough to have a beautiful wedding (Our Wedding) on October 1st 2011.

We planned our honeymoon to be around six months after our wedding.  After a decision not to use a travel agent, we needed ample time to plan and save funds as well.  All in all we settled on five nights in London, four nights in Paris and finally three more nights in London.  We booked our flights, renewed our Passports, secured our hotels and all of the sudden off we were...

Laura with a "proper" Guinness 

From the onset it seemed like everything lined up in our favor.  For example, we spent two weeks of late March in London and Paris and did not see one single drop of rain.  Our Welch friends were able to meet us for dinner and the Lion King in London.  Our flights, trains, subway trips, buses etc. were all safe and for the most part very timely.  We did not get pick-pocketed or lose anything.  All of the unfortunate things that can happen to travelers avoided us and for that I know we are extremely blessed.  From this point I could rattle off our itinerary and post all of our 1500 pictures but I would rather let the photographs and stories trickle out over time.  Our honeymoon will be something I remember and discuss forever.

Your's truly at the Louvre, just kidding, that is Stonehenge 

Our World 
Prior to traveling, especially internationally, one receives various tips, what-to-dos, and things to avoid.  Sorting through what is sound advice, what is bullshit and what is based on fictional television programming can be difficult and tiresome.  With this in mind I figured we would use hindsight and play a little over-rated/under-rated regarding Europe travel advice.

Over-Rated
"Parisians are rude/hate Americans"
I can honestly say that I did not run into any of this during my time in Paris.  Sure French speaking people prefer a "Bonjour" to a "Hey", but that does not mean they are being rude.  The same people who are offended by French people wanting to speak French are the same ones who would be incensed if a Hispanic person approached them and began speaking Spanish.  They are the same people who spend hours complaining that there is a Spanish option on automated telephone menus.  Speaking English is not some sort of rite of passage in the world.  In fact, if someone does give you the courtesy of speaking English to you when it is not their primary language, you should thank them.

Also, I call bullshit on Parisians hating Americans as some sort of general rule.  Again those who are spouting this off are hypocrites whom for whatever reason do not like the French.  I am sure there are some Parisians who do not like Americans, but from what I saw they are few and far between.  Parisians are proud of their beautiful city and enjoy tourists from all around the world coming to enjoy it.  So as long as you arrive in Paris and do not order freedom fries or tell the cafe owner they are lucky you are there because O'Reilly ended his French boycott you will be well received.

I have been told that the French economy is slowly but surely recovering

Appropriately-Rated

"London/Paris is expensive"

This, for the most part, is true.  As a very general rule of thumb, I realized prices in London and Paris are comparable to what they would be in American dollars, so you lose out on the exchange rate.  The further you get away from tourist attractions the more reasonable the prices become.  One way to save some serious money is to avoid pricey restaurants and eat at British Pubs and French Cafes.  The quality of the food is excellent and the beer/wine selection and pricing is superior.  Below is what Laura and I voted as the best meal we had, a lunch consisting of Duck skewers and Rosemary potatoes, wine and Laura's ratatouille.  It ran us about 40 Euro (service and tax are included in menu price):

Under-Rated

"Make sure you have a pair of comfortable shoes"

We walked a lot.  A conservative estimate of our daily walking would be 6-8 miles.  Luckily, we were prepared.  I purchased a pair of Clark's and Laura rocked some Merrell's, both of which are considered to be on the Mount Rushmore of shoe companies that combine comfort and style.

Sports

I know I said Sports would no longer be a section of And on the 4th Day... but I wanted to give some quick props to my University of Louisville Cardinal's who won the Big East tournament and made a sensational Final 4 run.  And although I cannot bring myself to cheer for them, I would like to congratulate the U of K Wildcats on bringing the championship back to Kentucky and reminding everyone that our state is the Mecca of college basketball.  

Photo courtesy of hellinthehall.com

Boys and girls this is the best time of year for sports with March Madness wrapping up, the Master's about to tee off, MLB opening day and the NFL draft looming.  Enjoy it.

Tool of the Week

The inconsiderate photo-taker

Five Seconds.  If I am walking into the path of your photo, I will stop for five seconds and allow you to take your picture.  If you think you are Ansel Adams and want to get the lighting just right and adjust the spectrum or whatever goes into it, you are going to have to deal with people walking into your photo.  I like taking pictures as well and I know how frustrating it can be when someone knowingly steps into the line of your picture.  This is why I instituted the five second rule.  Now, for those of you wondering, yes, both five second rules can be combined  If you drop food on the ground and are about to walk into someone's picture, you are allotted ten seconds.  

Much worse than the long photo taker is the the person who asks you to take a picture of them and then wants to review it.  I am ok if you want to make sure you did not blink but you are allowed a brief glance review of the photo.  I volunteered to take the photo, I am not a hired hand!  It would be different if you offered me five Euros to take a perfect photo and I agree, thereby entering into some type of verbal contract. Also, if I take a picture of you and your wife, you cannot appear baffled if I ask for the same fucking courtesy.

Beer of the Week

Young's Bitter (from the cask)

I could not get enough of the cask-conditioned beer selection within those fabulous English pubs.  It was hard to pick a favorite but I went with the popular Young's Bitter.  It only takes one sip to realize that the higher temperature of the beer is perfectly balanced with the slight bitterness of the ale.  These beers are lower ABV than one would think but you better watch out because the go down easily as well.  I cannot fathom why more American bars do not have some casks mixed in.  

And on the 4th Day...

Proctor's World
I would like to start by thanking my readers for helping me to surpass a milestone.  After last week's "And on the 4th Day..." Proctor's Type surpassed 10,000 page views.  When I started a little over a year ago I did not know how much I would enjoy blogging and if I was just going through a phase.  It turns out I love writing Proctor's Type and for the most part look forward to a few hours brainstorming and typing every week.  Readership has gone up overall and I have a solid group of 50 or so who are checking in weekly.

My next goal is to finally reap the financial benefits of blogging.  I am only $20 away from reaching my first $100 threshold payout!  Certainly not going to make me rich but you can bet I am going to buy $100 worth of the coolest shit imaginable (beer).  Actually check that...I am going to buy $50 worth of beer and make a $50 donation to the Humane Society of Kentucky.  How am I making this ridiculous amount of cash?   It comes from people reading my blog (impressions) and ad revenue.

Once again Thank You


Weight Watchers update:  0.6 up this week.  I had an active week and stayed within my points so I think the slightly heavier weigh-in was pay back for a little cheating I did before last week's weigh-in.

Our World
Who does not love a good drinking game every now and then?  Mindless drinking to excess based on flimsy "rules" is a sure ticket to a night of fun.  Unfortunately, these games tend to get old quickly.  With this in mind, I have decided to make a few new drinking games based on television programs for you all to enjoy.  Here are a few basic rules:
1.  Do not drive after playing
2.  A "drink" is approximately one ounce of beer or malt liquor, these are more common.
3.  A "shot" is a shot of liquor, these are less common.
4.  A "chug" is a continuous gulping of beer or malt liquor for a specified amount of time.

Parenthood
1.  Take a shot every time Adam reacts emotionally and hastily to a situation then later apologizes and makes things right.
2.  Chug for the entirety of every one of Max's tantrums.
3.  Take a drink every time Julia's career as a lawyer is mentioned.
4.  Did Sarah just let someone take advantage of her?  Take a drink.
5.  If Joel ever does anything wrong take a shot.
6.  Anytime anyone is at the breakfast place take a shot of maple syrup.
7.  If Zeke's form of tough love turns out to be successful take a drink.
Super Drunk Bonus:  Take a shot every time someone says "family".


Criminal Minds 
1.  Take a drink every time an inference is correctly made based on an agent's behavioral science training.
2.  Take a shot every time an incorrect inference is made.
3.  Is that a smile on Hotchner's face?  Take a shot.
4.  Chug for the entire time that takes place between the killer holding their ultimate prize hostage and the team arriving on the scene and talking the killer down.
5.  Did one of the agents just get captured?  Take a shot.
6.  Did an agent survive a gun shot?  Take a shot.
7.  Take a drink every time someone says "Quantico"
8.  Take a drink every time Morgan says something "cute" to Garcia and vice-versa
Super Drunk Bonus-  If you are not sure if an episode is new or from a few years ago within the first five minutes of the show, double all of your drinks.

Close enough, this will cost you a shot

Grey's Anatomy
I do not watch this one as much but I am pretty sure these rules will still apply
1.  Take a drink every time a specific surgery is mentioned
2.  Did a surgery with a <10% chance of working work?  Take a shot.
3.  Take a shot at every instance of obvious medical malpractice.
4.  Chug during the entirety of every sex in a medical closet scene.
5.  If Yang's drive to be a professional surgeon is causing problems in her personal life take a shot.
6.  Did either Grey say or do something stupid?  Take a drink.
7.  If Alex shows his softer side take a drink.
8.  Did an intern just get treated like crap?  Take a drink.
Super Drunk Bonus:  Chug during the entirety of every montage featuring dramatic scenes and a trendy singer-songwriter song in the background.

Sports
Sports will no longer be featured in And on the 4th Day...
I will occasionally post special entries on the world of sports as well as begin writing for straitpinkie.com and straitcards.com.
Be on the lookout for a full MLB preview with a drinking game for each team.

Tool of the Week
I opened up TOTW to the readers last week and received some excellent candidates.  It was too hard to pick just one so I will present three reader-selected Tools of the Week:

-Happy from Fairdale commented:
"My tool of the week candidate is Andrew Schiff. The story that quoted him discussing "the hardships" of having your salary drop to $350k went viral. His follow-up was that he is on the low payment rung of his company and just trying to live as a middle class New Yorker. I know NYC is an expensive place, but nowhere in America is $350k considered middle class. The guy has a summer home and his kids are in private school for heaven's sake. I'll give it to him that the economy has effected his income, but does it really give him the right to complain like that with so many unemployed?"


Excellent Choice Happy but you're too nice...Fuck Him.


-Tim from Chicago chose a commercial character:

That Progressive Insurance guy with the mustache. He needs to back the fuck off with his meter feeding, toll paying, bag check reimbursement ways. That is not at all what it's like to switch insurance companies. Isn't Flo enough, Progressive? Or do we need a guy who unrealistically forces down a false notion of money in my pocket thanks to switching insurance?

Well Said.

-Will from Spain (interestingly also nominated for TOTW) chose Bob Morris, a state representative from Indiana:

Try as I might to make this dumbass sound even more Tool than he already is, I cannot defeat his own words:

His thoughts on Girl Scouts

Nice hair, dipshit

-Two readers Paul and Melissa both from Louisville nominated the hateful blob that is Rush Limbaugh but that is just too easy.  Melissa said it best:

" Rush Limbaugh? But he's for sure tool of the millenium, so maybe let someone else 'win'. Perhaps... I can't think of anyone, my heart burns with anger. "

Exactly.

Beer of the Week

Dos Equis Amber, draft 32 oz. w/ lime

This should be your only choice when going to a Mexican restaurant.  If they do not have Dos Equis Amber or if it not on draft or if they do not offer the 32 oz. serving do not go there.

And on the 4th Day...

I know I am a day behind here.  I am going to blame it on the leap day even though that does not make any sense.

Proctor's World
Yesterday I took a productive trip to the University of Louisville Brandeis School of Law.  My FAFSA is completed, first seat deposit is payed and I am locked and loaded for Fall 2012 incoming class.  U of L works for us: they gave me the best scholarship offer of all the schools I applied to, we live here and I can finally get season football and basketball tickets again.  I made it a point to ask the admissions officer a thousand questions more pointed towards law school life in general than U of L itself.  Luckily, I have a few solid friends whom are close to graduating law school and another starting this year as well, so I will have some knowledge of what to expect.  It is going to be a change of pace and a lot of work, but I am blessed to have the opportunity and I plan on making the most of it.

Weight Watchers Update: 1.8 pounds down this week.  I was very worried I would be up after a calorie-laden Indianapolis trip but I pulled off all the stops before weigh-in.  I ran in a sweatshirt to work up a good sweat and I wore a T Shirt and Shorts to shave a little bit of clothing weight off.  It worked, and I finally had two down weeks in a row, now I hope to make it a third.

Our World
We all know the quality of entertainment on television and on the movie screen has gone down over the past few years.  It seems like more tired ideas are recreated over and over to the point we do not know if what we are watching is "new", a sequel or a rerun.  Reality TV is terrible for the most part and premium channels are required for quality TV series.  Do not even get me started on films.  These days a modern day box office smash is a children's cartoon morphed into live action with "cool" special effects.  Then they make five or six of them.

Rewind to last night.  Laura had just gotten home from work, we were making dinner and we could have settled in to clean up the DVR.  We had an over-the-top, ridiculous episode of Criminal Minds we could have watched, we still have the Top Chef finale (do not tell me what happened) and I had DVRd Around the Horn, as if I needed to hear ESPN talking points one more time.  Let us not forget the Redbox probably has a new entry into the Fast and The Furious or Transformers franchise.

Fortunately for us we have a very talented church friend who is part of a theater group called Looking for Lilith (check out their web site) and we enjoyed their latest production as opposed the previously mentioned drab choices.  Performed in the intimate setting of the Rudyard  Kipling (their web site), Beyond the Blue Mountains is a captivating look at a family's journey west in the mid-1800s through the eyes of the strong women involved.  The story is based on the poetry of Jane Wilson Joyce's book of the same name.  I have to say I was blown away by the talented acting and the thought-provoking script.  There are three more performances scheduled and I highly recommend those in the Louisville area to squeeze one in this weekend.  Information can be found here.

Even if you can not make this particular performance, the general idea is still there.  The local arts have a lot to offer us, check out local publications for locations and times of shows, performances etc.  I think you will be pleasantly surprised and you can always tape the latest real housewives.

Sports
I was recently offered the opportunity to write for Strait Cards, a local site dedicated to my Louisville Cardinals.  I am trying to balance writing Proctor's Type with writing for them some and it is a work in progress.  I did manage to get one article up so far.  Peep it here , it relates some current Cardinal players to this past weekend's Oscar nominees.  Please be on the look out for future Strait Cards stuff from your's truly.

Tool of the Week
Reader's Pick

That is right, this week I am letting my readers select their own personal Tool of the Week.  I can imagine someone reading the Tool of the Week week after week and saying "he should pick this guy".  Well here is your opportunity.  Please use the comments section of this entry (preferred) or the Facebook link to tell me who your tool of the week is and why they deserve such an honor.  The best TOW candidates will be posted in next week's And on the 4th Day.  Be creative and keep in mind the TOW can be an actual person, an animal, an inanimate object or just a general person with traits you do not appreciate.  

Beer of the Week
Old Rasputin Imperial Stout

Although my Top Ten Beer has frequent shifting, adding and subtracting, a select few are main stays.  North Coast Brewing's Old Rasputin is certainly one of those.  Old Rasputin is a pitch black, 9% abv, delicious Goliath.  After having a few I was blown away to find that Old Rasputin has 75 IBUs, the coffee and roasted barley flavors drown that bitterness out quite easily.  This beer comes in 4 packs for a reason, drinking much more Old Rasputin than that would lead to a prolonged snoring nap.  For added fun, try it somewhere on nitrous draught.  

And on the 4th Day...

Proctor's World

Three years in a row makes a tradition right?  Laura and I have caught a Pacers game the last couple of years and we decided it will now be a tradition.  So this past Tuesday I spent my fantasy football winnings on a "mental health break" for Laura and I.  I bought us some Pacers tickets and a room at the Courtyard in downtown Indy.  We drove up Tuesday afternoon, had a couple of drinks in the room and hailed a cab to the Rathskeller, a classic German beer hall in downtown Indianapolis.  After a good Samaritan saved us Taxi fare by dropping us at Banker's Life field house (formerly Conseco)  we enjoyed a very entertaining overtime victory over the New Orleans Hornets from our 8th row seats.  We strolled to Rock Bottom Brewery for a night cap then enjoyed a pleasant walk back to the hotel.  All in all a fun, safe, much-deserved night of laughs and unwinding.  Here are some pictures from the trip:

View from our room

Pre-game view from our seats

Those hotel room glasses are for Jagerbombs...right?

Bad Ass Bruhs

Quick Weight Watchers update: 2 pounds down, 14 total.



Our World
This week we play another edition of Over-Rated/Under-Rated/Right Where it should be. Recently I have had many requests for Proctor's Type to cover more Men's Fashion.  With this in mind I will rate some Men's shirt brands so my male readers do not go out on the town looking like a fool:

Over-Rated 
American Eagle

Ok guys, we are all becoming men now.  The last thing we need is to be caught wearing a shrinking, poorly designed, thin American Eagle shirt.  Even worse, American Eagle encourages its wearers to don 10-12 AE shirts at once.  It all starts with a faded T Shirt that says Eagle Ski Lodge or some shit on it, add a long sleeve thermal, a tight feminine polo shirt and a plaid long sleeve shirt and you are all set..to sweat and look like an idiot.  Watch an American Eagle commercial, the majority show late teen boys and girls running around in the desert wearing layers of multi-colored clothing.  Is this something you often do?

Appropriately Rated

Polo Ralph Lauren

Whether you are going to Easter Dinner, to play polo or a frat party, you are going to be looking good in a Polo Ralph Lauren shirt.  Any time a man puts on a Polo Ralph Lauren shirt it says one of two things: either this guy got ripped off by paying $85 for a shirt at Macy's or he is a wannabe cheap ass who found a slightly irregular model at TJ Maxx.  Either way, it is Ralph Lauren and your false sense of superiority will more than off-set any inner questioning about whether or not you are wearing the appropriate shirt.

Under-Rated

Eddie Bauer

Educated

Determined

Daring

Intelligent

Essential

Balls

American

Unassuming

Earthy

Rational

Sports

If you do not play fantasy baseball skip this

Fantasy Baseball season is right around the corner and I am co-commissioner of the next great fantasy baseball league.  I called it How I Spend My Summer (do you like the name?) and it is our attempt at a dynasty league.  When you play a dynasty Fantasy Baseball league you have an initial draft and keep all of your players every year.  The only way to add players to your team is via free agency, your minor league players or a trade.  This is how Fantasy Baseball should be, like running a real team.  If it is August and you are out of it you may move a vet to a contender for a couple of prospects.  The league is locked and loaded.  If you are interested in playing, it is free and our only ask is that you stay active and do not auto-draft.  Let me know if you are interested, we need a few more.

Tool of the Week

Guy tailgating me on I65

On our way to Indianapolis I was driving 75 (speed limit 65) in the left hand lane.  All of the sudden I see a fast and the furious zoomer on my ass.  Before you ask, yes he was driving an Eclipse, yes he had a goatee, of course he had on Oakley's and I would estimate his age at 35.  Being a passive driver, I got over and let him pass.  I am sure it made his day when his barely street legal racing muffler roared and he blew by us accelerating to 80 or so.  He undoubtedly got a ticket within the next few minutes because we were in Indiana.  And if I had to bet, I would wager heavily that a copy of that ticket is framed next to the pink slips he has won in illegal street races.

Beer of the Week

Black and "Tan" (32 oz.)

While visiting the Rathskeller in Indianapolis I ordered a Black and "Tan" consisting of Guinness and Rathskeller Amber (made by Indy brewery Sun King).  Of course I chose the 32 oz. "large" version and it was delicious.  Upon the recommendation of the bartender, I went with the Amber as opposed to a more traditional tan to go with the Guinness.  Somebody get that bartender a metal!  The combination of the two was smooth and really got the party going.  

In Defense of Peyton Siva

I cannot believe I feel the need to write a blog entry in defense of a amateur athlete who is being killed in local media and social media sites by adults who claim to be fans.  Am I defending him after he was caught with three teammates in a huge drug bust?  No, that happened to the TCU football team.  Am I defending him because he has been suspended for "conduct detrimental to the team" that we hear about so often?  No, by all accounts he is a great teammate and a good guy off of the court as well.

I am defending Peyton Siva because he made a couple of bad plays in a one point loss to the 2nd ranked team in the country.  Sure I was disappointed that we lost and in some of Peyton's decision making down the stretch, I am sure a lot of people are, none more so than Peyton himself.  The problem is not with being disappointed, the problem is with grownups singling out and tearing this young kid apart because they are disappointed the team lost the game.  These reactions are over the top, lack perspective and are oftentimes downright rude.

There is no better example of this than in the online Courier Journal.  Apparently there is a "guest blogger" on their payroll named Tom Heiser who writes about U of L sports.  He claims to be a "life-long fan" and he is wearing a red shirt in his picture so I guess he meets whatever criteria it takes.  Check out this excerpt from his otherwise boring, rambling "take"(here) on the Syracuse loss:

Needless to say, my antipathy toward Siva hasn’t abated — and probably won’t. If this were a pro team, he would be traded (or cut). It’s a shame that Pitino doesn’t have the muscle anymore to pressure guys into leaving with the shadow of limited playing time on the horizon as a new superstar waited to ink his name to a commitment. Unfortunately we’re stuck with Siva. We have to go to the dance with what we have. Doesn’t look like it will be too far. I feel no compunction in saying that Siva’s senior day can’t come too soon.

Wait a second, this guy is a fan?  So obviously he remembers how elated Cards fans were when we landed Siva and how often fans screamed to give him more playing time his freshman year.  Surely he has the perspective to think back to all of the games, a few of which were this season, that we would have lost without Siva on the court  Being a lifelong fan and a current guest blogger, he must be aware that Pitino says Siva is the nicest kid he has ever coached and an extremely hard worker.  I am positive he sees Peyton's faith and positive energy on display when he points skyward after every free throw, including the misses.  But I guess all of that does not matter in our ridiculous "what have you done for me lately" sports landscape.  We should "muscle out" guys after they have a bad game, to hell with their education or sportsmanship in general.  We simply cannot have guys running around out there, making bad plays, losing a few games and ruining our evening!  

Do you see how ridiculous this sounds?  Unfortunately this unending complaining about the bad stuff and accepting positives as givens is the standard for fans now.  One day you love this guy you have never met and the next day he "sucks".  I say let us cheer for the Cardinals as hard as we possibly can in wins and losses, act like adults and insert a little perspective into our emotions after tough games.  This year we have a solid, competitive and improving team.  We should celebrate them, all of them.

And on the 4th Day...

Proctor's World
I often use this section to keep my reader's posted on going-ons within the Proctor family.  This week I am going to look into my ever-evolving relationship with our youngest cat Ichiro.  Ichiro has begun to sleep on my feet every night and has started seeking more petting attention.  Obviously I enjoy the new found closeness with my feline daughter but it makes me wonder what brought it about.

Ichiro

Could it be she has finally forgiven me for dropping her feminine name "Olivia" in favor of "Ichiro" (one of my favorite baseball players) upon her adoption?  Maybe she has seen all of the benefits Carl receives for being in our face all the time.  It could even be something as simple as I have been doing a better job of cleaning the litter box.  Whatever the reason, the affection is appreciated...most of the time.

Sure, it is comforting that Ichiro sleeps by my feet but why does this six pound cat feel three times her weight after 10 PM?  How is she so adept at keeping her balance while avoiding my gentle kicks when I want to stretch my legs?  She is also relentless in that the rare occasion she does fall or jump off of the bed she pops right back up, talk about overstaying your welcome!  And why when I pause petting her does she hit me with the "wet nose" in an effort to resume?  I imagine Ichiro now feels on equal footing with her siblings Carl and Bagheera seeing that she now gets everything she wants as well.

A quick Weight Watchers update:  up 1.8 pounds this week.  So six weeks in I have had large loss, small gain, large loss, small gain, large loss, small gain...I think a see a pattern emerging here.  I intend to hit the gym more this week to ensure a large loss this week.

Our World
I love Pandora radio.  I have been told that I am a tad behind the times with my recent infatuation with Pandora, apparently Pandora began in 2010 or something.  With this in mind I ask that you forgive my next few questions if the answers are obvious:
What is the algorithm  for what songs Pandora plays and when it decides to play them?  I think that sometimes I am giving Pandora too much credit.  Sometimes I find myself thinking that Pandora somehow listens to certain words or notes of music or something and matches them to my mind and soul.  Then the pessimist in me says that if you like a certain Artist or song it plays songs by artists it considers similar.  But how do they determine what is similar?  Is it based on other users thumbs ups or a generic list?  UGH so many questions and so few answers.  Pandora feels like the JFK assassination.

Has anyone else noticed that Pandora plays music in segments?  I will get Peter Gabriel, the Police, Heart etc. for a 6-7 song stretch then it goes to the singer-songwriter where I have to skip a bunch of Ben Harper songs.  For some reason even though I never officially liked Neil Young, OneRepublic (or is it 1republik, I do not know, some shit like that) or Norah Jones, they come on ALL THE TIME!  Then I go and Thumbs Up one Silver Creek song and I get bluegrass hour every session.  Also, what is Keane, is that a band or a singer?  I am sure some of Pandora's developers are reading this blog, please fill me in on what in the hell is going on here.


Sports
We are nearly to the halfway point of this abbreviated NBA season.  Let us take a look at Proctor's 5 most important things to watch for in the 2nd half heading towards the playoffs:

5.  Are the Pacers for Real?
Ok, so maybe this is not the 5th most important thing to watch for concerning the average NBA fan but this is my blog so here we go.  As I type this my Pacers are mired in a 5 game losing streak and have been playing terribly.  All is not lost but the Pacers playoff seeding has been affected and their defenses lapses are astounding.  I think getting George Hill and Danny Granger back to full strength will help but the most important thing is getting Psycho T's confidence back so that he can get back to being a huge energy/rebounding force off of the bench.  Starting tonight the next 6 games are lowly New Jersey, even worse Charlotte, New Orleans (I will be at this one), @ Charlotte, Golden State, @New Orleans.  How about a 6 winner to erase this ugly 5 loser?

4.  Durant/Westbrook
The young, uber-talented Thunder have the best record in the West and a never ending saga of whether or not Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook can win an NBA championship together.  They are both all NBA talents and have a solid supporting cast, but who gets that all important last shot?  Can they play off of each other when the playoff level defenses clamp down and they cannot alternate isolation plays?  OKC is on the brim but I do not see a championship until this situation is closer to being resolved.

3.  Will the Lakers make a move?  
If the playoffs began today the Lakers would be the 5 seed in the West going against the defending champion Mavs who swept them  out of the playoffs last year.  To say this is concerning would be quite an understatement.  So what is wrong?  Bynum is healthy and playing great, Kobe is still Kobe and Pau Gasol is 80% Pau Gasol so the pieces still seem to be in place.  D Fish is a great leader and a serviceable player in spurts but I believe his days as a championship level starting NBA PG are over.   Let us not forget the Lakers had Chris Paul but...well do not even get me started on that....

Here are a few moves that I believe would put the Lakers right back in championship contention THIS year:
Steve Nash-  The Lakers trading picks to Phoenix for Steve Nash would help both teams immensely.  Phoenix is being selfish with Nash and he has too much pride to demand a trade so there he sits with the vultures circling.  Part of the Laker's problem is that Bynum and Gasol do not get enough shots, Steve Nash could immediately fix that problem.

Rajon Rondo-  Despite Boston's recent success I do not think anyone really believes they can compete for a championship at this point.  They have also shown a reluctance (for some reason) to build around Rondo, maybe they would rather build around Bynum?  Bynum for Rondo helps both teams and puts the Lakers in a better spot if they were to get through the West wherein they would most likely be playing the Heat.  Guarding D Wade and LeBron is impossible but having Rondo and Kobe playing perimeter defense would certainly help.

Dwight Howard-  Bynum and two first rounders for Dwight Howard.  Win, win, the Magic have building blocks as opposed to nothing when Howard walks and the Lake Show are Western Conference favorites.

2.  Linsanity
Jeremy Lin is not a flash in the pan and he has transformed the Knicks from big name pretenders into legitimate contenders.  I believe Carmelo when he says he will share the ball when he gets back from injury.  Part of the greatness with Linsanity is that NBA fans can just sit back, watch, and enjoy.  Despite ESPN's great attempts there is not deep analysis needed.  The only questions is what other potential stars are buried on someone's bench (Terrance Williams anyone?)?  If the playoffs started today the Knicks would be the 8 seed butting heads with the top-seeded Bulls.  How about J Lin up against D Rose?  Can you get anything better than that?

1.  Can anyone play with the Heat?
In the preseason I picked the Heat to beat the Mavs 4-1 to win the NBA championship.  The only tweaks I would make now (barring a major trade) would be changing the Mavs to the Clippers and the 4-1 to a sweep.  LeBron is having an all-time top 10 season and his greatness has never shined more.  I picked him for the NBA MVP and the Finals MVP and I am still confident he will win both.

Tool of the Week
Yahoo Commenters (99% of them)

If you ever start feeling too positive about our society please go to any Yahoo article and read the disgusting bile that is the comment section.  For every insightful, positive or decent comment there are 99 disgraceful, hateful and pathetic "comments".  What is wrong with these people?  Many say that people will say anything due to the anonymity of the internet.  If true, I find this more concerning than comforting, is this what people really think/feel?  I am going to throw out a few examples just from this week just to drive the Tool of the Week honor home:

In a ridiculous article about Jennifer Aniston proving she is not pregnant by displaying her solid abs in GQ, one commenter said "that is what having a personal chef and personal trainer will do for you".  Sure thing dumbass, I am sure the hours of daily exercise with the personal trainer and eating only the healthy meals prepared by the personal chef had nothing to do with it.  Merely having a personal trainer and chef are the ticket to being in great shape, just ask Oprah (not intended to be a dig at Oprah).  

In an article about a man having a heart attack after eating a triple-bypass burger in Las Vegas some of the "hilarious" comments included "he should get his name on the wall" and "bet he got a diet coke with that".  What if that guy was one of the commenters father, brother or friend?  I doubt those comments would not have been as "funny" then.

In a absurd piece about some guy ordering an expensive Starbuck's drink and getting it free on his birthday a very astute user said "Starbuck's sucks, its just a coffee shop".  As to Starbuck's "sucking", that is your opinion and not backed by anything.  As to it being "just a coffee shop"...No shit!  What does this even mean?  It is an article about coffee being ordered from a coffee shop.  Does Starbuck's suck because it is just  a coffee shop?  What do you want it to be?  Can I say Mercedes Benz sucks because it is just an automobile manufacturer? 

Beer of the Week

Boddington's

In my continuing noble pursuit of educating myself on British beer in anticipation for our upcoming European honeymoon... I drank some Boddington's this week.  I had never had Boddington's until a few weeks ago and now I cannot seem to get enough.  The creamy goodness goes down oh so easy and the widget makes the 16 oz. can the optimal choice.  Only 3.8% abv so make sure you get  a couple extra if you plan on partying.  

And on the 4th Day...

Proctor's World
There is no substantial personal news to report at this juncture other than I was down 5.8 lbs at my weight watchers weigh-in this week.  If you have not noticed I tend to write early on big loss weeks as opposed to the side note at the end of Proctor's World on small loss or gain weeks.  The 5.8 number cancels out the 2.2 gain from last week for a net two week loss of 3.6.  In the past I have lost weight faster than this, but the weight came right back on as soon as I broke one of my diet's rigid rules and gave up.  Having lost almost 14 pounds to this point, I am trending in the right direction and excited to see the weight continue to drop.  As always any tips or words of encouragement are appreciated.

Our World
A couple of days ago I received an invitation to my sister's annual Oscar party.  It is this time of the year when I realize I need to cram some serious movie watching in so that I can say I have seen the majority of the nominated pictures.  I love movies but tend to be selective with what I will invest two hours into watching and this year's nominees have me seriously wondering how many are worth it.  Typically the Oscar type of film is my favorite and I will take the Best Picture nominees over the top 10 box office any day of the week.  For this reason I am shaking my head at 2011's crop, let us take a look at couple of favorites:
The Artist

I have not seen this movie and I can undoubtedly tell you there is no chance in the world this movie is that good.  There is no dialogue.  Get it?  It is like an old movie, how genius!  Seriously, is this all it takes to become an Academy Award favorite?  Can we say for sure this movie would not have been as good if it had words?  There is a reason 99.9% of modern movies have dialogue.  What other gimmicky tricks can we use to make a picture "unique"?  Maybe we could make a movie about the life of a cat and have the camera view coming from underneath the litter box.  How about a movie with the dialogue of a western but with the camera showing a still shot of a cactus for the film's entirety?

Hugo

Who needs a crazed De Niro talking to himself in a mirror when you could have Hugo playing with toys?

You guessed it, I have not seen this either.  Here is what I know about this movie: it is a period piece set in 1930s Paris, it is about a kid and it is directed by Martin Scorsese.  Wait...what?!?  You mean to tell me that Scorsese has a chance to win a Best Picture Oscar for this BS?  Have we reached a point that after screwing Scorsese over for Raging Bull and Goodfellas we just give him an Oscar for anything?  He finally received his Oscar for The Departed (his 4th best movie) and now he might get one for this?

Sports

The Patriots lost the Superbowl, no fun, but it happens.  Still a great season for my Pats and I have so much to look forward to in the world of sports.  Baseball, my favorite sport, is just around the corner.  The Tigers are locked and loaded and my collegiate Cardinals are ranked and ready to roll.  In basketball the Pacers are becoming the team no one wants to play in the postseason and the Lake Show will soon have Dwight Howard.  U of L is getting hot at the right time and are working towards a double bye in the Big East tourney.  And what is that I hear?  It sounds like a distant purr now but come April it will be a ferocious RRRROOOOAAAARRRRRR in Augusta.  THERE IS A TIGER ON THE PROWL!

Tool of the Week

Bagheera

He is the big black thing

Now do not get me wrong, I love my adopted son-cat Bagheera.  Bagheera is part of the reason I knew I loved Laura when I met her and I even had Bagheera over to the bachelor pad for a weekend.  Bagheera does funny stuff and is a fantastic cat, but this has not been a good week for him.  He has taken his demands for drinking only from the shower faucet to all new levels.  Starting around 5 or 6 every morning we are awoken by a half scream/meow noise that only Bagheera can make.  One of us then wakes up to turn a slow drizzle on for him to drink from and he will sometimes be quiet.  Today he started screaming for me to turn the water on and it was already on!  This sound is indescribable and when I asked Laura why Bagheera makes it she said "because he knows it is annoying".  

Beer of the Week

Schlafly Extra Stout

I took a sixer of these to our friend's Superbowl party and, other than the outcome of the game, had a great time.  I am not sure the word extra has ever been used more appropriately than with this beast of a beer.  8.0 ABV and you can taste it, even with the delicious notes of coffee and chocolate (somewhat) masking the alcohol.  Definitely a sipper, which means you will not need more than 6, which ran me $12.    

And on the 4th Day...

Proctor's World
Flights are purchased, three different hotels are booked, and we have our Europass tickets.  What does this mean?  We are going to Europe!  Laura and I have been planning and saving for our delayed honeymoon for more than two years and we are finally 100% headed that way in late March.  The plan is to fly into London for five nights, take the underground to Paris for four nights then back to London for three more nights.  We will eat fantastic food, drink French wine, see the world's best art museums and finally reunite with our cruise friends Mike and Jo.  This is shaping up to be the trip of a lifetime and the timing could not be better, who knows when we will be able to get to Europe again?  My ask of my readers is to clue me in on some fun stuff to do.  What is a must see in London or Paris?  Is there anything that is not worth it?

We have also book-ended a couple much shorter trips around our honeymoon.  I am spending my fantasy football winnings on Pacer's tickets, a downtown hotel and dinner at the Rathskeller in Indianapolis.  Laura and I are also going to finally see Spingsteen together in Detroit with the added bonus of my parents going too.  My dad introduced me to Springsteen and getting to see the Boss together will be an awesome experience.  My mom can also cross Michigan off of her states list, 25 down, 25 to go.

Quick Weight Watchers update: Up 2.2 pounds, ouch, these PM weigh-ins are killing me.  Luckily I will be able to attend my normal morning weigh-ins for the next five weeks and will obtain more consistent results.

Our World
When did it become such commonplace to use a Facebook status update as an opportunity to write a brief, often snide "letter"?  I am sure when this was done for the first time ten years ago it was clever and received plenty of chuckles.   Since then the practice has taken on a life all of its own and one out of every two posts on Facebook seems to be one of these "Dear so and sos".  I will admit that some of these are funny or clever but the majority are just obnoxious and petty.  For those of you who do not know what I am talking about or for those who are fans of the genre, I have decided to create some examples for you:


They can range from the serious...
Dear reckless criminal,
I hope they catch you and the prosecutor seeks the maximum possible sentence for your crime.  Being caught in your crossfire has caused me many sleepless hospital nights.
-Your Random Victim

To the rather mundane...
Dear guy who stole my parking spot at the mall,
I hope you are not upside down after financing that Hummer.  I bet you only get 12 miles to the gallon.  Do you know how much gas is going to go up to?!?
-Guy who gets 35 MPG

They can be written to other mammals...
Dear squirrel,
I put those seeds out for the beautiful song birds in the back yard.  Keep your filthy paws out of there!
-Bird lady

Or to inanimate objects...
Dear toaster,
The medium setting is supposed to leave a slightly crisp texture and a brownish coloring.  I am not sure what in the hell this is supposed to be.  I should make you eat this moist, gross toaster strudel.
-Getting a toaster oven SOON

Occasionally they make you question whether Facebook is the best place to voice frustrations... 
Dear Global Warming,
I liked it a lot more when we had four seasons.  I hope I do not die from heat stroke this summer.  Thanks for nothing.
-Sweating in winter

and whether or not the poster is sane...
Dear pineapple boy,
I can see you!  Just try listening to my calls now that I have thrown my cell phone in the toilet and flushed it.  I wish you would just go down in the sewer and search for it.  I hear it stinks down there, just like you!  I know that is not you on your bike in front of my window.
-I am going to check anyway

On second thought, these are pretty fun.

Sports
I am going to throw out my predictions for the Super Bowl:
Passing Yards:
Brady 325 Manning 345
Passing Interceptions:
Brady 1 Manning 2
Passing Touchdowns:
Brady 3 Manning 2
Touchdowns:
Hernandez 2 Branch 1 Manningham 1 Ballard 1
Rushing Yards:
Green-Ellis 52 Woodhead 35 Bradshaw 70 Jacobs 35
Coin flip:
Heads, NE wins and defers
Final Score:
New England 24 NY Giants 20

I hope I am right.

Tool of the Week 
Mitt Romney

"I'm not concerned about the very poor."

Fresh off of his Florida primary victory, Mitt decided to throw out this gem.  Oh do not worry there is more to it, there is a "safety net" there.  Oh thank God, a safety net!  That means we will (supposedly) provide the absolute bare essentials to allow fellow Americans to live.  He further describes that his lack of concern for the "very poor" is due to his great concern for the "middle class".  

Seriously how out of touch can this jackass be?  I understand the middle class is not having the best go of it but they are not living on the streets or hungry.  If they were, they would not be the middle class, they would be the "very poor" that Mitt is completely disregarding.  Casting off the huge problem that is severe poverty in America to focus on the middle class is akin to getting a paint job for a broken down car.  I sincerely hope that Mitt is simply pandering to target voters and not morally void enough to lack concern for the "very poor".

Beer of the Week

Stone Arrogant Bastard Ale

One of the great deals in Louisville in $2 pint night at Fox and Hound.  Among the excellent draft selection is Stone's classic Arrogant Bastard Ale.  Stone ABA is the first micro brew I remember because my dad bought some a long time ago because he liked the name and the bottle.  The beer itself is not bad either, in fact it is delicious.  A deep, deep red color that one could almost define as brown is accented with plenty of hops and a fruity taste up front. It goes down pretty easily for a 7.2% abv.  Also look for its double, dry-hopped and oak-aged variants.