Sunday, March 20, 2011

Summer Cookout Planning

I was invited to a cookout yesterday, but was unable to attend.  I wish I had of, it sounded like fun, instead I watched my joke of an NCAA bracket completely fall apart (for a good laugh look at my bracket predictions in the previous blog entry).  The thought of a cookout really got me looking forward to the summer and the multiple cookouts I will be hosting/attending.  What makes for a successful cookout?  What would make a simple cookout the greatest day of anyone's life?

Every cookout has its highs and lows, so Proctor's Type has compiled some tips for enhancing your cookout...

1.  Have an open schedule:
All cookouts should be scheduled with a beginning time and an ending time labeled as a question mark.  For example:  "1 PM-?".  A cookout is supposed to be a laid-back, relaxing event, it certainly can not have a rigid schedule.  Your guests will leave when they are ready (unless they pass out) and you certainly wouldn't want to put a scheduled stop to the fun.  If you have a problem with someone overstaying their welcome try under-cooking the meat or playing "Margaritaville" on repeat.

2.  Use a grill:
Option 2
Too often now-a-days people think it is acceptable to have a cookout without a grill.  I've been to the "back to nature" style cookout where a fire is built by hand and everyone picks something out of the garden to roast on the end of a stick.  I have also heard of lazy people plugging their microwave into an outdoor socket and having everyone bring El Monteray® burritos.  These are not viable options!  Your two choices are propane or charcoal...
Option 1

3.  Use Boar's Head® condiments and cheeses:
Although I can't say I have ever personally purchased Boar's Head® products myself, I can tell you from multiple super market samples that they are well worth their cost (2-3x what the Kroger brand costs).  Keep in mind on popular cookout days (4th of July, Labor Day, my Birthday) potential guests are going to have many different cookouts to choose from and most of us will be choosing based on the answer to one simple question "are they going to have Boar's Head condiments and cheeses or that other shit?"

4.  Have a lot of Oberon on hand:
You don't need to be a mathematician to understand this equation:
n=number of people invited, <ob>= number of Oberon bottles that need to be purchased, t=high temperature

<ob>=  (n)(10)+t


For Example:  If you invited 27 people to the cookout and the high temperature is 81 you should purchase 351 bottles of Oberon

*Always round up to make <ob> divisible by six

5.  Rent a Port-a-Potty or face the consequences:

If there is not a Port-a-Potty outside, guests will be allowed to use the bathroom whenever and wherever they want.

6.  Games:

Apparently sitting around and gorging themselves with food and beer is not enough for some people.  We live in a society that is becoming more and more focused on health and physical well-being.  With that in mind, I think it is important to have activities at the cookout to cater to the more active members in attendance.  Now I am not suggesting setting up a P90x station or playing kettle bell toss.  I do think it would be a good idea to have horseshoes and Cornhole (bags) at a minimum.  It has been scientifically proven that playing Cornhole(bags) for an hour burns up to 47 more calories than merely sitting down for that hour!

Feel the Burn!

7.  Music Selection:

In would never have the audacity to tell you exactly what music to play at the cookout, thats something that you will have to decide yourself.  I will suggest 5 songs that you should not play and one you absolutely have to.

Margaritaville- Jimmy Buffett (or any remake)
As mentioned previously, do not play this unless you are sure you want everyone to leave.

Everybody Hurts- R.E.M
Great song, but it might not be the mood you want to set

Regulate- Warren G f. Nate Dogg
Normally a great choice, but the timing may set about a roller coaster of emotions for generation Y

Sweet Home Alabama- Lynard Skynard
Someone is going to tempt you...stand your ground

Any Pink Floyd
Unless you have a laser light show prepared and a pound or two of Marijuana laying around...

The one song you HAVE to play is Kid Rock "Only God Knows Why".  
I know it sounds ridiculous now but wait until the sun goes down and everyone has a buzz on.  It will be a me.

1 comment:

  1. Or you can get really fancy and get a duel fuel grill, thereby having both charcoal AND propane, rather than either or :)