Saturday, March 3, 2018

Count Me Out: Balsamic

(disclaimer: "Count me out" is not intended to offend anyone, it is simply a way to proclaim that whatever activity or item being discussed is NOT FOR ME, COUNT ME OUT!)

I was at Lunch Club last week and the usual "what did you bring?" went around. One of my cohorts declared their balsamic salad dressing and became, for some, the belle of the ball. The club fawned over the dressing as if it was sent from above. I, a reasonable person, on the other hand, quickly proclaimed "fuck that". And I said that because balsamic sucks ass.

"Well do you not like balsamic or balsamic vinaigrette?", the hipster asked. Well, I do not know or care to know the difference, it is all equally terrible. It may have been trendy in 2k5 to eat balsamic, but the ruse is over. Balsamic is horrible, always has been ,always will be. Balsamic, be it in a pure form or a vinaigrette, is Satan's milk. Seriously, it makes me sick that so many people choose associating with balsamic over actually improving themselves. We have one life on this Earth, stop wasting your time pretending you like a trendy dressing and live your life. 

After all, the true test of a dressing is whether or not you would dip a french fry in it. Obviously, no one would ever dip a beautiful, crispy french fry into millennial garbage such as balsamic. We want Ranch! We want Honey Mustard! Hell, we will take some Russian/French! Anything except balsamic vinaigrette.

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